Do children develop a healthy attitude towards sex when they grow up watching their parents make love?

In our society, children are not allowed to know anything about sex. Elders and parents do not talk about it and they indulge in it when children are away or fast asleep or they seek privacy in another room away from children. But in small nuclear families where parents are liberal minded, many of them indulge in sexual practices or move around in minimal clothing. They have no qualms if their children see them in the nude. Is this a healthy way to educate children about sex? Or should they fearthat children are likely to start having early experiences in case they are exposed to sex?

19 replies
Devraj Kalsi
June 7, 2017

19 comments

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:21 am
RakshaBharadia June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I def think we need a healthier attitude towards display of affection than what we have! No wonder we are a sex crazed nation! We need to make the kids feel that sexuality is fine…but to what degree is a question. We need expert involvelme here, i think. *p*

Juhi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I don't think so….*p**p*I am all for sex education and children knowing how and why but I do think that watching parents indulge in the act will not be healthy for their mental health.*p**p*Extremes of any kind are undesirable, I am all for the middle path.*p*

JoyeetaTalukdar June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Proper ways of potrayal in the sense of execution of the act.  Superexposition of everything isn't the ultimate factor of modernization. There must be some limitations to it.  *p*

JoyeetaTalukdar June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Sex is what not liberally talked about or either exhibited to a large extent in India.  It's because we are still sackled between past old cultures and modernization… Education is important… Proper sex education… We can't expect walking nude infront of our children and have them a good view about sex… The potrayal of it in a proper way to our next generation is important… Itz important to know for them the three W's of it-What,  Why and When. *p*

Aman Singh June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Well, when it comes to Sex, there is no right or wrong way to educate someone about it. Being discreet about it wouldn't help as children would always use their naive minds and find a not so decent way to self-educate themselves. And being open about it in a hippie way will also impact their young minds. So, there should be a perfect balance. A Quid-pro-quo which will help them learn something and perceive it as something beautiful and not a taboo.*p**p* *p**p*According to me, Sex is all about finding your love and sharing it with each other in the most intimate way. And somehow your parents can't teach you about it. But they should not treat it as a subject of controversy when their kids come to them seeking their doubts. That's how it is, and that's how it'll be when it comes to Sex and Indian parents' mentality.   *p*

Jeeta June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

To have a healthy attitude towards sex children need the correct information on sex and it is best if it comes from parents. It is a must that parents should have a "talk" with their children and the details of it may depend on their comfort levels. In some family instead of the "talk" parents provide booklets on reproductive systems and sex to children to read and know.*p**p*Second point is about parents being in minimal clothes. That to some extent has been happening in all families. For instance I have always seen my mother in saree whereas my son sees me in shorts. Again it depends on everyone's comfort level. Seeing their parents comfortable with their bodies the children will learn body positivities.*p**p*Last one is about seeing parents making love. I have to draw the line here. I think sex is too personal so one would not want anyone else not even their children witness it unless they are exhibitionists.*p**p*Given our time it is inevitable that children watch some kind of bed room scenes on screen. The parents can decide on the age at which the children are eligible to watch such shows/movies. Even if they allow still they have to have a "talk" with children how these things are different from real life to avoid any kind of misinformation.*p*

DEVRAJ KALSI June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Ajay, you are perfectly entitled to hold this view like many others. You are free to draw as many lines as you like. But please explain how does it scar a child who already has an idea about how babies are made. *p*

DEVRAJ KALSI June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yeah, you are liberal to a large extent. Hope your assessment/take keeps you sorted in delivering the right information and at the right time. *p*

DEVRAJ KALSI June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Then let us find a middle position first, neither too conservative nor too extremist. Parents find it uncomfortable to discuss – some place respected magazines with sex education themes on their desks with the hope that children will read and understand everything there is to know about sex. Subtle ways of discussing the matter will be tried. Not sure how effective these are, but this is one issue every parent wants the child to learn on his own. Parents themselves have not been beneficiaries of this education so they are not too convinced of the scientific ways to impart knowledge here. *p**p* *p*

DEVRAJ KALSI June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Your honesty is commendable and your concerns sound legitimate. *p*

DEVRAJ KALSI June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes, middle position is right perhaps, provided knowledge is complete.  *p*

DEVRAJ KALSI June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes, expert views should enable us to understand the issue better. *p*

DEVRAJ KALSI June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Please share your views on the proper ways of portrayal. *p*

DEVRAJ KALSI June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes, Sabyachi, it is the most difficult decision. For the sake of argument, what is the worst outcome if such a thing becomes a reality? Do we see the children growing up with an unhealthy attitude to sex? Which means, do they have it right as of now? Fear, shame and guilt exist in parents. When children are told they are a gift of god, are they really convinced? Have they been para-dropped or they are all immaculately conceived? Come on, share the facts soon before they turn teenagers and start peeping here and there…*p*

DEVRAJ KALSI June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes, your right, Rishav. Our culture is most likely to remain cloistered in this regard. Sexual candour will mean children will learn about it early and start experimenting. Smut content will continue to introduce them to sex. *p*

Ajay June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Obviously a line has to be drawn. Talk to kids when they reach puberty but having sex in front of a child seems too much. A couple can always show affection in front of their children but let's not scar them by showing how they came to be made. No child at any age wants to see parents have sex!*p*

Rishav Ray June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It all comes down to how a certain couple wants to educate their children. As you pointed out, a lion share of households in India will refrain from indulging in open sexual sexual practices in front of their children as there comes the concept of alienation from society. They would want their children to be able to relate to the outside world (Indian Society) which may share a closeted view about sex. On the other hand, some families do want to keep a transparent line of communication between them and their children. They may want their children to see sex as a positive matter of union between their father and mother. Growing up in such an atmosphere may well help them to see sex in a postive light and the transparency may boost the parent-child communication process in the long run. Having said that, the Indian view of open sexual practices in front of their babies is entirely different from that we see in the other cultures and this is largely due to the non-acceptance of sex in our society.*p*

Sabyasachi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

There are different views as to whether pornography gives a boost to a couple's sex life or not. Some say it does, some say it brings in a distorted picture and/or irrational expectations. Will nudity by parents be considered porn? Will the parents be able to play the other roles parenting demands once their grown up children see them nude?*p**p*Even if such behaviour boost the sex life of the children, if it makes it difficult for the other roles parents need to play, should we still do that? Or should we find some other way?*p*

Urmi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

As has been righly pointed out, there is no one way to do this right. As the mother of a 7-year-old boy, and a person who lives in a cramped Mumbai apartment, finding the balance is tricky. To freely cuddle and kiss, to not quickly switch channels when a mildly instimate scene plays or even talk about sex as a matter-of-fact are some things my husband and I do to keep things as transparent as possible. We definitely do not want our son to grow up wondering if sex is some dirty tabboo, the way we were raised to think. And no, we do not think educating early or beig liberal about the subject of sex will make him indulge any sooner than usual. *p*

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