Premarital sex

I was engaged a month ago with a boy of my parent's choosing. We have been talking since and have gotten quite close. My fiance has hinted at premarital sex while we are engaged. He says since we are getting married in six months time, it will not change anything but only get us closer. Am not sure if I want to and how to say no without hurting his feelings

17 replies
June 7, 2017


  1. I would normally tell someone go ahead, take the vehicle for a test ride but in this circumstance I am already looking at insecurity you feel. You do not feel safe with him already, he just looks at the end result – yes you guys are getting married but what about making you the love of his life before you become the doting wife? *p**p*He is going to cheat on you maybe not now, perhaps later. I might be wrong, he might be the perfect man but test him out, make him wait. Can he hold off until you are married? *p**p*You need to sit down with him and figure out why he wants sex now? Yes you are desirable I so sure of that but his wanton need is ridiculous. There's something wrong with this picture. I am betting on the fact he is wanting to get someone out of his head, don't become that person, a piece of meat for a misogynist. Like I said I might be wrong but you need to cover your bases. *p**p*Reject him if there's something still bothering you. *p*

  2. It's good that you consider your partner's feelings; but it is also important that you be happy and comfortable in giving into what someone else wants of you. Your fiance wanting sex is not right or wrong, because this is a very personal choice and every one has the freedom to have their own opinion. However, this isn't a one-way affair. So as much as you want to make your fiance 'happy', don't do it at the cost of your comfort or your instincts. Oftentimes we end up choosing others' happiness over our own. And trust me, that's really not what you will be happy about in the long run.*p**p*So in short, be clear about what YOU want. And then, the rest will follow!*p*

  3. Not sure what the question here is, but this seems like a very common case of moral dilemma. Before anything else, ask yourself what YOU want. The partner's wants can be dealt with later. The choice of both, morality and/or pleasure are for you to make first. And then align them with your fiance's. Nobody should be able to coerce you into anything. You are only obliged to yourself and your well being.*p*

  4. Without wanting to sound prudish, I find the very suggestion that having pre-marital sex will bring people closer a bit appalling. I think it would do you a lot of good if you politiely suggested to him that you are not comfortable in indulging in sex before marriage. If he is a good man he will not bring up the issue till you get married.*p*

  5. It is better if you speak your mind. If you really do not want to then I think he should also understand. So its better if you tell him that at this moment you are really not ready. Even if he is hurt and still loves you and accepts your decision then he is there to stay. Just speak your mind.*p*

  6. yes i think so too. in order to make and preserve the honour and teachings of their society, people have forgotten to let others decide whats wrong and whats not. and even if we are allowed to, all we will think of is what we were taught by our parents, teachers, siblings. we have forgotten how to put our experiences and our knowledge to use.*p*

  7. if you are not convinced by the thought of premarital sex then its nothing to be worried about. you have the right to choose what you want and what not. *p**p*if you dont want to hurt him then just say that he can wait till the time you both are married and if not then tell him about how you fel about this situation. *p*

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