How can I make my husband believe in me rather than listening to his moms words?

His mother twists him around, plays the health card or that she loves me, but she is always trying to pull me down, but not overtly! She is smart about it, never directly circizes me but somehow signals him on anything I have messed up. Help! 
 

6 replies
Anonymous
June 7, 2017

6 Comments

  1. I can totally understand this as I have gone through the same phase. I would advise that never complain to your husband about his mom. Be diplomatic with your husand when talking about his mom. You need to shower more love to your family. I know at times it is difficult but be compassionate towards your mother in law. *p**p*You will need to ignore sometimes and divert your mind to things which make you happy. To me, it was and is meditation, reiki healing and creativity with my daughter. *p**p*When you start believing firmly in yourself and the criticisim doesn't matter to you then not only your husband but everyone will listen and trust you. Be happy and content with the way you are. *p*

  2. Thanks…I like the bit about believing in myself! Thanks….*p*

  3. This is something most women do to each other, especially in a mother inlaw-daughter inlaw equation. Put each other down.. Thats what even inspired a whole movie, "Monster In – Law". *p**p*So this is universal. Each of us have different ways to deal with the same issue. If we look at it deeply, we are somewhat similar in all our relationships. If we give a lot in our friendship or our marriage, you will observe you are a giver everywhere. But does it mean you do not stand for yourself? I am certainly not saying we disrespect elders but , a woman when an ally is better than being in the opposite seat. *p**p*Communication is the best way forward I see. Most of us or many of us Shut ourselves up, we tell ourselves, 'what is the use, she will never change', or, I always get this behavioiur from her, why is she vicious towards me, let me avoid her.. maybe if we make her an ally, it would work better>? but since most mils along with being Vicious can also be manipulative, its tricky. Keep the dialouge open, keep her in the loop, keep talking to her, like any other family member, extremely tough, but i have seen, when we talk to them, without personal bias, they like it.. They think of us as less , of a danger sign. Funny but true.*p**p*Also, I would say, Do not let this effect you a lot, you have no control over another person. however, what we can control is how we react or respond. If you choose not to respond to her silliness??? or pettiness?? How would that land on her>? Lets be smart about it, But, also lets be kind about it. Let her do what she has to do. You do what you have to do. Have a great friendship with your husband, and be your own best friend. Dont get bogged down, Its ok, let it go.. easier said than done. But try… *p*

  4. The first thing is to stay calm about your mother in law's behavior. Remember its not directed against you personally. She is probably feeling insecure about her relationship with her son. *p**p*Be assertive about what you want to do.*p**p*Practice relaxation techniques like meditation or exercise.*p*

  5. This is a tricky area. Maybe a little direct talk with your mother in law can ease problems a bit. Most of the time it is lack of communication and empathy that lead to full blown fights. Of course indirect instigation is more difficult to deal with. Be careful not to directly criticize or blame her in front of your husband. Be loving, understanding, but make it clear to him that you don't like her constant interference. And ensure that he doesn't report everything to her.*p*

  6. This is a very genuine problem which is faced by every woman in a marriage. And, You really can't be a bitch about and try to manipulate your husband. Rather you should handle it with care and try to show that you're a genuine person. And try to convey the fact that you love your husband too and that's important for your mother in law to accept. Maybe things will get better after she accepts it.*p*

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