Friends with benefits at work

I really like a colleague but am not ready for a commitment. How do I go about asking her to take our friendship to friends with benefits? I have tried to show that she is more than a friend to me but don't know if she understands. I think she may be interested, but do not want to jump the gun and come off as some sleazy guy.

9 replies
June 7, 2017


  1. Okay. So just talk to her about your intentions in a very subtle way. Tell her that at the moment you are not eyeing for a relationship because you have had bad experiences or whatever. Tell her everything honestly. You never know, your honesty may lead to success.*p*

  2. It's never easy to get into something like this. Because you need the other person to be as platonic as you are never expect anything from the relationship at any point of the time except the sexual pleasure. So yeah you can pitch in the idea in between a conversation sometime and see how she reacts. If she takes it positively then take it forward. Otherwise just drop it right there. *p*

  3. Hahahaha….just read a piece where they say women like the 'm' word the most! I also think it is ingrained to want something more for taking the relationship to a deeper level. Esp from the other gender. But if u see….I think she may be wantingit as much as you. It is the internalization, culture which teaches other things! *p**p*Read somehwere in mating intelligence unleashed that while women see if the man will be dependable, men see if the women will be faithful so from that perspective i guess it works is the women is sparing about being too forthcoming…*p*

  4. Try offering some benefits from your side and see how many she accepts before making a pout to say NO. That should be an indicator before you jeopardise your friendship and project yourself as an opportunistic nerd. Since you have tried to show your intent but have not received clarity yet, you should make better use of precise communication to know her intent. Express your views about friendship with benefits in a general but confident way. Let her get your take on it and if she opposes your views or supports your views, you will have her response at least and accordingly come out of the impasse you are pitchforked into right now. *p*

  5. All that you can do is to convey your general view that you think it is ethically okay for good friends to "exhange benefits" even when there is no long term commitment.*p**p*But remember that it is always possible that your friend does not share this view. Or that while agreeing with you in principle, she may not regard you as the person for such "benefits". If so, you need to respect her stand, and maintain the relationship — without "benefits".*p**p*The aim of the "probe" by you is to find out if she shares your desire for a physical relationship without long term commitment. The aim ought not to be to keep badgering someone who is unwilling, in the hope that she may one day yield….*p**p*PS. Usually girls (who are otherwise okay with a fling) will yield to a particular guy only if she she feels that he respects her in particular, and women in general. And that he does not hold the view that any woman who submits to him is a "whore". Unfortunately, there are too many men of this kind, and that is one reason why girls do well to be extra-careful in choosing what kind of guy they can trust…*p**p**p* *p*

  6. I hope so. It's just that if it doesn't things may become awkward at the office.*p*

  7. I get your point. This is in no way to malign her character. i hope she sees that. Women should be able to express themselves sexually without being labelled, in my opinion.*p*

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