Common mistakes in a divorce

What are the most common mistakes that one makes during a divorce?

9 replies
Arun Kaul
June 7, 2017

9 Comments

  1. When people split, mostly they find flaws in the other person. They do not realise that their defects are also leading to this crisis. After it is all over, you expect the person to learn some lessons and reform. Sadly, that is not the case. And the parameters one opted for while selecting a partner in the first case also remain the same. Realise what works better with you – the kind of person you need to become in order to make your marriage work. *p*

  2. hi Arun,*p**p*every situation is unique and there's always a right way and a wrong way to go about a separation! the most common mistakes that couples probably make are:*p**p*1. you become selfish- u focus only on your hurt or your need to get out and begin life with the new someone!.*p**p*2. everything turns into "mine", "Your" from "ours"*p**p*3. no space or time is given by either to the other for acceptance – there's a relationship that's ending …it needs to sink in …*p**p*4. we dont care if our partner will need help to settle to a single life- we concerned with beginning our new life!*p**p*5. mud slinging – we think talking ill places us in a more acceptable place amongst our family and friends not caring what it does to our parents.*p**p*6.we forget the divorce doesn't just separate a couple it separates 2 families – people who suddenly get at daggers end with each other who were once best friends! who helps them deal with that?*p**p*7. we forget our children though we constantly harp we are doing everything for them!*p**p*8. we hide the truth about our finances – SAVES US ALIMONY!!*p**p*9. we listen to our attorneys more – we forget he is advising – we have to live by it!!*p**p*10.lastly we use the divorce as a tool to get back to hurt !*p**p*we forget to minimize our mistakes so as to remain friends for remainder of our lives !everything said and done we did spend some happy years, months together!! *p**p* *p*

  3. hi Arun,*p**p*don't know about the book…but i know one thing for sure …i learnt it the real hard way…n today when i reflect what i wrote is what i learnt.*p*

  4. I agree with you. Your thoughts provide an answer to the issue raised by Mr. Goel. Ideally, one should introspect so that they do not repeat their past mistakes. *p*

  5. Definitely some move from one marriage to the next without picking up deep learning. But there are many more who do learn from the divorce. Then there is another set of people who have what we call a valid cause for divorce, say cruelty and such reasons. Your view wil make people think about the learning they can take from their marriage or divorce. *p*

  6. Your views are very balanced and reflect the best suited way to separate. Of the many books on divorce that are available in the Indian market, most deal with the legal issues or talk of personal experiences. The book which echoes your view is Untying the fine knots: How to deal with divorce and I am sure it comes handy to people who go through this strife. *p*

  7. The mistake people make in a divorce is that they do not change themselves!*p**p*They divorce the old partner, they find a new love affair, but again that thing is going to become repetitive sooner or later.*p**p*Changing places, changing persons, changing partners, changing houses, is not going to do anything. And whenever a society becomes very bored, people start moving from one town to another. From one job to another, from one wife / husband to another, but sooner or later they realize that this is all nonsense because the same thing is going to happen again and again with every woman, with every man, with every house, with every car.*p**p*What to do then?*p**p*We need to be more conscious.*p**p*It is not a question of changing situations; transform your being, become more conscious. If you become more conscious you will be able to see that each moment is new; but for that, very much energy, tremendous energy of consciousness is needed.*p**p*And lastly, we do not need to live with ghosts. Let what is over, be over.*p**p*You cannot drive a car by looking in the rear view mirror.*p*

  8. What a thoughtful answer! I went through a bitter divorce…reading your other answers too…*p*

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