Sex without consent

We know that marital rape is not something illegalised in India. So how do we as a society deal with sex without consent in a marriage? Do we let it happen, after all legally marriage is primarily about the right to have sex? Or do we bring the issue out, which could mean throwing a lot of what goes on in a couple's bedroom out in the open?

29 replies
Anonymous
July 13, 2017

29 comments

Swapnil Narendra July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

We definitely need to raise our voices for this issue. Marital rape is something that needs to be criminalised. But till its not, the least the victim can do is move out. If you are in a marriage where you are getting raped often, there is no point of staying in such a relationship. *p*

Vishal Kashyap July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Do something before its too late.*p**p*I feel a man who forcefully has sex with his wife,is no better than a rapist.Only way is to abandon him.More power to you.Prayers sent.*p*

SAHELI MITRA July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

I did not give a solution but the only solution. Because if fear reigns in a marriage, that marriage is no marriage. Whether it is easy to break or not is a different issue, But if there is no protest then I must say one has to suffer. And because as a society we do not protest, all kinds of evils from dowry to child marriage still reigns. Even marital rape will….*p*

Sabiha Khan July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

That is an extreme solution but I don't think it is that easy to just break up a marriage. Especially over a topic considered taboo. And what happens if it has happened just once but that is enough to instill the fear of not saying No and just going along. It is a very multilayered issue, and I don't think there is one fix for it.*p*

Sabiha Khan July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

The Domestic Violence Act does cover sexual abuse, but marital rape is not a part of our rape laws, as far I know. Do let me know what the lawyer says. Many people consider it too personal and sensitive to be brought out in the open.*p*

Sabiha Khan July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Unfortunately, marriage for some is not about being a partner, supporting, loving and caring, but more  about the license to have sex. So they take it as their right over the other person's right to their body*p*

Sabiha Khan July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

I agree with you. It is a tough topic but needs to be handled.*p*

Tina July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

So true! *p*

SAHELI MITRA July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

If sex without consent happens in a marriage then I must say the marriage itself should not go on as there is something wrong in the marriage. Sex is a very natural instinct and two people of opposite sex living under the same roof for 24 hrs is bound to feel the urge … so as and when they feel they can have it. Now if someone doesnt feel and the partner does and it happens again and again then the solution is simple. One has to leave. Because neither can sex be forced on someone nor can a partner shy away from sex always and deprive the other from his or her basic instincts.*p*

Tina July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

This is barbaric…sex without consent. I was not aware it is not illeaglized in India, in fact just shot the Divorce lawyer on this website this query. But yes, this def needs to be addressed as soon as possible. And what kind f a nation are we if we do not even bring the worng out in the open? *p*

Ayushi July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Sex without consent is wrong. It's unethical and immoral when you're playing with someone' soul. Marriage doesn't give a person a right to exercise their sexual urges on anyone. If they really just want to have pleasure without the consent then there are other mediums too. But trying to force yourself on someone just because she is your wife is not something which correct. And people really bat an eye when it comes to married couple as they mark it as the couple's personal problem and let it be. *p*

Raisha July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

I think it needs to be discussed. Yes, it is a tough topic but we cannot hide it under the carpet just because it makes us uncomfortable. We need stringent laws to ensure people feel safe in what is the most intimate relationship of their lives.*p*

Swapnil Narendra July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Coming from a big family with a few members who were raging alcoholics, I have seen people hurting themselves and others being inebriated. Sometimes it was intentional, while a lot of times I have seen them losing themselves and doing thing they ended up regretting. So, I personally can say that things go out of hands while people get drunk. Besides, its not the alcohol that is to be blamed here. If both of them got so much drunk together at a place where they were alone, I believe they had an intention of sleeping together somewhere in the back of their heads.*p*

Swapnil Narendra July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Its really simple. If she says that only one of them was drunk, then we can debate whether it was consensual or not. BUT if both of them were drunk out of their minds, its supposed to be forgotten as one drunk night.*p**p*Sex is a two ways street, both parties need to consent. So whoever was less drunk, is guilty of not asking for the consent of the other. So if the guy was more drunk than your friend, she is on the trial here. But as she says she doesnt remember and he was pretty drunk too. The best thing would be to either –*p**p*1. Talk to the guy and discuss the events of the night. This will give her more information than she has right now to make the sense of what happened.*p**p*2. Forget about it and move on because two wrongs dont make a right.*p**p* *p**p*But in the case where she believes that the guy did it deliberately and made her drink excess of alcohol, then we are in a zone where the guy's intentions can be questioned. It all depends what your friend remembers and is willing to do.*p*

Ajay July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Of course not. But I also don't think it's as flippant an issue. After all, when do you decide it will actually be a big deal? Better safe than sorry in my opinion*p*

Ajay July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

They are not friends, which is why she is feeling a little iffy about it. Shouldn't consent matter even if some one is high? In fact, we should assume that the consent of a drunk person is not what they may actually say. Hence that consent should not be considered. *p*

Ajay July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

I guess that is the lesson we can all take from this. *p*

Ajay July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Even I thinking them talking and clearing the air would be best. She's just a little nervous about it, which I can understand. *p*

Ajay July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

@anonymous I think that is her point of view as well. She was not at fault for drinking. *p*

Ajay July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

I told her so. But she feels that no man should think he has the right to make a move on a woman not sober enough to make the right decisions. *p*

Ajay July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Perhaps. Though it still remains gray but no point over thinking*p*

Tall Man July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Sab drama hai. Do you murder when you are drunk? Do you hit yourself when you are drunk? *p**p*Better accept the fact that she transgressed and the boy induced her or participated in the act. Big deal move on. Don't blame alcohol for all the evils in this world! :)*p*

Ayushi July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

You really can't blame them if they were that drunk. When you're high, consent doesn't matter. So yeah, consent is totally out of the picture now. And if both them are really close friends then it'll be easier to move on because both of them can help each other. With a stranger, it gets a little difficult as you feel exploited. *p*

confusedanddazed123 July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

 *p**p*Everyone makes mistakes, victim blaming is never a good accusation in my opinion! People usually understand their alcohol tolerances through a process of trial and error. However, i do agree that mistakes such as sexual intercourse without verbal consent which borders on sexual assault is too serious to simply attribute to intoxication. *p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

 *p**p*Tell them both to forget and forgive. Let them behave more responsibily with their drinks, in future. Afterall, the pleasure of sex also lies in moderation and not in getting drunk. *p*

confusedanddazed123 July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Unless both participating members are unable to giv verbal consent it is in sorts a form of sexual assault but in this case its best your friend moves on by either trying to put the episode behind her or conversing with the guy as given the circumstance he is not to blame either!*p*

RamendraKumar July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

  Does it really matter now?  She should just forget  the 'episode'  and move on. And yes, if she can't hold her drink she shouldn't hit the bottle. *p*

SaumyaTewari July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

Its better to forget and move ahead. Its not really sex without consent, it just what they call a "drunken mistake" in movies! *p**p*She should keep in mind not to get that drunk in the future around people she does not want to be involved with, that's all..*p*

Shipra July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

I think she should go with the flow of life. She now can't undo that thing so better would be just forget what happened and move on. It's 2017 not 1950. And she should make sure next time this doesn't happen. *p*

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am

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