Emotional divorce

Came upon an interesting term yesterday called "Emotional Divorce", which 'is a psychological mechanism some spouses use when they feel the marriage has become a threat to their well-being. When you divorce yourself emotionally from your spouse, you have separated your emotions from the marriage'. Sounds terribly like the state of many marriages I see around me. People stick around with their spouses just for the sake of kids, financial dependence or social convenience. When all emotion has left the equation, what do you think such parties of a marriage should do?

23 replies
Urmi Chanda-Vaz
July 13, 2017


  1. Increasingly now, emotional divorce is turning out to be a phase after which people are seeking legal divorce. I would say, it is beginning to happen already, it's just that some might take the decision early, some later. *p*

  2. In my view what leads to the not so uncommon phenomenon of "Emotional Divorce" are two factors — being bored with the same old routine, and the feeling of being "trapped" in a relationship.*p**p*In fact the institution of marriage evolved as a difficult-to-get-out legal or religious "contract" precisely because "love" is expected to wear out, and to rarel last a lifetime! Yet, for the sake of child-rearing and old-age security/ companionshp it is essential that a couple stays together for a lifetime — unless in extreme situations.*p**p*If we accept the above, we can try to handle the twin factors that lead to "Emotional Divorce". *p**p*My first suggestion is that couple share their wildest fantasies with each other. While this can be exciting to both, it is easier said than done — mainly because this may trigger jealousies and doubts in one or the other spouse.*p**p*The second suggestion is to give space to each other — to pursue own interests, and even to discretely flirt with others, even while remaining committed to the family and the marriage. Often, this very freedom makes the marriage worth holding on to. *p**p*I agree that these suggestions are impossible in most relationships — for practical reasons. The happy ones are those that are able to practice these at least to some extent…*p**p* *p**p* *p*

  3. It is a grim situation. I would call it an EMOTIONAL TUMOUR. When this surfaces you need to analyze. You have to do the surgery, can't wait for final haemorrhaging.*p**p*Is the separator screen between the partners a result of over compromising on the part of one to the gratification of needs of the other?*p**p*Is it because of a sudden change of tastes, compatibility, level of evolving etc. ?*p**p*Is it really because one meets THEIR TYPE much later in life.*p**p*One must remember that we are stakeholders somewhere. We can't kick off responsibilities and rush off to the person that triggers our passion best. A disconnect can take place there too if imbalances all around are created.*p**p*Monotony, sameness do happen in long term social arrangements but if the feeling of partnership grows with the years then less of emotional divorces would happen.*p**p*One can't get a sweetdish all twenty four hours of the day. Try, work it out.*p**p*But yes emotional divorce could well be the reason for a real one. It works as a precursor to the final. Don't push too hard. Don't get frissons by the term emotional divorce. It is a condition that needs working upon. If not then destiny would offer its plans. But act either way towards the best outcome.*p*

  4. Evolved people use sophisticated terms to define half-dead, almost-dead relationships. When emotional attachment ends, it is a kind of split situation and the partners need to realise whether they have the inclination to invest their emotions in the same person or they wish to re-invest somewhere else. If they think they continuing for the sake of kids and other other obligations, then they have to take a call. Either think of self or about family unit.  *p*

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