Finding a soul mate in office

In the course of what you thought would be a 'harmless' office affair, you end up finding your soulmate. One one side lies your marriage and career, and on the other, a person who makes you feel the way no one has ever made you feel. What would you pick?

21 replies
Urmi Chanda-Vaz
June 7, 2017


Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
ArchanaSharma June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Have seen and heard lot of such association happening and a term coined around it fashionably as office spouse. The changing society dynamics has offered lot of freedom with a fair share of its complexities too. Spending long hours in togetherness often lead to such liaisons which give a sense of exhilaration initially but ends up no where. There can be attachment but soul mate is a far fetched idea largely emerging out of fantasies. Personal and professional lives have to be kept separate.*p*

RakshaBharadia June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am


RakshaBharadia June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Urmi, I would first ask is it just the newness whihc makes you think the other is a soulmate? Adter all whenyou live with a person it is very different. And yes, if you are somehow sure that he is the soulmate and no kids are involved…it is better to move out!*p**p* *p*

Aman Singh June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It's all about how you take control of things and how it makes you and the people around you happy. As it's discussed very often, love is confusing. People are dazed and confused. But, somehow you need to be confused before falling in love with that person. *p**p*What I'll suggest is, spend some time with the person you love, with your career and just with yourself too. Self-contemplation will definitely lead you to a better result rather than being impulsive about your thoughts. This is what finding a soulmate and then finding yourself is all about. *p*

Manjari Singh June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Marriage and Career ? is that the soulmate is something they called 'extra-marital affair'.? *p*

Manjari Singh June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

If the marriage really sucks then no point being in it. Since you said he is your soulmate then go for him *p*

Amit Shankar Saha June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

The question is at what stage is the so-called affair – has it reached the stage where its exposure would jeopardize the marriage? If so then the hand is already played and it is a matter of strategy to keep it hidden or make it known. This decision will depend on what the reaction of the spouse is expected to be and how it will affect other things including family and kids. If it is still at a 'harmless' stage when the realization has been made that the person is the soulmate, then the collaterals (family and kids) have to be taken into consideration first because it will be a matter of responsibility. And whatever decision is taken the soulmate has to be supportive of it if at all the person is a soulmate because the decision will be mutual as responsibilities of the decision has to be equally shared. But there can be a case of independent decision making too. It is always better to spend a life with a soulmate but it is also not justified to leave a spouse who has been good. If the spouse is really good he may agree to let you go and if he is not good then it is better to let him go. I think you get the drift. But remember that yoiu need to ask seriously first whether you have truly found your soulmate.*p*

Andy June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I completely agree with what Ruku Taneja said here. Temptations are all around us, it's upto you what you pick and what makes you happy. We all are different and what works for one might not work for other. If I have to make a choice, unless something major is not wrong in the marriage I won't end it or mess it up for anything.*p**p*Meeting someone for a few hours is a different thing and living with someone is totally different. Things change when we start living together. We see the good and the bad both, we see the person as it is, the glamour fades off and the daily grind of life takes its toll. *p**p*If there is something which is lacking in the marriage / partner better discuss it and try to work it out. Consult a relationship counsellor if you can but explore all options before giving up.*p*

Urmi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

What is interesting is your assumption that the question is at all about my marriage. *p*

Urmi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

You got it pat, Ruku. *p*

Urmi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes, precisely. An extra-marital affair that turned out to be much more than one intended it to be.*p*

Urmi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I agree, Raksha. Anyone who has been in a relationship or two would/ should know the difference between the rush of a new relationship and a soulmate. You don't come across soulmates very often, and if you do, perhaps they are worth the sacrifices.*p*

Urmi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Ah, how wonderful that you should bring about the matter of spending time with oneself in this regard. Nothing like contemplation in chaos. *p*

Ashutosh June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

This has been an often-talked-about topic in the recent times. We always crave for some one who is organized and matured when we want to settle down and start a family. But most times, we do not get what we want, be it an arranged or love marriage. There is this underlying feeling of unsatisfaction (not only physical) which eventually leads our attention to fancying a man/woman in our workplace who is a complete product of discipline and maturity. This can be an assumption. The torment that you might be going through is to chose between virtue and immorality. Some get carried away with the situation. But before taking any decision, think whether you are going in the right direction because it may happen again. There is nothing called soulmate. We all make compromises in relationships but we are willing to compromise for only those who are worth it. Take your time and think well before choosing. *p*

Anita Iyer June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Hey Urmi,*p**p*For starters, your use of the word 'harmless'  is both interesting while at the same time poses serious questions about the state of your marriage. Can an extra marital affair be harmless? And for whom? I wonder how you arrived at that decision? That said, i presume you have spent reasonable amount of time  to determine he's your soulmate. In that case, you must possess commendable time management and work life balance skills – you managed to stay involved in your marriage and not raise suspicion, you managed a job and an affair. That's some skilled juggling. Why pick at all? *p*

Anita Iyer June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

No assumption at all. I just followed the style adopted by others in the thread:)  *p*

Ruku Taneja June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Hey Urmi,*p**p*Temptations are all around us, whether in the office or at the grocery store. But I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that this harmless office affair, which has now turned into a soulmate showdown is the best decision for you and more than temptation of the body. *p**p*Your options, imo: *p**p*A: If this is really your soulmate then why the doubt? Why be in a marriage that is obviously not for you or with the one you can commit to. End it, say goodbye and follow your heart (if it's truly filled with love and not lust). And career? You can switch jobs. We live in an economy where jobs are everywhere and talent is few and far between. What are you waiting for? *p**p*B: If you think this is maybe your soulmate and by chance you used the word "soulmate" on here loosly, then back off and truly review your options. Make a balanced decision between the head and heart. You know why women marry for money? Because they prefer comfort over love (and there is nothing wrong with that). Do you prefer the comfort of your current life over starting over? If yes, then stay put, swiftly move away from the sex and forget it ever happened (Desperate Housewives style).*p**p*C: Now the worst thing you can do (morally speaking) is keep doing what you are doing. Live a double life. Housewife at home, hot babe at work. I think not picking someone will eat your heart out unless you have the gift of never feeling guilt. The choice is yours…*p**p*Adventure/Soulmate/Failure/New Beginning OR Commitment/Caring/Comfort/Family*p**p*p.s. If the choice was upto me, I would look at the bigger picture, not dwell on fleeting emotions/sex and evaluate the arc of my life. *p*

Debashish Majumdar June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Although you have found your soulmate, you must think twice before breaking up from your present family. If you have children it could be very heart-breaking for them to see any of their parents go. If you decide to marry your new found soulmate, you must make sure that the kids and your soulmate accept each other trustfully. Breaking up is never easy even if you are having a mechanical relationship with your present life partner. On the other hand, introduce your soulmate to your family and keep caring for your family and soulmate. Yes, rare but such relationships do work.*p**p* *p*

Priya Jindal June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

If you feel the one you've found is worth your marriage, then that's your answer. But be honest with the person who's heart is going to break. *p*

Raisha June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Depends on which is the most important. How much does your marriage matter? Have things fallen apart? There's no point carrying with a marriage that's beyond repair. And your current job too. If you are okay with finding another one, then that's probably the least of your worries here. You need to introspect and see where you see your choices leading you over 10 years. Maybe that'll help, because no matter what you do, hearts will break. So know what matters most to you. *p*

Ajay June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Pick the one your heart wants. Not for the immediate future, but long term. Who do you see yourself with 10-20 years down the line, or maybe who you definitely do not see yourself with. May help with the position you've landed yourself in. All the best!*p*

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