Second marriage

Marrying again after losing your spouse in the 30s , requires different set of skills as opposed to the first marriage. When you marry for the first time, you are in love, you are young and you think its for ever. In your second marriage , you come with a baggage, you are set in your ways, you have your children and add on his too, and you are older and worldy wise. You need to be patient and mature in this marriage for everything to fall in place.i have been remarried for 13 years now, after losing my spouse at the age of 38. Four years later I found my second husband who too had lost his wife at a young age.We faced many challenges, on work front,home front and with our children but have managed to survive all the storms and are now cruising together . Would love to answer any query or doubts anyone has of taking the plunge for the second time.

2 replies
Vaishali Chandorkar-Chitale
June 7, 2017

2 Comments

  1. Hey Vaishali,*p**p*Thanks for sharing your experience and insights. An old friend of mine is set for re-marriage this may/june. She said a beautiful thing, almost what you said, we are now more mature and patient with our decisions.*p**p*Looking forward to read what other members has to say. *p*

  2. Thanks Vaishali, this is an important discussion thread you have begun. I got married for the second time after my divorce and like you mentioned it's never easy but the second time around I think you are wiser and less rigid so you tend to value each other more, so yes I think more people should like you and me give love a second chance!*p*

  3. Lucky are those who find the spouse good enough for them. Second time makes it even tougher because comparison with the first spouse prevails. Whether first or subsequent, one should not rush through marriage.*p*

  4. What is your advice to couples about how to handle children before and after the marriage?*p*

  5. This is a good question, as many second marriages don't work out because of issues about children. We must be ready to accept our spouse's children , be impartial to all the children ,accept  them with their shortcomings and discipline when there is a need. Give your spouse's and your children their space, don't insist on being called mom or dad  by your spouse's children, give them time to accept you and make you a part of their life. Be there for them , solve their problems if they come to you, make it absolutely clear that you have not come in their lives to their take mom's (or dad's ) place as nobody can do that , but as a friend to be there when ever they need you. *p*

  6. Yes, so right Shifa , second time around one is a lot wiser and have learnt that there are shades of grey , it's not only black and white !! Being non judgemental also goes a long way in making second marriages  a success.*p*

  7. Hi Mira,*p**p*Good to hear from you.Yes , second marriage is a complete different ball game , which comes with a different set of challenges and need to be tackled very maturely and very wisely. But , life by then has given you a wider perspective and acceptance.*p**p*Wishing your friend a lovely second innings and the very best in life.*p**p*Vaishali*p*

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