“Intensity doesn’t match between us!” Is this a sane reason to move on from your current relationship?

We are in a long distance relationship.
Sometimes I feel I am the one who is making more efforts to make this relationship sweet and happy.
But I expect him to put efforts from his side.
I was wondering what kind of efforts can a put in a long distance relationship?

17 replies
Anshulika Bansal
August 24, 2017


Tuli Banerjee
Tuli Banerjee September 11, 2017 - 2:17 pm

If the spark is not left any more, you can make efforts to get the zing back in your relationships. If you still are not able to feel intensely for your partner, there is nothing wrong if you choose to decide otherwise.

Satarupa B Kaur
Satarupa B Kaur September 1, 2017 - 12:13 pm

Hey Anshulika,
I would simply like to say that you be happy that you have someone to love. Long distances are killers but such lovers emerge stronger. Overtime, if you manage the sniffs and snaps, you will have an amazing bond. As for expectations, someone in a rel of two, one always makes slightly more effort than the other. Take it in positive light and you will be the gainer. Let me know what you decide:)
A Big Box Of Love,

Anshulika Bansal
Anshulika Bansal September 1, 2017 - 12:23 pm

Hey Satarupa!

I have already decided to continue with the relationship. Had a discussion with my better half and everything is sorted out. About the efforts, yes I think I make slightly more efforts than him as the intensity of love does not match. I love him more than he loves me!

Satarupa B Kaur
Satarupa B Kaur September 2, 2017 - 12:19 am

It’s not that. Stay put and Give it more time. You’ll gain newer perspectives too. Finally, you could make a choice in your own without being all heckled. Luck and love.

Meenu Mehrotra
Meenu Mehrotra September 1, 2017 - 10:01 am

Passion is what drives a relationship and if it’s missing, you will eventually get frustrated . Long distance is never easy. The daily connection is very vital and trust & faith are most important when it comes to long distance.
You need to set your expectations right, talk about what you want from the relationship and be honest even if something trivial is bothering you. Communicate.
If you don’t feel it, then maybe he is not the one for you but express your feelings honestly, give him a chance to do what he can and if it’s still low intensity, then you need to rethink. Listen to your gut. Do what your heart says even if the world tells you exactly the opposite.
All the best!

Anshulika Bansal
Anshulika Bansal September 1, 2017 - 10:28 am

Thank you Meenu ma’am!
I am really grateful for your insightful reply to my discussion!
Hope you have a great day ahead!!

Meenu Mehrotra
Meenu Mehrotra September 1, 2017 - 5:47 pm

Lots of love x
You too have a great day!

Dr. Sanjeev Trivedi
Dr. Sanjeev Trivedi August 30, 2017 - 8:22 pm

Reasons for his ‘low intensity’ participation may be one or more, of the following:

1. Relationship is not a priority at this time. Something else occupies his mind.

2. If the relationship is awaiting commitment (naturally from his side) he may be contemplating another one.

3. He is too stressed to respond. (If he is stressed NOW, when will ever be eager ?)

4. He is not your type. He maybe an introvert or lesser expressive . Try to understand if your choice is correct.

5. Discuss expectations and outcome, draw deadlines and dump him if things do not come at least 75% of the level you expect.

Anshulika Bansal
Anshulika Bansal September 1, 2017 - 12:30 am

Thank you sir for your valuable answer.
I really appreciate the depth of the answer your provided me.

Devraj Kalsi
Devraj Kalsi August 24, 2017 - 9:37 pm

If you have felt that intensity is missing or has reduced or has not developed over a period of time, then you have to take a judicious decision. If you think it is one-sided without any significant contribution from the partner, in that you have the freedom to take a call and communicate your assessment of the relationship and the direction it is heading and share it with him. In case he realises it, then it is good. in case, he sticks to his present policy, you are left with no option but to walk out.

Anshulika Bansal
Anshulika Bansal August 24, 2017 - 9:40 pm

Thank You Sir!
For your valuable advice!

Team Bonobology
Team Bonobology August 24, 2017 - 5:10 pm

I feel, staying together and making the relationship is already a very hard thing to do, being apart is difficult on another level altogether. So your feelings are justified. It is not easy. It usually is the small things that make a difference on a daily basis. Try telling him gently the few things that he could do which will make you feel special, wanted and part of a relationship.
As for efforts, umm what helps my friends in long distance is – staying connected through the day with help of WhatsApp- sending pics, gifs, general updates. Exchanging the highs and lows of their day, when they have a moment, helps them stay connected with each other’s emotions much better. A loving phone call, A cute gif, a loving whatsapp – is irresistible when sent by the man/woman you love. You cant wait to be together again, however briefly that might be for.
As for moving on… even small things, if they mean a lot to one of the partners, can make a couple move away…

Anshulika Bansal
Anshulika Bansal August 24, 2017 - 5:13 pm

Thank you Team!
I will surely have a gentle discussion with him over this!

Urmimala Das
Urmimala Das August 24, 2017 - 4:15 pm

In my opinion ,long distance relationship is not very easy to handle and most of the time it doesn’t work. When it works, you will feel the sparks from both sides. And ya, it needs efforts from both sides.

Anshulika Bansal
Anshulika Bansal August 24, 2017 - 4:17 pm

Thank you Urmimala for taking out your precious time to read my discussion.

Yes long distance is really hard. What I feel is sometimes the efforts are not visible as the person is not physically present.

Thanks for your reply!

Christina August 24, 2017 - 3:49 pm

Not at all according to me. It’s how ur DNA is. U always love more feel more get more angry. Maybe ur partner is the calm type like still waters. Accept him love him appreciate him , maybe one day he will surprise u

Anshulika Bansal
Anshulika Bansal August 24, 2017 - 4:02 pm

Thank you ma’am!
I understand!
But those little expectations really drive me crazy!

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