Have we opened up to interfaith marriages completely ?

I was at a college as faculty. There was a ravishing Brahmin girl who was pursued by a boy from a different faith. They fell in love or was it a well of despair? Whenever they came to me I extended my support and so did many others. They were not in a short time arrangement but seriously in love. Six years … We have fast forwarded. She got married to someone else. Has her pretty pictures on social media. Is and will always be a darling to me … The boy !!! Well I haven't been able to ask him anything . He was beaten up so many times by college regulars and stuck to his love then. He was economically sound too. Wonder what goes wrong? Would they really be able to forget each other? Even if they had got married what would be the level of support from both families? Or are couples these days really practical and able to move on? But six years??? Would they have been happier? No denying they might still be getting good people as their partners. But the experiences they built around their love !!!
I still feel something couldn't get completed ! Wish both well though.

What have your observations in similar cases been?

6 replies
Himani Pande
July 13, 2017


Himani Pande July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Dear Ranjana Kamo,*p**p*I agree with you. In many cases we have reduced human pairings to abuse. Intentions, queries and negatism in such cases become hard to wither. We get divided into sects. People take out their personal and political agendas putting these relationships to stake. All this leads to bewildered thinking on the part of the lovers and fragments their personality. Nothing comes with guarantee in this world. But these relationships are crushed even before they fully start. The mind control that others impose without reason only aggravates the fire. Our empathetic approach stops when we need to come up with convincing and unconditional solutions.All are in a hurry to break the pairing. *p**p*I remember another couple. The woman married interfaith. She was boycotted by the family. She could not visit her home even upon the death of her parents in the years to come. She has beautiful children but her brother is clear they will not visit his house. Izzat kharab hoti hei is the final concern. He wishes her well in her life but that's about it. Fortunately the girl has sensible in laws. She smilingly accepts her lot and remembers her parents. She wonders whether they have forgiven her from above. She really loves her husband and he loves and respects her in turn. But you can see the hurt in the woman's eyes and sense it in her speech. She has learnt to live with it.*p**p*Ranjana thanks for taking this discussion further. Beautiful participation.*p**p*Himani.*p**p* *p*

Ranjana Kamo July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Himani, this is a very relevant question. Our society, the castes, cultures, religions, have almost divided us instead of uniting us. The mindset is too narrow to see beyond this. I have personally witnessed interfaith marriages (all successful ones) and instances where lovers were separated by their families and could not get married. I am sure God made us all the same, He had no intentions of stamping us or grading us but humans have unfortunately done that. It would be a beautiful and happier world where people could marry the persons of their choice; wish we could live to see that world emerge.*p*

Himani Pande July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Dear Sawmya,*p**p*Nice so very nice to see your contribution. The range at which you have reasoned is very elevated. It never occurred to me that sons are supported for raping, imbalanced behaviour and shady activities. Girls too in certain aspects … When behaviour is not in conformity with societal standards. But why the standard falls like dominoes is beyond my understanding too when it comes to interfaith love. Very analytical of you Saumya.*p**p*When I started this discussion I was nowhere close to this reality and it's indeed a EurekAlert you are so right. Children, their love lives etc. become personal and 'emotional assets' of parents for wheeling, dealing and snuffing out like candle flames if that's the demand. Whereas bad behaviour is protected not remedied.*p**p*I don't have solutions … I think we can't have a solution book of sorts. All is very 'couple' verses 'family based.' Least we can do is to be tolerant of different views keeping in mind practical sides. In real life too all affairs do not carry the potential seeds of materializing. Let's at least respect their 'friendship' part and not get behind them like bloodhounds. A little time and a little patience and solutions do come. But not at the stake of life and an individual's dignity. The couple needs understanding if the emotions are mature. Not certainly cruelty, abuses, indignity and third degree treatment.*p**p*Thanks Sawmya. Your contribution carried great strength.*p*

Sawmya July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

The bitter fact is V Indians r not open to interfaith marriages.  I know a couple during my college days…they were blindly in love….the affair continued 4 4 years….ofcourse, parents found it….the girl was beaten  followed by emotional blackmailing.  At last her mother told" think about ur sister…who will marry her??.The poor girl fell into these words and the affair stopped.  There were  problems in boys family too. I know a parent who had to leave the city out of shame ……. just bcos her son married a girl of different religion.   Actually, I cant understand the real pscycology of this.  If ur son is a murderer, rapist or a woman beater …they r supported by their parents.  They go to any extent to save their children.  But not supported in these cases. Y???*p*

Himani Pande July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Hey Aman Singh thanks for pitching in. Yours is the first bead in the thread. As you say negative suggestions start working and a scenario of doubt creeps in. It's dampening. But maybe somewhere deep down we are more attuned to the ways of our faith. At least the support system doesn't get jeopardized. Risk taking could derail family life and leave a wrecking ball of emotions. I think it's less of the convenience but more of the deeply rooted into a specific faith factor. The notional part takes over passion based decision making. Maybe it's practical too. We learn to tether our emotions to permissible post/pole/pillar radius in such cases.*p**p*Well it's a blessing that they … i.e. the couple you have mentioned managed to stay happy after parting ways. Goodbyes to blues…best adjustment.*p*

Aman Singh July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

I knew a couple in college who were from different religions. Everyone knew about them and was doubtful regarding their relationship. They weren't doubtful in the beginning but everyone's skepticism got into them and even they lost their faith which they had. They starting fighting over something and somehow it always led to they being different from each other. But they realized it sooner than everyone that society's mindset is getting into them and it's good that they end it rather than being always bitter to each other. I don't know whatever decision they made was correct or incorrect but both of them are happy in their own ways now. And that's all that matters.*p*

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

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