Do you (women especially) often find it difficult to state your needs clearly in a relationship?

I've often found myself and many of my (mostly) female friends finding to tough to articulate our needs when in a relationship. It could be anything from wanting more commitment to initiating sex to wanting some space. I don't think this is purely a female problem, but I'm interested in knowing about others out there and how this can be addressed.

7 replies
Tia Basu
June 7, 2017

7 Comments

  1. This is not about men vs women but it is much about the relationship. Deep within there is a fear of request being denied by the other half and affecting the relationship which makes it difficult to clearly state one’s needs. As and when the relationship strengthens and greater understanding of each other is achieved the situation changes drastically. I can hear my wife ordering me to get up and wash my hands and sit for lunch already.

  2. I do agree that most females are silent or less expressive about their needs but times are changing. Girls are becoming more verbal, demanding and better at expression of what they truly want.*p*

  3. The upbringing itself imbibed in females to become less demanding is one culprit.It is in Indian culture itself.Even if they are demanding, it is apologetically done so and not even seen as their natural rights to demand.Though society is changing for good.*p**p*Education imparts rationalism.This is important, as, then, the reasoning mind takes over the lame cultural beliefs.'women have equal rights  in being assertive as much as man…' when this belief replaces the older one, the problem mentioned in the qs would be addressed effectively. *p*

  4. Actually no.*p**p*In fact, I find the other so closed, I would usually open up so much in hopes that he could state his side 🙂 *p**p**p*

  5. I am a sexologist, yeah the only lady Sexual Medicine specialist in our contry and a male dominated medical field, who sees patients mostly couples day in and out with relationships issues and sexual dysfunction, as I sum it up from my medical experience it's not not about men and women. There are several aspects that form a basic of any relationship right from physical attraction which waxes and wanes to different values system that both individuals bring into the relationship and their own perception of what a realationship should be like. As excpectations build, sometimes unrealistically, individuals might cope in their own manner. Women by nature, as their brains are wired to be more emotional, empathetic, sensitive can have outbursts, discuss their problems more openly than men, however men, perhaps due to the cultural context are taught not to express, emote, and sometimes turn cold feet and do not know how to cope so they distance themselves and cut off from the issue at hand instead of addressing it, doing a damage control and this slowly turns into a habit forming vicious cycle. I would like to finally say that a key to any relationship is good communication without being overly judgmental and critical. Mutual respect, affection and initiation of sex should be from both sides, it's a two way street. Ladies please understand your men are biologically different from you please do not always take it personally, atleast always. I request the men to underthat that your women deserve more attention, affection and due credit for all that they invest in you. If you have difficulties in your relationship do consider consulting a doctor who is unbiased and can guide you, do not let your relationship get toxic. Cherish and value it genuinely. Striking a balance between love, sex, giving space to one another, living together, managing home, kids and hung pressure careers is like tight rope walking but it's all worth it if nurtured properly and pruned from time to time. Here's to happy relationships with our own self and our partners!!!*p*

  6. Yes, definitely. Though i am kind of against relationships, but during the time i was in one, this was a serious issue. Like, expressing my personal sexual need was always a hurdle in the fluency of the relationship. Though we were best friends first, and a couple later but as soon as we started dating, this became an issue.*p**p*Well no doubt this can't be looked over, as it might lead to serious differences. But to overcome this problem, I guess the only way out is proper communication. It might seems awkward to many, but 'Prevention is always better than cure'. So, before it swells up to serious differences, just shoo it off. How? Communication. A proper one.*p*

  7. Our patriarchal social structure definitely stifle the expressions of the women. There is a sense of guit as well, as if expressing the needs is not what she would be judged rightly for. Today's women, as I see around me in this multi-cultural metro of Bangalore, are less inhibited. In fact, seems like tide has turned and she is calling the shots. In the markets, shops, theatres or restaurants, I find many a meek men, head drooped towards the mobile screen, practically following the wife/partner/girlfriend/woman colleague and her choice of shirt/food/movie etc. I could hazard a guess that she carries such dominance to her bedroom as well. *p**p*May be, it's the power equation. May be, in a relationship one of the two becomes more dominant and the other either hesitates or refrains from expressing his/her expectations or needs.Balance is utopian to expect.*p*

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