Sandwich called men. We often ignore how men get sandwiched between their mother and wife.

I often get male clients who feel sandwiched between their mother and wife. They tend to feel like a ping pong ball been thrown from one to the other. Each complaining about the other and expecting THE MAN to MAN -UP and take sides. I know we joke about it, but having seen so many men seeking professional help to adjust to the situation and/or cope with anxiety and depression arisisng from it, that I've become more sensitive to the matter. What's your take on it? I teach skills to my clients to cope with it for sure. But would love to know your views.

7 replies
Snigdha Mishra
June 7, 2017

7 Comments

  1. It's all about expectations and managing expectations. Also about prioritizing one person at a particular stage of life. Long term solution is to to ensure good communication between both as half the problems in life get sorted out when people talk to each other. However none of this is a sure shot way of managing conflict – sometimes you have to just grin and put up with it hoping that this too shall pass!*p*

  2. Hi, with my share of experiences with my husband and my mother in law, I to an extent agree with the notion of being sandwiched. Also, with my life mistakes and learnings, I can say that it becomes quite hard to take one's side and to put another on the sideline. What I can say here is, that whenever you face this difficulty take action depending on the priority and the person's objective to handle the situations. At times you need to analyze the current scenario and then act. It is like acting, empathizing and yet keeping both happy. Although it is quite difficult at times, I know. But keep trying. Be patient and do good deeds.  *p**p*Cheers! *p*

  3. Listen both of them but don't act or react on it as most of their talks are about petty domestic issues, which don't require attention, just try to make impression that you have listened and you will address it. Once they will share their grievances with you, they will also feel relieved after complaining, let them.. and instead of being sandwich try to be buffer…*p**p*In relaxed time, one can point out mistakes to wife/mother in a lighter way, it may help them to realise their mistakes..*p*

  4. this situation has probably got worse because of the changes in how kids marry. *p**p*They get married later compared to previous generation. Also earlier marriage was an alliance between families with similar economic and social culture. Now the only thing that matters is that the couple should be in love. *p**p*The result is that different generation don't see the importance of getting along. *p**p*The mother in law has to be the mature one in this situation. She has to understand the guilt and stress her son is going through and step aside from her son's life. *p*

  5. True story. Even I have heard my friends sharing similar stories. Its the matter of possessiveness that governs their mind. The sandwiched man might often feel judged. I think its better for the man to leave the matter to the wife and the mother. I think that is the only way. Meddling in their matters will surely land him into trouble. That is what I advise to my friends who complain.*p*

  6. It is indeed true. Patriarchy is so hard on the average Indian man, who constantly has to adjust between the long-held traditions, virtues of looking after and obeying his parents, and the new age woman, who demands things in a clear way. I have had my fair share of mistakes, where I have either fought with my mom for my wife, and worse, fought with wife for my parents. I would say, fight for neither side, and just lend an ear to them whenever they want to talk about each other (in private of course). Amplify the good you see in either side and tell the other, and hide the accusations and bury them. It is difficult, but there are ways out to tactically deal with mom and wife and be the man always. Never raise your voice, nor utter harsh words. Silence may help. And so will coffee and long drives alone (or with your boys gang). And yes, do not rant to the boys too.. Deal it alone. The interludes are only to prepare yourself for the double onslaught, and not end up consumed in the process. You can have both of them praise you equally. Just hang in there, and maintain that smile. Cheers!*p**p* *p*

  7. Poor men?? I think the best way to deal is with be mean to both the women. Be tight fisted and go out with boys to drink and come home drunk n turn a deaf ear to their complaints. They both will be friends for ever criticising u. Or divide n rule. One day buy mom an expensive gift the next day your wife. Play favourites all the time. They will be on your best behaviour wondering whom u will favour next walk around the house expanding ur chest and keep saying man. They will know u r the man of the house*p*

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