Need suggestions

I am 44 yr widowed man from pune, having 2 kids. my wife passed away 5 years back. I was totally busy with office and looking after my kids. I have some tragic past as my first girlfriend/finance passed away in accident and my wife passed away due to heart attack. Since then I am living happily with my kids.Recently my friends suggested me to join dating site for companion/female friend. I joined one site and surprisingly got in touch with divorcee lady(single mother). We connected very fast to each other that we meet for coffee next day. It was good 2 hours coffee date. We shared lots of things about each other. She even told me about her last 2 relationships very openly.We used to chat long hours at nights. She was giving all indication that she just love my company. she was very excited and was telling me that she is eagerly ready to be in relationship with me as most of our views/liking/hobbies were matching. On 3rd day of our friendship, she suggested that we should go for dinner on next day. I was ready, due to holidays my kids were went to my in-laws house. At night around 1 a.m. she messaged me to meet in morning at her place as she is very excited. I took leave and went to her place. We had nice talk and while talking I took her hand in my hands. All of sudden she told me sorry I can’t do it. I was ok and leave her hands. She told me that she will inform me about evening dinner. So I left place and went to CCD for coffee. She sent me message that sorry as she is not able recover from her previous relationship and canceled our dinner.After that date she just stop communication, I was not able to understand what happened in few mints. I even messaged her “Is there anything I did wrong?”. She told me no you are very nice lovable guy. We can be good friends, can’t move ahead. I do respect her feelings. She is not even consider me as her friend as most of my messages (which I write hardly once in few days) she is deleting without reading.I really fall in love with her, but do respect her feelings and stopped communication with her. But she activated my sensual desire. Now I don’t know how to come out of it. It’s really difficult for me. Few day I am taking long route to my office from her home. Although I am not stopping there, but can’t forget her. What can I do?

14 replies
June 7, 2017


Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
DeeptiMenon June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

This sounds as though she is not ready for a new relationship, and needs more time. You should take her suggestion and remain good friends, and maybe one day, she might come to care for you. If not, you will need to remain strong and keep away.*p*

Aman Singh June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

You've seen worse in life and got past all of that. You're a strong person with a big heart. And, you were there for your children when they needed you the most. So, don't worry. Good karma will work for you. Don't worry. If things have to work out then it will. And if it doesn't then you're experienced enough to face it. So, don't worry. *p*

I am Krishna June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Yes, people follow different timelines to heal…*p*

Gaurav June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

First things first: She is not ready for this, and she is still not over her past relationship. People follow different timelines to heal and sometimes, they are not even aware of the fact that it would take them that long.*p**p*But what you need to focus on is, you are certainly healed at some level, if not completely. Therefore you could take this step. And were ready to be in love. This also gives you an insight that you are capable of feeling love and being in it. You need to pursue that thought and feeling. She became the medium for that relaisation but maybe she doesn't need to be the holder of it.*p**p*You need to pursue that feeling of yours and still be on the site, or still look for love. Right now it will be difficult for you, for you also need to go through a phase of convalescence. But at the same time, understand that the source of your love and happiness is not outisde of you, it is inside you. So, don't give up on love. Don't give up on your belief that it is possible to find love and have another experience.*p*

RamendraKumar June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I think    because  of her previous experience she is not able to trust you.  You are  a tough guy and have lived through a lot. Just forget about her, return to the dating site and look for someone who is more sure of herself. *p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Dear Friend,*p**p*I empathise with you and your feelings. You have written your problem in detail and that is indicative of how seriously you have taken this relationship. It was a bit early for you to get attached so much.*p**p* *p**p*A girl or a woman is slow to respond. Especially if she has had previous relationship(s) it adds on to hesitation or even confusion. Your eagerness for the physical part of the relationship has put her off.*p**p* *p**p*What you need to do now is to exercise restraint. Keep in touch but do not be too communicative. Give her an opportunity to initiate expressing her feelings. It may take few weeks or even months but if you are gently persuasive for knowing her, in her own words, you shall win her over one day. It is a mind game which you need to win by subduing your ego and assertiveness.*p**p* *p**p*Be gentle, polite, caring and appreciative. Always be present for her but never hover on the head. She shall open up one day.*p**p* *p*

Rayan June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks Deepti for your kind words*p*

Rayan June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

sorry for late reply. thank you very much for your encouraging kind words. may be this type of situation happens the first time, that's why the impact was more.*p**p*actually, i was going very slow, there was no hurry and was just looking at her as good friend or person to share some personal stuff. when I relook at the speed we were, I think she was in hurry. She took initiative for meeting as well as showing her eagerness about my sexual life. I think due to which I carried away. *p**p*Anyway, I recovered much. Tried to communicate with her for few times as good chat friends. but looking at her one-word response(mostly all emoji/WhatsApp icon ) I just stop taking communication initiative from my side. *p**p*what I evaluate during this time was I was happy and doing great before I meet her and if she is not communicating she is losing a good friend and well wisher.*p**p*Thanks again to everyone for your valuable encouraging kind words, which help me to evaluate and calm down my frustration.*p*

Rayan June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

thanks for your kind words *p*

Rayan June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

thanks for your encouraging positive response. it is almost 5 years i am a single father. such type of situation I am facing first time. May be due to which it impact me more..*p**p*thanks again *p*

Rayan June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

thanks for your encouraging words..  *p*

Rayan June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

thanks for your valuable suggestions *p*

Tina June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

That is so sad…but you should move on. What I get from this is that you are lonely and hence giving more imporstnce to this girl not because of what she is but because you need a companion. There are many women..explore and forget about her please..*p*

Tina June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

What a nice advice!*p*

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