Celibate till marriage

A younger friend recently told me that he has decided he wants to be celibate till marriage. While it is of course his decision, how important is premarital sex to marriage? Should we marry someone in this day and age without knowing if we are sexually compatible? What happens when one person has been celibate while the other has not? I found his stance quite intriguing and wish to delve deeper. What are your thoughts?

7 replies
Priya Jindal
June 7, 2017


Meenu Mehrotra
Meenu Mehrotra September 22, 2017 - 4:17 pm

I guess it’s up to the two people how fast or slow they want the relationship to progress.
Comfort level of both is of utmost importance here.
One should go with the flow and if sex happens organically, it’s great and if both want to wait, then great too.
Why should one pre-decide what happens as the relationship blossoms.
The social and moral conditioning about sex is so ingrained in us – thus the dilemma.

Tuli Banerjee
Tuli Banerjee September 14, 2017 - 11:38 am

I too have a friend who believes that he would stay celibate, or a ‘virgin’ – in his words – till he gets married. He feels it is the least he can gift his wife. WHat’s the harm in that?

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:21 am
Rishav Ray June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

It is individual discretion and you go to respect that. If they are willing to take a chance, I do not think there is a problem. Pre-marital sex does assist in countering compatibility issues but some people do abstain from it. However, it should not matter whether one partner is virgin and the other is not. What should matter is how they compliment each other after marriage.*p*

Priya Jindal June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I agree. But I have not met any virgin who does not want their first time to be with someone as inexperienced. And more so if it is a man. So that is where things may get complicated. *p*

Priya Jindal June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Your theory can be valid. It is true that sex in marriage gets straight to the point while premarital could be gradual. So in that case, even I think premarital sex could be a better choice. *p*

Anand June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I have talked to a large number of men and women, both married and unmarried — those who had no problems talking about their feelings and experiences. Based on these conversations, I have formulated a theory regarding pre-marital sex (I admit my theory is anecdotal, and not on the basis of formal research).*p**p*My theory is those (boys and girls) who have never had sex before, find it more difficult to enjoy sex in marriage — particularly in the early months or years. Many start enjoying sex after a while, but still this is not great "as anticipated" before marriage.*p**p*What could be the reason for this?*p**p*My hunch is that within marriage, there is the issue of "performance anxiety". This is acute as partners need to live with each other for a life time, and hence are keen to make a good first impression.*p**p*Secondly, premarital sex proceeds in slow progressive steps. It may take months of holding hands, hugging, kissing, intimate mutual fondling etc., before one gets to go "all the way". (At least this is so in all cases of "good" pre-marital sex). By then one gets to know ones own pleasure zones and that of the other party.*p**p*In general, I find that those who have had sex before marriage start to enjoy sex within marriage sooner than those remained celibate. And for this, it is not necessary that one finally gets married to the same person one had earlier sexual pleasures with.*p**p* *p**p* *p**p* *p**p* *p*

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