Do we really want to know the truth about our partners? The whole truth?

We don’t even know the truth about ourselves–it’s too complex, we change everyday. Would I love my hubby more, would our marriage be stronger, if we knew every detail of each other? Do I really want to put the relationship under a microscope? Will my commitment be stronger because of a 3 a.m. dissection? ‘

16 replies
Raksha Bharadia
June 7, 2017


Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
Antara Rakesh June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

We cant bear the thought of dissecting our own little cute hampster, we simply want to picturise it as a cute, loving, trustworthy living being who we share life with. It might just be less complicated to unfold secrets of your partner's past while you are in the process of choosing them.We are often more open and tolerant of traits andqualities about them in that stage of life.Opening up to each other while we can still talk like friends with no strings attached yet. However, once we r bonded for life, the gradual everyday changes should be left to notice rather than discussed.Everything is not an experiment with an aim method and conclusion.Relationships, behavioural changes and truths should sometimes be just left to experience and not dig at!!*p*

Urmimala Das June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I don't think that we need to know every detail of each other to have a strong bonding. It's love and respect that work finally. I want my man as a free bird . If he comes back to me after each flying , he is mine and I will love him till death. *p*

Lekha Menon June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

No, never. First and foremost, it is impossible to know the whole truth about anybody, including yourself. There are three truths – one that you know, one that others know about you (which you may not be aware of) and the one that both of you know. A relationship is essentially about two strangers coming together to lead a life together, after knowing whatever they can about one another. But can you know every single thing about your partner’s past? Why and how she or he may have reacted in a particular way, during a particular time? It’s fine to know everything about a partner provided your relationship is so strong that you can confidently say you won’t judge him or her for his or her past actions. Can you? *p*

Urmi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Nope. Over analysis is never a good idea. Partners should be under no obligation to ‘come clean’. Why should they? As you’ve rightly said, people change all the time. Letting the past out, which is sometimes unpleasant, is bound to ruffle the feathers of the present. Best to let the sleeping dogs lie, and love the people we love for who they are now.

Manoj Jain June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

We played an interesting game about 20 years ago. We were a close bunch of freinds, couples mainly and a similar question was asked. It went something like this…”If your spouse had a one night stabnd when he or she was travelling, would you want to know about it? How important is truth and hinesty to you in a relationship.” We were all newly married and all (but one) agreed that honesty is the most imprtant in a relationship and they would want to know everything. *p*The same question was asked about 15 years later when we came across the same book of questions. And EACH AND EVERYONE, most had been married for about 20 years by then, said that tehy would rather not know about something that was best hidden under the rug. They did not want to rock their marriages or feel inadequate if they could not do anything about it – they would rather not know the truth.*p*I guess age in a marriage teaches you to ignore some truths*p*

Jamuna Rangachari June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I think very often we are not completely truthful about ourselves to anyone including our own self. In all areas, what is required is to make ourself stronger and see the intention behind your partner’s actions, whether he/she is completely truthful or not.

Nicole June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Very fine line here… guess it’s another grey area. Ideally, yes, there should be no secrets between a husband and wife, but what if the secret you hold could disrupt the marriage? Or the peace? In my opinion, it would also depend on what kind of truth one is holding back…

Surabhi Pandey June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I might come across as a shady person here but trust me, in my opinion, I do not think that being 100% honest is a great idea. All of us are seperate individuals and we need our personal spaces. There can be encounters and incidents, which might have happened in the past or might happen in the future, which our partner might not understand. Why create complications?

ShuchiSinghKalra June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

While it is s tempting thought to know the minutest detail about your partner, it’s not always the healthiest thing to do for a relationship. We all have our grey areas and sometimes it is best to let things be the way they are, as long as the relationship is giving you happiness. Over-analysis also takes away the mystery and the charm. Leave some surprises for later!

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Relationship is an art and not mathematics. Considering minutest details and everytime wanting to arrive at a conclusion is not necessary.

KavitaPanyam June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

In my opinion, yes it makes sense to know your partner well. By this I mean to say that giving space also has a boundary, which when crossed leads to voids. When you know everything about your partner, some information may scare you, make you wary of trusting them…..but in the end this very honesty will seal the bond. Otherwise most are just roommates in today’s world.

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Not every detail, it just might ruin the peace at home.

Baisali June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

In the initial stages of a relationship, I think we do go through that phase when we want every little detail about our partner, but sometimes, it comes back to bite us in the butt…and through no fault of the other person who has revealed him/herself trustingly. I think we should be content with the amount we can handle. We all have a past, why prod it and disturb it?

SaumyaTewari June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

No body is 100% honest in any relationship. We all know it about ourselves but don’t want to accept it! Then why expect the partner to tell you everything- the whole truth?*p*It is more important to believe in your partner than to know everything about them.

Joie June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It’s more fun for during fights one can bring these up! However if a relationship is strong it doesn’t matter. No matter what the other does, one can’t stop loving. Can one?

Hridaan June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

You are quite right about the fact that we can never know for sure what we really are as our mood keep on changing from time to time. Marriage is all about knowing each other with each passing day and this quest for knowledge never ends. That is exactly what you call a special relationship where you tend to be always curious about each other and I feel that the time when we stop exploring each other is the time when the relationship comes to a standstill. So do not worry if you feel that you do not know everything about your partner instead continue exploring each other so that this quest never ends and you slowly begin to grow within each other.*p*

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