Is Monogamy really logical?

Don’t we change all through out life? Every 3-4 years we can’t believe what we were 3 years back. We are smarter. Our dreams have changed. etc. If such is life and such is the way in which we change constantly throughout life, is monogamy – the act of holding on to one partner – really logical? You were attracted to a person during a point in your life. You spent a lot of time together. You two know everything about each other and you see that you both are headed down different paths. In such a situation, does it make sense to continue with the old relationship or is it wiser to seek out a new partner who you will relate to better? Who will help you grow?

14 replies
Neetole Mitra
June 7, 2017

14 comments

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
Amit Shankar Saha June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

“You two know everything about each other and you see that you both are headed down different paths. In such a situation, does it make sense to continue with the old relationship or is it wiser to seek out a new partner who you will relate to better? Who will help you grow?”*p*This does not go against monogamy. If someone does not continue with an old relationship and seeks a new partner then it is monogamy. If someone continues with more than one relationship at the same time then it goes against monogamy. Legally polygamy is akin to adultery under Hindu law but one can obviously go for polyamoury if one eschews the bonds of marriage and preferably the partners know about it. Monogamy is more a matter of will and commitment guided by a sense of responsibility than any logical human act.

Shubhajyoti June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

No! It is not logical. But it depends on how you act on it. You feel the desire to be with someone else and it is not feasible for any human being to feel attracted to one particular person throughout his/her life. But again, how would you act on it? I write! You may discuss and express your desire to someone close to you. From my wee experience I have realised that forceful suppression of desires (be it sexual or anything else) causes much harm than indulging the act of sleeping with someone else! Would you suppress or would you express? Think about it!

Hema June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

If you so drastically get smarter in 3 years of time then why at all you need to marry? Just be around with your smartness compatible person and keep growing without hurting anyone. there is no need to get married to someone and after three years announce to that someone ‘you are outdated and I am not growing with you.’ It might hurt that someone badly.*p*

Badchalan June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

That’s a very liberal answer. Something I’d personally advocate for. But imagine for a second you really are in that situation. Would it really be so easy to make such a practical decision. Wouldn’t you all of a sudden feel tremendously selfish – that the person you claimed to have loved all this while can be discarded so easily. What’s the value left to relationships then? What’s the value of companionship and partnership? Could you yourself be discarded just as easily? I would lose faith in love for good, if this is how it turns out to be, I guess

Badchalan June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It’s worked because monogamy often becomes an alibi for people to hide in the comfort of their homes and fall back into a routine. Sex is one of our biggest motivations. Isn’t that what Sigmund Freud said? So in a world where sex is taboo, most of us are too reluctant, guilty or tied down to aspire more. We make peace. I don’t know. Just a crazy theory I guess.

Badchalan June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I know! Marriage is all about ‘trying’. Much like that job. Your survival, promotion everything depends on how much you try. Just thought relationships would be worth more than efforts. What happened to living in the moment? butterflies in the stomach and going with the flow?

Badchalan June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Indeed! Suppressing anything is problematic. And why should anyone suppress? I mean one life. One single shot at making the most of it. Isn’t it? But yes, what does one do? Is it really that simple? You act on a ‘desire’ end up losing all that you were a part of. Ending a relationship is also losing a part of yourself you’ll never get back. Wow. Complicated! Innit?

Badchalan June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It’s not so much sexual as it is intellectual. Of course our sexuality stems from the mind.

Rohini June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Monogamy, like any other challenge in life, works depending on how much you try for it. Any future will depend on past decisions. Marriage is the same. And thankfully there is a way out

Aman Singh June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Well nothing in this world is absolute or politically correct. Ancient rulers with thousands of concubines also got extinct and leaders with one spouse to whom they were devoted also are in the page of history. So, it’s not like what is correct or which one’s better. There are people who are like free souls and can’t entirely devote their life to one person or institution to stay happy and there are again people who like to stick to one partner, one love, one everything to lead a happy life. So, it’s not about what’ll help you grow but it’s about what makes you and the person you love happier.

Shahnaaz June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Find someone that grows with you and helps you grow*p*It’s not easy, but also not impossible as the many monogamous happy couples will tell you 🙂

RakshaBharadia June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I think Monogamy works for society. It gives stability and structure. And for individuals it is both a blessing and a curse. We need someone to be a witness to our life. Monogamy gives that. But it clips us too. And how can we be accused on a promise made 3, 5, 10 or 20 years ago to love as we did then? How can we know what the future me will be like? Crazy irrational and yet somehow it has worked.

modernromeo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It is crazy to expect that we will not be attracted to another. Strong, crazy attraction. Also that sex can be great after you have done it over a 1000 times! It is crazy to expect either of these. Yet, all agencies see that.

Vivek June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Monogamy is a socially constructed norm I would say, and thanks to gyaan from some “pyaar ek hi baar hota hai” Bollywood movies. People change like seasons, their interests, aspirations, intelligence level, everything keep changing and if one partner is not able to keep up with another, grow with the other despite both of them putting in enough efforts, they should of course part ways in pursuit of new partners.

Leave a Comment