Has parental interference in marriages been questioned?

Parents are the cocoon one loves to embrace. Once a girl gets married, she looks up to them for support and love but there are times when their possessiveness can shatter their child’s dream. Have you ever come across such a case? What can one do in such a case?

19 replies
Ranjana Kamo
June 7, 2017

19 comments

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
Rajika Malhotra June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Regular interference is a definite no-no…but sometimes a parent has to intervene, advice, and that is the support system you offer…its a thin and fragile line !!!

modernromeo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes! I have. Where the girl started just looking at parents for every small and bog decision. After a point the husband and her fought simply because of assumptions that she would only do as per her parent’s advice. I mean, they started fighting about the source rather than the issue at hand. But then, how does one leave the girl altogether? It is a fine line to be walked…

Jitu Rajgor June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It depends upon the social environment of the inlaw’s family. There is nothing wrong for daughters to take advice from her parents sometimes, especially in the early years of her married life. But the constant interference by parents in very trivial issues of daily life would surely cause a disturbed relationship between them. Parents should give only opinions and not a judgment. After all, it is their life and they have to solve their problems with mutual understanding. But in a crucial situation, where the self-respect and basic freedom of a girl is in question, parents should stand like a rock to defend her.*p*

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Aptly summed up. *p*

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

You have summed it up well. *p*

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

True

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

That fine line in relationships is so difficult and yet so important.

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Bang on.

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

That is the ideal situation but it generally is not the case.

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes, the fine line needs to be tread upon with extreme care.

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Healthy communication is definitely required but when it turns into regular interference or leads to a need to control, that is the point of concern.*p*

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I agree.*p*

Malini June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

But, having said that, I also think, interference, is a very tricky thing. We as children sometimes use our own parents. Its happening right in front of me. It is funny to the extent that, children become alright with each other, after a while, but their respective parents still continue to fight.

Malini June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Take responsibility, love and care is one thing, but over indulgence and molly codling a young adult even in his thirties or even fourties is disastrous most times. Parents sometimes never get out of the habit of cheering for their kid, till any age. Maybe they also need to start becoming objective and not take sides or make unnecessary judgements regarding their childs, inlaws or partner or home. *p*If taught at an early age that ‘you are responsible for your life’, maybe this situation will arise less.

Sukanya June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Parents are there to support and guide us. But if they are decing what we do and how we do it, then that is a problem. Again I think it is always not right to go to your parents for every small issue you have. LEarn to solve it on your own. You will make mistakes. But thats how you will learn. I have seen that the involvement of mothers have sometimes decided the fate of the daughter's life. She rules it. That might not always be good for her new life. That fine line is very important. Talk to them. But then if you are taliking to them the whole day, it is definitely not good. *p*

Rakhijain June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

We have to accept that a girl’s skills, values and education all comes thanks to those parents. You cannot expect them to severe all ties and forget them just because she now has a husband. If she rings them for suggestions how to celebrate her husband’s birthday or make his favourite food or how to engage with relatives, what’s wrong? Secure people are inclusive and not exclusive. Expecting them not to keep a healthy communication shows the new family’s insecurity.*p*

Ashutosh June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

In that case, I feel, the child should take the stand and decide for herself. You are right about parents being overprotective of their children but they should also be mindful of their children's desires. The girl often suffers because of this possesiveness. I think it is important for the girl's parents to interfere whenever needed and if that is not happening, the girl herself should step up. The husband's role becomes equally important in this scenario. *p*

Mani Shankar June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Parental support & guidance is very important for both girl & boy after marriage and this must be welcomed, provided it is within limits. Unfortunately, in India, parents start imposing their views rigidly on children, even after marriage and this creates friction between husband-wife. Parents’ intentions are good but the methods they choose to enforce is questionable sometimes. None must intrude into the privacy of couples and parents must help children decide for themselves, even make mistakes and learn out of it. Mother-in-law must never compete with daughter-in-law in seeking son’s attention. She must gracefully make it look it is DIL’s first priority and son understands the true love and concern of mother. MIL must refrain from commenting critically about DIL’s parents/family members and this must be reciprocated by girl’s parents also. Young couples must be given all the freedom to experiment with their married life and enjoy. Many parents unknowingly become the cause in separation of young couples and regret later. So, as elders, parents must decide and act in such a manner that helps in marital life of their loving children.

Marriage Flora June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Dear Reader,*p**p*It depends upon the understandings between the 2 families, both the families should have strong rapport and bond to have successful interference or else it will lead to complications, any family can interfere but upto certain extent, but usually brides family won’t interfere too much in the affairs of groom family to avoid problems, one can interfere seeing the severity of issue and that too upto certain extent.*p**p*Regards,*p*Marriage Flora

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