No loyality in men

Hi all, I come from middle class Indian family with values, recently I went for my school reunion there I met my old school friend ,she and her husband had love marriage and look like perfect couple, but another common friend of us told me that her husband is cheating on her.She is also good friend so I know she has not cooked up a story.Ever since I came back from reunion I feel as if no man on earth is loyal to his wife, my husband is good responsible person , he is my pride as we are happy in our married life, but lately I feel he might also be not loyal to me, this thoughts keep coming in my mind, though I have no proofs or anything for that matter that I should doubt him.I feel men consider sex and love differently and they may be responsible in family but they may indulge in sex outside without guilt.Please help me to come out of this recurring thought process  or is it a accepted norm that men will be not faithful ? Do such men really exist?? 

8 replies
June 7, 2017


  1. Being unfaithful at times can just be a slip of that moemnt. A one night fling. The thing to watch out for is emtoional connection. Does he have that? Society has taught us to equate love with exclusivity. And physical cheating as the worst measure of it. People hurt each other in a 100 different ways. Enjoy the time with him without the pre occupation with possessing….think! *p*

  2. This is a really narrow point of view which you have towards all men. There are good and faithful men who keep their spouses or partners as first priority. And, they have always been faithful. You've just heard the bad side of it. The relationships which fail gather more attraction and are talked about more than the one in which the man and the woman are faithful and loyal to each other. I think we have to talk about such relationships too and not just about the controversial ones. *p**p*And every individual is different and should be treated and judged differently than the other. *p*

  3. While it is okay to expect one hundred percent loyalty from the spouse, what should be remembered is that it is not the single most important trait of a happy marriage. *p**p* *p**p*Yours is almost a perfect marriage and generally things are fine between you and your husband, but only because of a doubting nature, you are likely to create unhappiness in your married life. *p**p* *p**p*Why do you need to 'hunt' for a perfectly loyal husband, when your own is an ideal one ? The good husbands do exist but if there is a doubt in your mind, then who is creating the problem ?*p**p* *p**p*There cannot be a greater pain than to have a doubting spouse because are bent upon ruining the otherwise perfect marriage. Why don't you think positive and create your marriage more wonderful than just living in an imaginary misery ?*p*

  4. I was about to discuss my thoughts with my husband, but after reading your comment I changed my mind,sometimes we self create problems?, now I would discuss something other than this with my husband that adds some positive value to my relation,Thank you *p*

  5. Don't presume. Anything concerning human actions cannot be determined by facts. Please stop presuming about your husband's disloyalty without proofs. It will ruin the relationship. *p**p*Keep communicating with your husband. Never lose that. Just live in the present and concentrate on the relationship. All the best.*p**p* *p*

  6. You are not the first person to harbour such thoughts. You are following a generalised way of thinking and it is not right since you have no evidence of his promiscuity. Such thoughts can depress you further and make you lose faith in your spouse. You are more likely to suspect everything – smell his clothes, check his wallet and do such proof-hunting exercises on a daily basis in order to prove your fears right and club him in the category of unfaithful men. While it is true that men are generally fond of sex with other partners, and despite discharging his duties in your marital bed, he is possibly discharging in another comfy bed elsewhere, this thought/hidden reality is likely to adversely affect your system. Stop thinking negative and focus on your relationship. Be prepared to face the worst but do not spend time anticipating the worst. *p*

  7. The question of disloyalty arises if someone digresses from a mutually agreed value system and if the degree of freedom exercised by the male is not accorded to the female also. Usually either the spouses follow two different value systems or the male extracts an extra degree of freedom and thus the problem arises. So what is seen as disloyalty is actually a manifestation of incompatibility of values or patriarchal domination. Your spouse will feel guilty only if he professes your value system and is not a male chauvinist.

  8. Although you are using the word loyalty, I presume it's faithfulness you are talking about. We have been conditioned from childhood to what constitutes as loyal or disloyal behaviour. This conditioning is done by parents, realtives, society and popular culture like films, televisions, books, etc. Often, this conditioning acts as a distorting factor, preventing us from seeing the situation the way it actually is.*p**p*First – Loyalty (or disloyalty) is gender natural. A woman is equally prone to being disloyal as is a man.*p**p*Secondly- Concept of loyalty differs from person to person.  A behaviour which may seem disloyal to you may be considered as falling under the ambit of loyal behaviour to another person.*p**p*Thirdly- Loyalty is a concept which has failure built-in into it. Practising loyalty and expecting loyalty, irrespective of the situation and circumstances, is impossible to be maintained.*p**p*Having said that, in answer to your question, it's a myth (again a conditioning of mind over the ages) that only men look for sex outside of marriage. The Wild Oats theory has long been discarded. Any person- a man or woman can stray from marriage and it's perfectly normal to expect such a behaviour. I see the younger generation much more open and accepting to this behaviour. In fact, no one is a Saint! We all toy with the idea of straying at some point of time in our lives.*p**p*So many times, the spouse blames monotony and lack of spark in relationship as the reason for straying. They conveniently forget that it takes two to tango. All we can do is to keep reinventing our equation with our spouse and do our part to  keep monotony away from our relationship….*p*

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