Can a man and a woman remain friends even after marriage?

I want to ask the ladies and gentlemen on this forum if they have been close to a particular friend of the opposite sex before marriage and whether they have managed to maintain the same strong friendship even after they got married or has the intensity dwindled with time?

23 replies
Deepti
June 7, 2017

23 comments

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:21 am
Kaavya June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

The intensity has dropped down because I am lost in the responsibilities marriage brought in and also priorities changed. But not that it has anything to do with the husband having any issue!

Maya Khandelwal June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Depends. If you have secrets, hidden desires that you don't feel comfortable to share with your spouse, are scared of being judged, keep up appearances, friendship is not possible. *p**p*Maya Khandelwal *p*

Ravi Bedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It all depends on the intensity and the kind of friendship one shared. It would be very difficult to offer a generalised comment.

Kamal June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Personally I don’t see a challenge in ones spouse maintaining long term friendships with the opposite gender. It has to be mutual of course and based on respect, trust and the idea that healthy space actually nurtures the marriage.
Having said that and coming from an army family where frequent postings meant meeting /parting with friends all the time, it’s also true that long term friendships loose chemistry over time without sufficient investment into them. So often when one moves towards a certain course of life, marriage and it’s involvements being a very significant journey, some older friendships may automatically drop off.

Renica Rego June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Sure, they can. I have a couple of close male friends and my husband is totally cool with it. It all depends on two factors: trust and security in a relationship.

JaeRajesh June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Agree with Kavya. I have had lady friends, dating from both before and after marriage. The friendships have remained strong, though the time spent has obviously reduced in the case of the older friendships. In my opinion, the quality of friendship with the opposite sex will not have any issue if the spouses have confidence and faith in each other.

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Why not ?*p**p*Don't forget, friends fight too.*p*

Shahnaaz June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

If the spouse has met the friend and is genuinely comfortable with the friendship, there should be no reason for the friendship to dwindle. In fact, they can bring plus ones to the table and go on double dates sometimes.

Vaishali Chandorkar Chitale June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Intensity dwindles over time ,after marriage, as that space of a good friend is now taken up by your spouse ; if its a fulfilling and a vibrant  relationship  then there is no need for another good friend.*p*

mishti upadhyay June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

If there is santity purity in your friendship they continue no harm but if anything more than friendship better cut from day one so that life is simpler for u Ur Frd and their respective spouses*p*

Ankur June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Mostly the intensity has dwindled. Not because the friendship dies but because recently married people do not have much time. But am sure as the years progress we can get back to being great friends again. *p*

ShiviGoyal June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

For me Yes, They both can be great friends! The perception needs to be strong and fair!  *p*

Sukanya June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It am sure it can be that way if you try to keep it up from day one. But again, ask yourself was he your best friend before marriage? If it was, then you are probably very lucky. But yes, both have to maintain it. *p*

Himani Pande June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Definitely good friends or special friends remain close even after marriage. Only difference is that it has to be an equation of respect to all concerned. There should be no clandestine activities, glitch happenings or hitting an all time low in actions. *p*

VarunPrabhu June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It depends. If the friends were close, they will feel inclined to carry on that friendship. Now maybe not at the same level as before, because obviously marriages mean responsibilities, but the parties involved won’t let the friendship die down because of that. *p**p*If people want to be friends, they will be friends, but then, many factors will weigh in when the intensity of the friendship is to be determined after a marriage.

Aarti Pathak June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes, I think they can. Most spouses instinctively know themselves, how comfortable they and their other half are with continuing friendships with the opposite sex post marriage. My friends have bestfriends of the opposite sex since their primary school days and they have so many childhood and growing up memories… After their marriage I see them continue to be friends and manage really well.

MithunMukherjee June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I think I echo what most of the women have said. Friendships can continue to flourish after marriage and sometimes, even bring in an extra spark to your relationship if that level of comfort can be achieved between concerned parties.

Angela June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Deepti I have been facing the same issue since 2012. My husband and my friend. They say they r good friends but I had a strong sense of insecurity whenever we met. Their friendship has completly shattered. When I say say limits, I mean that firstly both of them should know and realise that they are married and that their closeness and whatever they share should also be within their spouses knowledge. And whatever they do, be it just exchanging message or a phone call, these activities should not make the spouses unhappy and uncomfortable.

Angela June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes they can remain best of friends as long as it is within certain limits. Their friendship should not create doubt and discomfort to their spouses.

Deepti June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

What if the best friend is not comfortable with the partner?

Deepti June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

But Angela, the question remains, who gets to set the limits?

Deepti June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

And you would be equally fine with him having 2-3 female friends who are pretty close to him..?

Deepti June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

What you say makes sense but can you elaborate on the “adds an extra spark to the relationship” part please?

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