Is it over?

Like the song, we dont talk anymore, Ours is such a situation too. We dont come close anymore. Its not that i miss sex with him, cause it was bad from the very first time. our first kiss was a disaster. Our sex was really really bad, i never got anything out of it, except some juvenile kind of making out. We never had kids, my hope of having my 3 pretty children has dwindled down to, "Maybe i never wanted in the first place…." kind of thing. However, we like each other a lot. We are our best friends, we know each other really well and cant think of leaving each other. We laugh seeing all the funny things, we are updated on whats on net and stuff.. we will watch movies together, go on really good holidays and be happy just being together. But there is no romance, there is no sex, its kind of weird, as we dont talk about it anymore, more so because When i bring it up, he looses it, or he gets upset, or he says i am blaming him, i have to look within too, and that, It takes two to tango.. so the blame is back on me… in a way… "Oh, you are not attracted to me…" ya maybe, because you dont make any effort anymore, not that you made any initially. We went on holidays because, its fun, or its the thing to do, or because you wanted to see those places with someone special… I worked a lot on myself over the years, i saw sexologists, i saw therapists, but i feel, all he cares about is his career. I have become too involved with myself to gather the courage to leave, but when i remember my dreams of being a mother and having a house full of dogs and children, i resent him, i hate him . Can you tell me, whats going on? Are we finished? Are we just prolonging the inevitable… Div……

23 replies
July 13, 2017

23 Comments

  1. I know this will sound easier said than done. But if you really want to fulfill your dreams of the life you wanted, it is time to have a chat. He may put up a wall or start an argument. But ask him nicely what he wants from this relationship? WHere does he see you two in ten years, and where does he see himself? Then you can share your answers to those questions. There is compromise involved. So if you want it to work, you both will have to find  a middle ground. If he wants no kids, what about pets? If he wants neither and you give up your dreams of both, what do you get out of this? Is there something else you want that he can give. Of course you have shared many moments together which will always be special. But is that enough. Time for decisions. The rest of your life lies ahead. Begin now.*p*

  2. Please don't give up on him. *p**p*Maybe you can adopt kids. Give life to a couple of.homeless orphans. This way there are kids and at the same time you have your awesome husband. *p**p*I don't have a solution for the other problem though. But hey, please don't give up on him. Speaking on behalf of all the lovely husband's who love their wife but never really understood her expectations and feelings. *p*

  3. Gather courage and move out of this relationship as a couple…. you can still be friends but how come no sex no children,motherhood is very beautiful do you want to miss that in this life? May be he is gud to you becoz he is not able to give you sexual happiness.I feel start a fresh relationship give birth to kids have petdogs n complete your life.Sorry of my opinion hurts you just wish you full happiness.*p*

  4. It is good that you are thinking about your relationship situation. Before trying to find a solution, it is better to outline the whole problem and face the same with all your courage. In your case, first you have to identify, is he really your well-wisher and supporter or not. *p**p*Being career-oriented is not a big thing and I do not believe that he should be punished for that. I understand that you have your own goals, aspirations, and desires, but when you do not want to give a second thought to giving up your desires, how can you think that he should give up his career-orientation. A relationship is a two-edged sword, you cannot just keep juggling it without being hurt if you do not exercise extreme caution. I understand that he does not give you time that you want, but do not just take it as a reason to end a relationship. *p*

  5. I have sought help Dr Trivedi. But something doesn't complete itself. I dont know where I am going wrong. *p*

  6. Sad that you had have peddled in muddy water so far.*p**p* *p**p*I wish you would have had sought help. Yours is a 'fancy but almost gone case', meaning, the goodness around, lolipoped you to close your eyes to harsh realities.*p**p* *p**p*Relationship is slipping out of your fingers. Seek competent and experienced professional help. *p*

  7. I still think you should be open with your husband. Ask him what he wants in life and telk him about yours too. Just a little talk without a blame game. *p*

  8. I have to re think my words, is he really my best friend. He is my biggest supporter after my mom, he feels happy in the small acheivments i have, he doesnt force me to do things i dont want to do, he guides me many times, he says i am a project, but who is not… I need a lot of hand holding, so he sometimes does that too… sometimes i am rude, he is not. *p**p*But then he is too career oriented. I cant be trapped like this for ever..*p**p*But thank you, you have said a lot of amazing things and I want to re visit all of them many times..  *p*

  9. Desire of being desired and the subsequent satisfaction is a demanded from a relationship like a marriage. But the same should not be the case or should be recognized as a criteria for having a normal relationship. *p**p*When I read about your situation, all I can see is that there is some sort of desire in you regarding motherhood that is not just being fulfilled by your partner. Otherwise, you seem to have everything that a couple desire for- a best friend, a partner and a support in times of need. You yourself said that you go places where anyone would want to go with a soulmate.*p**p* *p**p*Your previously set idea of a perfect life is being challenged currently and that is not letting you remain in peace with your present. It's ok to have perceived notions about marriage, life and future, but not everytime your notions are correct. Sometimes, you need to look at everything with an open outlook and learn to accept all what is positive in your life. *p**p*Just a mortal desire (which I believe is not all that is needed for being happy) should not dwindle your mind to take a step that can have negative impact on your future. I mean just think of it, how many people accept that their partner is their best friend and the same  is felt by their partner. Very minimal. This is a blessing in disguise. Learn the art of counting your blessings. And try learning the art of being content too.*p**p* *p**p*If you still believe that your desire is above everything in your life, there are many other ways to solve the problem. The best one being discussion with your partner about your thoughts. I believe, being your best friend he will understand and will help you find a much better solution that anyone here can suggest. *p**p*Have open communication. It will pay off for sure.*p*

  10. Rupali, I love your honest reply. I would really like to think it this way. *p**p*But as you said, if i have said everything is there, i have to sit and think, is it really there, or is it a fiction of my mind. I am often called impractical by people who understand me. Why are you full of heart.. is something i hear too.. *p**p*Is he really listening, have i painted too rosy a picture about our friendship? because if that were true, then, he wouldnt be shut in his home office every evening. the most exciting thing we do is watch comedy together and laugh. *p**p*Once on a train, abroad, he had come to drop me off, i was going to see a dear friend and it was just for one day. when i saw him across the window, my heart sank, and i felt like crying. It still happens, i will never be able to say goodbyes. I am too worse at it. *p**p*Thank you for taking the time to think and write for me so well. *p**p* *p*