Is a man ‘wired’ to be possessive about his woman?

Is a little possessiveness natural, even healthy in a relationship? What if a man doesn't care to see where his better half is during a party? What's the line between indifference, possessiveness and obsession?

19 replies
Shailendra Gulhati
June 7, 2017


  1. Like a bit of "Selfishness" is an essential ingredient of human nature, so is a bit of "possesiveness". In a relationship some element of possesiveness is required to retain the spice of life. Without this a relationship would be meaningless. Of course, care must be taken that it does not transgress in to the realm of "Over-possesivesness" which could have serious and dangerous repurcussions, tearing away the very fabric of love in a relationship.*p*

  2. I guess the partner not being able to stand it is more out of concern than being possessive!. Perhaps, the partner does not want to be embarassased seeing the other making a fool of himself.*p**p*One of the most common reasons for a tragic relationship is the 'helicopter spouse', always hovering around, denying the other the much needed space. Too much of togetherness can be counter-productive in a relationship.*p*

  3. I am not too sure, Ayesha, what you mean by "my husband has all the rights to be possessive about me". What about you? Do you also have the same rights of being possessive about your husband? Or, do you believe it's a man's world? I guess in a mature relationship there would be an element of mutual "possessiveness". Respecting each others's space is good; so is a bit of possessiveness.Love, Respect, understanding and trust are the quintessential ingredients in a relationship. And a bit of possessiveness! *p*

  4. First of all, I don't think possessiveness is gender related and no one is hardwired to be possessive. I think possessiveness stems from fear. The fear of losing someone you care about because someone else is more attractive to them than you. This could be physical, mental or financial attraction. It really doesn’t matter.*p**p*Simply put, someone is extremely possessive when they are extremely insecure.*p**p*Now, yes. A little possessiveness is totally natural in a relationship because no one is perfect and we all worry about our inadequacies when satisfying someone else with our company. But to be honest, if a man doesn’t check up on you in a party, it has less to do with possessiveness and more to do with, “is he really that into you?”. Did he not check up on you because he was not enjoying the party and having a grumpy day? Did he not check up on you because he was being the life of the party and preferred that more than hanging out with you? Whatever the reason, you cannot isolate this incident to measure his possessiveness. You can only use it to highlight what kind of social interactions you prefer with your partner and communicate the same.*p**p*Also, the line between indifference, possessiveness and obsession is a blurry one. 10 texts a day maybe obsessive to you but maybe not enough for me. So, you have to find your own okay and not okay in a relationship.*p**p**p*Good luck!  *p*

  5. You may have confused care with possessiveness. I want to know where my wife is, how she is doing etc because I care for her. Not because she is answerable to me or I own her movements. Indifference and obsession are not a part of love. Possessiveness coming from being responsible for someone else, their actions and their well being is an element of love, in my opinion. But possessiveness because you think you own your partner in any way or form is not love, it's selfishness. *p*

  6. I think it's incorrect to just tag man with this tag of posessiveness. Both the genders exhibit this trait equally, although there are some fundamental differences how it is displayed by them. A man is more direct and will generally show anger, displeasure and more aggressive expressions of possessiveness. A woman on the other hand is more subtle. I stll remember the character of Natasha and her relationship with Kabir in the movie "ZIndagi na milegi dobara" . The ways in which she expressed her possessiveness was a classic example of how woman express it in their relationships.*p**p*Having said that, being possessive is always a recipe for disaster in a relation, sooner then later. The human spirit has to be allowed to soar high, unfettered and free from all encumbrances. Possessiveness is a negative emotion(with fear as a backdrop) while belongingness is a positive emotion ( with pleasure as a backdrop). When we focus on something too much with  fear in mind, we are creating negative frequencies which distance us from the aims. Focus instead on belonging and things will fall into place.*p*

  7. Impossible not be possessive…at times it is also about ego…how the spouse flirting makes the other partner look….it is embarasing too. But I, being a man feel that for me it is always about just that evening. Does not mean anything other than that, but my partner cannot stand it! *p*

  8. Yes they vary in degree , extreme level of possessiveness often lead to unpleasant things. Possessiveness is absolutely unacceptable. Love allows freedom not suppression. A truly sensitive emotionaly intelligent person will only Take recourse of love and care. The so called romantic notions around being possessive have been fed by narratives doing round in the society.*p*

  9. Human emotions have varied hues. Other than few basic emotions people tend to patronise on different levels on emotional quotient. Possessiveness is certainly not a healthy trait but is secretly relished by certain females. They consider it to be something as an incentive to cement the relationship. Love, respect isn't subject to any conditions , possessiveness is simply unacceptable.*p*

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