How do I start to think of my husband’s income as our income?

I was working for more than seven years before getting married and moving countries. I had to quit my job in the process and have no earnings of my own. It’s true that partners contribute to the marriage in ways other than money, but having been independent for so long, I’m unable to spend my husband’s money as my own, even on essentials. Do I need to get over it, and if yes, how?

14 replies
Shahnaaz Khan
June 7, 2017

14 Comments

  1. When we married, my wife was doing much better in her career than I. She had a better profile and a better salary. Then she decided to take a sabbatical for our first child. And I saw a major change in her pattern of spending that didn’t have much to do with the fact that our income had halved. She just wasn’t as free. I also noticed a change in her demeanour, her confidence level, her happiness quotient. I guess someone who has always been independent – financially and otherwise will always find it difficult when the status quo is disturbed. Its just a matter of habit I guess (habit is a weak word here, but for the life of me I can’t think of anything better). But the fact remains that now when my wife has started working again she is a lot more free and I love that. Financial independence and equality and the perceived inequality the difference in income brings in, that can be difficult to handle in a marriage.

  2. I think with us independent women our sense of independence comes majorly from being able to spend our own money and that is why we shy away from accepting any money from any other person. But the thing is when we get married we are choosing to let our husbands be responsible for us just as our parents were before getting married. I believe when your husband wants you to accept his money and spend it is because its his way of showing his responsibilities towards you I don’t think you should feel bad about it at all. There is no way you are letting go of your individuality or independence when you choose to spend that money.

  3. Try bringing something else to the table, which will add value to yourself and your relationship. Not everything needs to be a quid pro quo in a partnership. Money is just one factor. And if being financially independent is really that crucial, then look for a job. Even something small to cover your daily expenses. Losing confidence in oneself reflects negatively on any relationship.

  4. Shahnaaz, you need to be straight with yourself about this- is there a lot of remorse that you ” have no earnings of my own.”?
    if so, go ahead and earn some! if not really,now that you think of it, well loosen up and learn to enjoy the fact that someone is here in your life to pamper you . 🙂 Namah Shivaye.

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