Keeping your mobile phone and passwords private and defining these boundaries in your relationship- is this healthy/detrimental?

While we talk of being honest with our partner, it has been often seen that relationships have turned ugly when the spouse uses gmail, FB passwords and whatsapp conversations maybe just out of curiosity but it often leads to gross misinterpretations of conversations with friends of opposite sex and raking up the past which can create havoc in the current relationship. While trust is key, respecting each other's space and understanding that each individual is bound to have a life outside the bond that you both share- does it make sense in mutually deciding that you will respect this space and stay away from your partner's phone, not demand that they share their passwords?

22 replies
Akshata Ram
June 7, 2017

22 comments

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
Bhagyashree Sowani June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

It's good to have a life of your own but it's not ok to have conversations that you know your spouse will not like. Instead of covering up with passwords just don't do things that will get your spouse resentful. Your life will be simpler.*p*

Bhagyashree Sowani June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

It's good to have a life of your own but it's not ok to have conversations that you know your spouse will not like. Instead of covering up with passwords just don't do things that will get your spouse resentful. Your life will be simpler.*p*

Riti Kaunteya June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

We know each other's passwords. There are no secrets but that doesn't mean we snoop behind each other's backs.*p*

Rupali Tiwari June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

me and my husband have known each other for the past 2 years and he has a lock on his phone and all his passwords of all hi social ids are known to me. not because i had to know but just because he wanted me to know every single detail of his life. yes boundaries are important. but it depends on who you share your boundaries with. i know i will be happy not knowing his details or passwords and teh same goes for him. samll things like these doesnt effect a relation. all that matters is trusting the partner. *p*

Sabyasachi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I feel there is no one answer to this, it would vary from couple to couple. It can be that they decided that each should take the other into confidence when making friends with anyone from the opposite sex and then that needs to be respected. If they decide that no one will ask the other any question each should try to respect that. However, given that we are humans and not programmed machines, pact or not, there should be space to discuss one's insecurities with the partner. Of course both should have the same liberties or constraints in a relationship. *p*

Ankeeta June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Although I don't have any male friends,  there is a golden rule between me & my hubby that we won't spy on each others phone or emails.  My hubby has a few female friends & was also in a relationship before we got married. *p**p*However,  I  trust my husband completely.  Yes, like most wives I do become insecured at times,  but it is totally upon me to trust my husband or doubt him.*p**p*I choose the former for a healthy relationship. *p*

Rishav Ray June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

If the trust is there I do not think there is any need to violate those spaces. This is not something you should ask your partner to comply. I feel it is very childish. Something like this will surely put me off.*p*

Rishav Ray June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Exactly! I do not understand this. Whether you are single or married you have no right to check your partner's phone. I find it very offensive and cheap. And on top of that keeping a track of facebook passwords and personal stuff is too pathetic. So there is no doubt in my head that these things should be avoided in a relationship.*p*

Akshata June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thats key- change is important as the relationship matures*p*

Akshata June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

True trust and key and as long as both stick to the unsaid pact, its a fairytale. But often one is tempted to break the pact and thats when things start going downhill. This is what happens in most cases, not all though and an ideal relationship would be one where both respect and maintain restraint despite having all the information about their spouse*p*

Akshata June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

True there can never be one answer , to each his own*p*

Akshata June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Ha thats funny! Personally I think more than official mails (which anyway a spouse wont  be able to comprehend) its the pesonal stuff like having a purely platonic relationship with someone from the opoiste sex which is often the cause of discord in a relationship. So the question is – either decide to be the sacrifical goat and sever all ties to please the spouse or stick to your conviction which also means its better that the spouse  doesnt invade on your space. Each should respect that boundary*p*

Akshata June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I do not agree to the statement "dont do things which will make your spouse resentful"  who decided what constitues resentful. Its too broad and subjective a term. So if a woman's talking to a male friend is objected to by her spouse , would that mean she severs all ties. I completely oppose giving just anyone that kind of blanket authority.*p*

Akshata June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Glad to hear that you decide to put your insecurities aside and stick to your agreement. Thats key in any relationship. *p*

Akshata June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

This is the ideal relationship every couple should have and such a case sharing passwords  and the phone is  of no consequence as both trust and repect each other and give that space. But I have often seen one among the couple tempted to breach that code of trust and thats when hell breaks loose. Its great to hear about your parents and wish more people follow theor example*p*

Akshata June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Indeed! Its important to draw a line in every relationship, and a spouse is no different. There is a life as an individual that we have which is not tied to the spouse*p*

Akshata June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Glad to hear that I am not the only one who thinks like that. I wrote a post a while ago and was bombarded with questions and people telling me why would you hide your passwords/phone unless you were doing something you want to conceal. Well If I was I would not have been guillable enough not to delete it!*p*

Malini June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

It't funny that due to my extremely pathetic memory, I cannot remember passwords, so my husband has even made a finger unlock for me, on his I phone, but i am bad at that too, so I feel frustrated when i cant unlock to check a sudden message. *p**p*But i guess you know when something is off, women do not need a phone to confirm this, our intuition is quite strong in this. *p**p*And I have no locks and passwords in my phone. So I think each to his own. I do not feel the need to hide anything, neither does he. But for people who feel the need to do so, maybe one explanation is the official mails that is required to be official only. Other than that I dont see a need for secrecy. *p*

Malini June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Agree, there is no answer to this. *p*

modernromeo June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

You hit the nail! Why do we have to behave like two bodies one soul! I am total believer in having and giving space. Also many a flirtations die, many interests too. Why should we know about every little thing that happens with our partners?  *p*

M Mohanty June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Yes, I think people must always define boundaries in relationships. That said, I think those boundaries are fluid. They can change as the relationship matures.  *p*

SaumyaTewari June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I will start with a story from five years ago-*p**p*I was studying in The Netherlands and I had a classmate from Uganda- she and I sat next to each other all the time and became very close freinds. She was a bit older to me- she had a 13-14 year old son. We were discussing general stuff and technology and I told her that my parents and I don't keep passwords from each other. We all know all the passwords we use! She said, "wow, you really are a family"!*p**p*The way I have seen my parents- they trust each other. They share things with each other. And they know how to give each other the required privacy. They don't spy on one another with passwords. For that matter, they don't spy on me either :)*p**p*And that is what sharing your password with your family means- that you know they trust you in return and don't keep a tab on you.*p**p*I still don't see the big deal in hiding digital passwords. *p*

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