When we were first married, my mother shared the best piece of advice her father had ever given her regarding her marriage. “However much you fight, don’t ever go to sleep at night without sorting out the problem!” She passed it on to me, and I also feel it is the best piece of advice ever!
21 comments
"Never lie to your spouse. It's one lie which will overshadow all the truths."*p**p* *p**p* *p*
Archana, that is a wonderful solution that they worked out! After all, no one can clap with one hand! :)*p*
Hi Nicole, I tend to agree with you! Problems are best solved in-house, until and unless the problem gets totally out of hand.
Dr. Sanjeev Trivedi, after three decades of being happily married, you are very well qualified to give others good advice! ?? So looking forward to some nuggets of wisdom from you!
Dr. Puneet, communication skills are vital in any marriage, and often, couples live and learn the ropes of perfect communication. It is practical learning that comes into play, I guess!
Deepshikha, this advice is freely given and rather often! 🙂 However, it should be taken by both partners!
Debleena, isn’t that just like a grandmother? What a sweet piece of advice! And yes, metabolism is the true culprit, I agree!
Tuli, that is a good approach, but I really wonder if many of us will be able to forgive the bigger transgressions, if and when, they happen. Marriage is a give and take affair, and both partners must realize that they have a commitment to it.
I agree, Vishal. That is why marriage is a partnership of give and take. You give some, you lose some. But it is all worth it for the sake of harmony and love.
One of my long time best friends had shared her belief that we must always accept that our partner be can fallible. We must never expect our spouse to be everything that we need. Every human being tends to make mistakes, especially in one’s love-lives, as relationships can never be easy. Hence it is important that we can exercise forgiveness in small ways right from the beginning of a relationship. Only then can we be more likely to look for ways to forgive our spouse if and when the bigger hurts and transgressions happen.*p**p*
As long as I can remember I had seen my Maternal uncle and aunt into deep arguments always. Both had fiery temperament but when one shouted other chose to remain silent. It somehow worked and they were inseparable. Nobody advised me however I stick to this piece of self advice till date. It works wonderfully.*p*
Have managed more than three decades of marriage, waiting for an advice. 😀
I married reasonably young and did not know my husband very well. My mom in law told me something that has helped me a lot. Whatever you are fighting over, think whether ten years later, you would consider it worth your time. Or would you rather have spent that time being nice to each other. Cuts a lot of unnecessary quibbles. *p*
Yes Deepti, unless counselling or some such help is required…
Yes Ma’am, I agree with you. But as a human its not our nature to sacrifice or ego, anger, frustration and irritation that easily. 10% of fights are due to the actual problem, rest 90 % are due to the tone used in the discussion. So its better to be calm and make each other understand what the actual issue is and how it can be resolved without bringing egos.
Compatibility is not a one way road where one will be penalize every time coming from a wrong direction . Its like a road in mountains, when two vehicles are coming from opposite direction in mountains and the road is so narrow that only one of it can pass at a time, then one has to hold back to let the other driver pass, but that doesn’t mean that every time the same driver has to let the other driver pass. Both has to judge their positions and see for which driver it is sensible to hold or move back and let the other one pass, else there will be clash or penalty like in one way service lane.
Never involve a third person in your marital problems/ arguments…
“Communication”. but no one taught me the communication.
A funny piece of advice. My husbands’ grandmother thought he wasn’t eating enough before marriage. So the only advice she gave me was “Feed him well.” Well, as I happily piled on my post-marriage and child calories, I realized, years later, that she had given him the same advice:) And I was the one who gained the weight. Blame metabolism not grandmothers’ advice.
Be ready to adjust and compromise
Your mother is absolutely spot on with her advice. I remember one of my very close friend advicing me to keep on communicating with my partner about anything and everything. He said the moment we fail to communicate with each other is the moment our relationship fails. So I think it was a very important advice for me and a helpul one too.*p**p* *p*