Does Divorce or a pending Divorce case lead to Social Ostracism

For some years, I have been working with men who are facing separation and all kind of litigation including litigation surrounding divorce and dowry harassment laws. Most common complaint amongst these men is that they feel ostracized. Not all but majority of men feel it like this.

I have been divorced personally. However, I have never faced any kind of Ostracism.

Let’s discuss how to deal with Social Ostracism, when facing separation or divorce proceedings

8 replies
Shonee Kapoor
August 21, 2017

8 Comments

  1. When do men face social ostracism? Do families exclude them from gatherings or vacations or conversations? Or is it friends? What kind of events are they ostracised from?

    Going into the finer details can help us understand the issue better and help divorcing men know what to expect and to prepare for it.

  2. As per my perception, it is true. Leave the matter of pending divorce petition, it is very difficult for a single to get adjusted socially in our society. Unmarried male/female are not considered for invitation/participation on various occasions. Single are being treated as differently then married. And when the person is going through divorce case, the situation is exaggerated. He is considered as single and his status is considered as accused/victim as per the prejudices of the people. Some may consider him responsible for the situation, some may considered him as victim. Whatever he is, but situation would be same, if he is single, he would not be considered on various occasions and may get isolated/avoided socially.

    To deal with such situation, the best thing is that he may create a new circle of singles, until our society grows. Our society, culture and mindset is responsible for such situation.

  3. I never felt ousted as such. I am lucky that way. We didn’t have any common friends (it was an arranged marriage) hence there were no awkward moments socially after the divorce. I think one feels more ostracized when you have a lot of mutual friends and your social circle is the same. These friends might choose to hang out with your ex rather than you so issues might pop up from that if not handled in a mature way.

    But I do get looks of sympathy sometimes when I mention the fact that I am divorced and that is downright annoying. The good thing is that we are slowly moving ahead with the times and this type of reaction has almost ceased to exist around me.

  4. The process of divorce is itself a very stressful one this is probably a reason why such people withdraw from their social lives and feel isolated in the first place.
    You have to deal with lawyers and read the fineprint in the agreement that itself must be terrifying.
    Your social life goes for a toss because you will be having a common set of friends. Some of them will be judgemental and biased against you. This is as good a time as any to figure out who are wholeheartedly supporting you and involving you in their social events.
    Also its scary for the introverted to start making friends on their own when they depended on their spouse for social interactions. But you got to have courage to restart.
    If there is a smear campaign going on against you by your ex spouse you got to take it very seriously and take legal action.

  5. I agree that any kind of discrimination or ostracism of couples, especially women, is unwarranted. There will be aberrations in a skewed society like ours but by and large, people have come to terms that divorce is not a disease but a cure for incompatibility. Generally, it is the woman who is at the receiving end in a divorce, but with changing societal norms this will change.Emancipation of the woman through education will ensure that this change comes about sooner than later.

  6. Social ostracism will be there when something our society does not approve of actually takes place. Nobody probes deep to assess the fault lines. Men who split are considered blockheaded jerks – blokes who were tired of their wives and therefore explored this option to seek freedom and respite. There is no sensitivity to gauge that thoughts, views, aspirations, and priorities are also strong reasons to rock the marriage. And if nothing sounds convincing, cast aspersions on the character of the spouse and cry hoarse. But when divorce occurs, the guy hopes our society will not denigrate him and will continue to respect him like before. But the fact remains that a broken marriage is seen as something that will lead to more fissures in society if interaction with such men is allowed. Therefore, the presence of such men is shunned. They are perceived as berserk creatures out to damage the social fabric.

  7. I had a friend, female friend who was in the process of getting divorced. My couple friends (esp women) asked me not to invite her! Categorically!

  8. I have been happily married, perhaps forever! but that does not make me blind or insensitive to other people’s failed marriages.
    Divorce must be a painful decision, it obviously doesnt arise out of pleasure.Thus too, ostracising someone who is divorced or getting divorced, is almost being sadistic.There’s a hindi saying ” Jo tan laage woh tan jaane” The body that hurts knows where and how much. people who divorce have probably got very good reasons for it. So if anything at all, we must learn to become compassionate towards people who have already felt the absence of love to such a great extent as to make the ultimate severing decision.Those of us who are happily married must always have compassion with others who are not so fortunate.

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