We couldn’t even remain friends…

Have you been in a situation where you fell for your best friend, who broke your heart, and started dating someone else? And you were left so dejected that you could not go back to being friends with them? Reasons…?

14 replies
Upasana Arora
June 7, 2017

14 comments

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
SaumyaTewari June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Yes, but I just wrote poems about it instead of feeling dejected ;)*p**p*https://www.bonobology.com/blogs/811-saumyatewari/130-sorry-i-choose-you-*p*

Hridaan June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

It can happen yes. That is why I think if you feel for your best friend you should better accept and tell him/her about it. The main reason behind the breakaway is that you feel threatened that you may lose your place in his/her life. That insecurity is the reason you stop talking to your best friend after he/she gets committed to somebody else. *p*

I am Krishna June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Hey! this is very common! It'e like once the pandora box is open you can't shut it back again. About your friend dating someone else…how log has it been? *p*

Abhishek Chaturvedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I can understand; it hurts like a doble edged sword;*p*the reason: one has lost love and lost a bestie.*p*One has lost connection with a person who understood you so well, he/she was your shadow. This is painful and cannot be dealt with easily. *p*There is no formula of coping up with this; however i have seen people following two approaches to tackle this:*p*1) Ignore the world, feel misrable (for a week or two) – get out from the Watsapp group and start another group (minus the friend who ditched you), not turning up for parties, movie with friends etc; when you know the 'friend' in question is gonna be there.This breaks friendships and also affects the larger friend circle. I wont not do this.*p**p*2) Spiritual uplift/Visit the shrink – this is a tremendous opportunity to turn inwards. Folks go for a 'vipashna'/mediation programmes or some choose a good counsular; more often than not it works like magic. I can swear by it 🙂 *p**p*With the second option – most poepl come out embracing reality, go back to the friend who ditched, albeit the change in relationship; life usually moves on and one gets a great lesson in growing up 🙂 *p*

Rupali Tiwari June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

yes, i have. a very same situation occurred in front of me in my final year of college. I fell for my best friend who rejected me because I wasn't pretty enough and he started dating someone else but we remained friends. luckily for me, I met a friend (my current husband)  and fell in love once again (after a long persuasion). I broke all ties with my best friend because he started getting jealous of all the attention I got from my then boyfriend. and we haven't been friends since then.*p**p*the thing is sometimes we feel that being rejected is the worst that can happen to us that too by our best friends. we get scared of losing them. or making our friendship awkward. what we forget is that it's ok to be rejected. it's fine. life doesn't end there. that we were fine before being friends and we will be fine even after. it's just a matter of time.*p*

UpasanaArora June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Hey thanks a bunch for your kind words. I do keep telling myself that too. *p**p*And I definitely agree when you say that the takeaways from any experience are entirely upto us.*p**p*Your past, in my opinion should not make you bitter. It should only help you understand and learn to love yourself more. The biggest learning should also be that we must never do another person what some one else did to us. That's how compassion grows and your heart opens up.*p**p*Love, with all its pain and hurt can be very nurturing and beautiful, if we wish to see it that way!*p**p*Thank you for sharing your opinion! :-)*p**p* *p*

UpasanaArora June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

True that!*p**p*Everything suggested helps. And to grow spiritually is life changing. It helps you understand why it didn't work out, and moreover makes you understand youself better. We need to eveolve with time, and any modality that you can connect to will help you achieve that.*p**p*Thanks for an insightful input, Abhishek! *p*

UpasanaArora June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Love the positiviy!*p**p*Thank you, Rupali! :)*p*

UpasanaArora June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

It is important to tell your friend, yes!  *p**p*About the insecurity, it is quite natural, isn't it? I guess it just takes time to deal with the fact that the person you cannot do without, will not make you the most important person in his/her life. *p*

UpasanaArora June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

That's awesome! :)*p*

UpasanaArora June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

That according to me is a very sensible approach! *p**p*Thanks :)*p*

UpasanaArora June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Hi! This isn't my story per se, I thought of discussing this because I know a few friends who have been in this situation.*p**p*Very few severed ties, most of them still remained very good friends!*p**p*However, I feel at times the pain of rejection is a lot more than the friendship.*p**p*So it depends on individual to individual. *p**p*Thanks for your response!*p*

peculiarblend June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Not really but if that's something which has happened to you; my sympathies with you, man. But these phases make us better and I am not going to talk about "this makes us bitter, too" because in every situation, what take aways we wish to take along is always a choice. *p**p*I wish you well Upasana, you are a beautiful person. Always say this to yourself. Especially, when shit gets real. :-)*p*

K June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Hey! Yes things happen and the its hard to be friends again. It is a natural or a humane response to hurt. Reasons may be the pain of rejection  is so much  stronger in those moments than friendship . Its a good idea to take some time off  and then reassses the relation after few months or whenever you feel ready.*p*

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