Wanting kids when spouse does not

Having children is one of the most important decisions in a couple's lives. But what happens if one wants children while the other does not? Who should compromise, when both may be coming from a place that seems right to them? 

8 replies
Ankit Chaturvedi
June 7, 2017

8 Comments

  1. Very true. A child is a huge responsibility and should not be a hasty decision. Perhaps the way forward for any couple stuck in such a situation is to keep an open mind and decide what's best for the family in the long term, as you and your wife did.*p*

  2. Communication is key, definitely. Especially to understand where the other person is coming from and work on it accordingly.*p*

  3. That's one way of looking at it. But it puts men at a great disadvantage as a single man cannot legally adopt or opt for surrogacy etc. And in no way should a woman be forced to have a child if she is not ready. Difficult to make this a my way or the highway sort of situation.*p*

  4. I think no individual should compromise… on what they truely want. Lets not be selfish here. If i do not want something, why keep the other from realising his/her destiny, thats not right at all. *p**p*If the other doesnt want, he/she has to come out in the open and blurt it out, rather than keep it in wraps and emotionally torture the partner who has dreams and has longings.. *p**p*I am totally against any sort of compromise in a relationship, cant live all bottled up Forever.  If i were the person who wants children badly, i would have done what i need to do, with or witout the spouse. There are ways today, science has advanced. *p*

  5. Agreed. But how long do you think one must wait. If its already been a decade, dont you think, the one who doesnt want it as much is just being plain selfish. Moreover, what if the other doesnt ever speak about it at all.. *p*

  6. I will give our example. After a couple of years of our first child, my wife wanted a second and i didnt. Both of us gave our reasons. I was clear that one, i wasnt sure i could afford a second child, and two, that I was not emotionally up to it, to have a second child. Wife wanted a second child, as she felt that it would make our family complete. Given the nuclear family set up, we decided not to have another child, which today when we look back, both of us feel that it was a right decision.*p**p*Having a child today is not just an emotional decision, but also a financial and a practical decision. Also, its good to have a clarity on the fact that bringing up the child is no more a woman's domain. Keeping all factors in mind, any one has to compromise. Whoever that be.*p*

  7. Always plan a child when both of you are ready. I think the partner who wants the child should wait for the other partner (who does not) to come to a conclusion. The communication is important. The partner wanting a child should know why the other partner is against the idea and take actions accordingly.*p*

  8. But…in a marriage or any other relationship compromise is a given right? The boundaries may change…*p*

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