Have been experiencing the arranged marriage market for a long time now. Wondering why is it that women continue to be judged based their looks and skin colour? when? when? when? when will we change?

I am somewhat dark-skinned and people have rejected me on those grounds. So, have we really progressed as a society? 

16 replies
Sampurna Majumder
June 7, 2017

16 Comments

  1. As long as a groom party will enjoy the privilage to select a Gori bride things will never change. i know many Ladkawala who said that if girl can choose her partner on the basis of salary then why cant they judge her for her skin color. My dear friends u r being judged for the acquaired skill not for innate feature. Simple as that, your salary and job depends on your caliber and to some extent you have command over it but what about the skin color?  *p*

  2. Ah arranged marriage market – Hot Selling Cake…A profitable business opportunity.*p**p*I'm wheatish complexioned, but if I have to put myself for evaluation then i will be categorized as dark complexioned too. Because, no matter how much India has progressed, when boys and their families search for brides they select basis fair complexion over and above other factors like family status, earning capability. It's a typical mall approach, where we are obsessed with fair colour when have to select. *p**p*In March, 2016, instagram campagain was carried out with a hashtag #unfairandlovel. Girls , women of varying professional backgronds posted their pics with pride. We are proud of our dark complexion. Why not? Have you not seen the models on International Fashion Weeks? Naomi Campbell rings a bell? Are we less capable then fair complexioned women? Nope. *p**p*To change the approach of men and society, I think we should stop questioning oursleves. Stop doubting. Instead be badass , "So, I am dark compelxioned but to run a marriage -my outer beauty plays no role. To build a home and to nuture children the inner emotional strength plays a role. To love a man, my colour plays no role" . Men who for fair compelxioned brides shouldn't be married. If that brings about a change. *p**p*A friend of mine taunts me as Kali. After 2 such events, I said , "Hope you know kali is very powerful. Lord Shiva, himself had to come in her way to stop the process of destruction". *p**p*We have to be the change.. We have to repeatedly drill this into minds of men to remove the illusion that fair women are best. Men fail to understand what women easily can…Embrace yourself with pride. Go out flaunt yourself, wear that backless gown to the next party. Walk with pride, let the jaws drop.*p*

  3. the very concept of an arranged marriage is not very progressing in the first place. so if you calmly put on your thinking caps, you shall see that most of the nuances that come along with the process of choosing a partner who is a complete stranger, only on the belief that you both are a suitable match, will be some what difficult to digest. if i dont know anything about the person i wish to marry and i have deadlines of just a week or a month to the max to make my decision of accepting or rejecting him/her, i am limited to choosing him based on his looks, his outlook and whatever best foot forward he puts for that little time we spend together. Instead I am sure, the same person may not pay heed to colours and looks had he liked your true self, with no pressure to make a fast decision, had they been given that chance!! *p*

  4. No we haven't. But remember that it is a market. A woman is seen to bring her looks to ensure good looking children. And a man brings his salary to ensure security for the children. The whole point of this market is not finding the right partner, but the right mate to reproduce with. It is convoluted and demeaning. I hope you find someone interested in you, who sees beyond colour. *p*

  5. That's the biggest sham. Some of us only have evolved and understand that colour discrimination and judging women on " aesthetic qualitites" don't make any sense. We have to understand there's an India and a Bharat, and however much we rant, the only way to make Bharat understand is to educate them. It's a long time process. *p**p*But hey! Don't be disheartened. I hope you meet the love of your life and your perfect match, someone who appreciates your dark skin and finds light in your soul. You should begin to reject anyone who judges you on colour! Be bold, and beautiful, that's the trick, always. *p**p* *p*

  6. Why would you even want to marry someone who can never see you more than your colour? Yes, I agree, that appearance makes up a lot of your personality but appearance doesn't mean your skin colour! Appearance means, how well do you present yourself infront of some public. *p**p*The society is slowly changing but has a lot more years to understand the term, dusky is beautiful! We have so many examples of actresses who are beautiful inspite of their dusky complexion. Yet, people do not understand and this is one of the main reasons why so many women in India aren't comfortable with their skin tone and opt for surgeries that give them shades of lighter skin tone. *p**p*Sampurna, you are beautiful and so is your skin tone and they haven't rejected you, they rejected the luck, beauty and peace you would bring to their family with such boldness and love! *p**p*Cheers to you, Suparna! *p**p* *p*

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