What does a marriage need?

I have been married for 21 years and as I get older, I find this great need to “find myself”. I need more space and value my husband’s friendship more than romance. I find that I no longer need the traditional trappings of a romantic relationship like gifts or dinners or ‘I love yous’. I much rather watch TV with my husband than go out! Sometimes I wonder if this happens to everyone.

3 replies
Ashwina Garg
August 14, 2017


  1. I am so happy to read this question. Its kind of sweet, that someone was so lost and happy for 21 years. Great that you want to find yourself. Believe me, i wanted to find myself, just in about 15 days of getting married. lol. But having said that, on a serioius note, yes companionship is important and is almost everything to most of us. But i also would like to add here, that this, not needing romance and candle lights is not us speaking, its our conditioning, we all crave romance, we crave to be seen, but somehow our Indian men are so good at friendzoning that they even make friends out of lovers, which is not a bad thing, but in western culture the woman is always a desirable thing, atleast thats what i have seen, they beleive in flowers and mush and the stuff which keeps them alive.
    I say, if i have to live with a freind, i rather go and live with a real friend, i refuse to settle for friendship “only” in a marriage, yes comfort is great, sitting at home, rather than getting pushed around is a mall is so much better, but i still want the roses and the occasional candlelights, but not to worry, we Indians are experts in compromise, we cook up theories to justify our lack of warmth in ourselves.. sorry but this is what i think.
    But please go ahead, never stop finding yourself, you owe that to ‘you’…

  2. I haven’t reached that stage, butt I’d say that’s what companionship is. At least I have seen it with my parents. Over time in marriage I’d also look at just spending quiet time with my wife, not necessarily romantic in the filmi sense; rather in the sense of true love and comfort of something you have spent decades with.

  3. Hi. I am sure it does. Early courtship days certainly give way to a more matured relationship. May be the trust and love becomes so deep and settled that you no longer need the youthful proclamations of love and fancy gifts. You are that content and happy with each other.

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