Is it wise to move back to a relationship or marriage considering other related factors without having resolved the one that got you separated at the first place?

Often, may be very often and rightly so, before ending a relationship we ponder over the affect that it might have on us; how, and in what ways, our life might not be the same again; how to try and achieve a sort of "settled" feeling in that relationship, knowing that the basic dynamics of it still remains the same- the core question that led to this wish of breaking it off is still unsettled. And also how it might pain or assuage the “significant others” who are actually an inseparable part of this “our” link.
Is it also about the tussle between “coming out of the so-called comfort zone” (if there is any comfort at all in it) or assumed misconception that “life is always greener on the other side” ?

16 replies
Saurabh Paul
June 7, 2017

16 comments

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
Abhijit Gadre June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

If there is one reason to break up there must be ten to remain together or patch up. Howmuchsoever the reason is important it is imperative to consider all the relevant factors. I would not suggest compromise but valuing pros and cons seems implicit.*p*

ShailGulhati June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Its too wide a question, the parameters could be very varied. Like young dependant children when you have a problem with infidelity,or a control freak in law when you live in the same house.The answer is that if the "if" even crops up, it must certainly be worth a second chance.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

 *p**p*The one that got the couple separated, had to be a major issue and how come  one can think of reunion, with the issue still intact ? Unless both have made up their minds to make a compromise and keep eyes closed on it. Actually depends upon the issue and it's nuisance value in future.*p*

RakshaBharadia June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Hey Saurabh,,,I actually spoke to a couple on this. This piece may help you! https://www.bonobology.com/relationships/challenges-and-advice/876-how-distance-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder*p**p*And no…I think two people should speak of the unresolved issues for sure but then you must remember Saurabh that many times things we think are unresolvable today change priortites later…Think about it. *p**p* *p*

Saurabh June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks a lot Raksha for sharing the piece :)*p**p*It indeed helped. Some nagging issues that  potentially tears a relationship apart often losses significance with time and in larger context of things, eventually leading to a stronger bond: as in the case of this couple.*p**p* *p*

Saurabh June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks for your comment, Ram:)*p**p*So – "look, before you leap, "; but once you take the leap, don't look back.*p*

Saurabh June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks for your reply, this really helped:)*p*

Saurabh June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

True! *p**p*But ' by being happy after calling it quits' do you mean that we are delighted from inside having got rid of a self- draining relationship, or is it just that our ego got a boast?*p*

Saurabh June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks.It sounded so perceivable, logical, rational!*p*

Saurabh June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks a lot Manjari for your reply :)*p**p*  The  fact that your husband took pains to convince his parents – over a reasonably long period of time- shows his commitment towards the relationship. Probably, in your case, the base being strong, the other factors could be overlooked, and so the second time it clicked?*p**p*Otherwise, we often get to hear that that the force that got us together was not strong enough to hold us together…..*p*

Ram June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Never make haste. The grass may probably be greener on your own side. Make peace first. Then, reflect. Take your time. Think deeply if you are ready to have a relationship. Why do you even say, "Move back"? 🙂 Always move ahead, and with full consciousness of what the past was, never to repeat those mistakes. Since one relationship ended, it doesn't mean you are unfit for relationships. Even ten break-ups don't matter if you are in the right mind to pursue the eleventh. All one needs therefore, is that precious time alone to understand oneself better before moving ahead. Cheers!*p*

Amrita June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Separating from the partner must have happened on certain grounds. If u r happy with ur decision then why do u want to go back? We r so much conditioned by what others see and think of us that we forget to look at ourselves. If u *p*

Bhagyashree Sowani June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

You have broken up with your ex for a  reason. By getting back with him  you run the risk of having an on off type of relationship. *p**p*In case you are still considering remember the following points *p**p*Have you taken out enough time away from the relationship. *p**p*Are both of you still resentful about the same issues *p**p*Are both of you willing to compromise *p**p*In the end just follow your heart. Sometimes your ex is the only person who brings out the best in you. In this case just give it a try but have realistic expectations and you have to be a changed person from the one in the previous relationship. *p*

Waseem Imam Saheb June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

It depends highly on what the issue that caused the dissolve of the relationship is in the first place. As some one else commented here about the dowry being the issue in their own relationship but they overcame it  by not making it an issue for themselves on their second try… *p**p*So it largely depends on what the issue is ?*p**p*is it primary to the relationship?*p**p*is it internal to the relationship  meaning between you and your partner? *p**p* *p**p*Or is it external to the relationship? Parents? Jealous ex? Friends? Work? *p**p*Its difficult to dispense advice with out much more to go on. But id say approach it with self awareness and clarity. Try and rationalise what the problem is and if its related to the ego on oneself or others .. it can be worked on through couples therapy*p**p*be commited to your love and wanting to make it work *p**p* *p**p* *p**p* *p*

ManjariPandey June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I and my husband had separated because of his dowry demanding absolutely absurd minded pareted. Though he managed to convince them after one year and we got married, his parents are still the bone of content between us. *p**p*So what. We can never resolve that issue but we moved into the second time and it is working. *p**p*In your second chance, of course you will come across the point that got you separate but don't forget you will also come across the pointS that got you together. *p**p*Ignore one thing for the sake of everything. *p*

ManjariPandey June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I and my husband had separated because of his dowry demanding absolutely absurd minded parents. Though he managed to convince them after one year and we got married, his parents are still the bone of content between us. *p**p*So what. We can never resolve that issue but we moved into the second time and it is working. *p**p*In your second chance, of course you will come across the point that got you separate but don't forget you will also come across the pointS that got you together. *p**p*Ignore one thing for the sake of everything. *p*

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