My husband cheated on me

My husband of 7 years cheated on me two years ago and we separated. Now he is all apologetic and wants us to get back together. I am not sure if I have forgiven him yet. But I don’t know what to do. We have a 5 year old daughter, who loves her father and was just beginning to move on without him around. Please help!

2 replies
Rohini
June 7, 2017

2 Comments

  1. You have got to be kidding me! I really find it amusing that you would even consider taking a cheating husband back. I know you have the well being of your daughter in mind, but really she is better off without a father who is a cheating man. And anyway, she has begun moving on from him. So, please do yourself and your growing daughter a favour and stay away from a loose character. You have a long, fulfilling life ahead and you definitely deserve better! Who knows, if you take him back, he might cheat on you again and at that time the damage done to you emotionally will be far greater than now.

  2. I think it is a matter of convenience. It always makes sense to bring up a child together. The child will get both the parents and the burden on you as a single parent will also lessen. That’s a practical solution. About cheating, that’s a different thing altogether. In today’s urban context, casual sex with a colleague or having a friend with benefits is so common, it is almost a norm. Am not going into the right or wrong of it, but if he has been with someone else, you can have an open relationship. What matters is, are you two good friends? To cohabit with someone, a good friendship is very necessary. But remember, you have equal rights to go out and experiment with other men at your own free will, even if you are together with your ex.
    I suggest an open relationship, a good friendship, and bringing up the child together without any friction. About relationships, if he has found reason to go out once, he might go out again, and you can explore too.

  3. Once a cheat, always a cheat. If he can cheat on you and get separated then believe me he doesn’t want you back. I am not a big believer of Karma but that’s how it should work. He wasn’t there for his wife and daughter for 2 years then why try to be back now. Stay strong. Love the ones who love you back equally.

  4. Ask yourself. If you have forgiven him or if you are ready to compromise the rest of your life, then bring him in. When he comes back, he will only remind you of the husband who cheated on you and your life could well border on absurdity. The best person who can find the solution to this problem is you. No matter what everyone says, it was you who had been there and faced all of it. So it is you who can decide whether to forgive him or not.

  5. This decision will depend on many things and only you know what all need to be considered and taken into account. We all make mistakes and realise it, we all want another chance and as much as i believe in goodness, I think once we realise our faults we try our best to not repeat those again. Getting attracted to someone else might have various reasons, u need to find that first. If it was beauty ,then there is a 100% chance that he will get attracted to someone else again. But if it was something else, that u both could sit, talk and sort out then the journey ahead might be amazing again. But as a woman, i will suggest only one thing – dont hate him ever, dont be judgemental either because these will only hurt u, emotionally and will lower your self esteem but think and come to a decision, a decision which makes u feel good about yourself and your self respect isnt shattered.

  6. The main thing is that what you want Raisha dear. It’s good to think about your child but not at the sacrifice of your values of life. Life is not about always adjustments. IF you feel convinced that your husband is really sorry for what he had done 7 years back & you think by giving a second chance to him you can bring back all happiness in your child’s life then go for it because everyone should get a second chance. But if you aren’t fully convinced with his apology give it some more time ,take some more time to think about instead of patching things back together because it’s not only about your child it’s your life too. It’s better the child isn’t included in this discussion because she is too small to think what’s going on around. Better you think upon it & take the decision as a whole on behalf of you & your child.The rest will follow. It’s better you take some time go slow & then come out with a firm opinion which you think won’t hurt your self-respect & even your child future and love of her for her father. Be strong…..

  7. I am not sure if I have forgiven him. But I also don’t want to deprive my daughter of her father, and a regular stable family these growing up years. She doesn’t even know why daddy doesn’t stay with us anymore. In my confusion, she is getting punished!

  8. Thank you for your kind words. I think taking it slow is the best option. I will let him into our lives again slowly, and see if he truly is sorry and willing to work on our family.

  9. Find out what is the depth of his relationship with her. Why is he coming back? There are no straight answers. Depends on how much you miss him? how mush he misses his family. How have you been without him the last 2 years.

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