What should be done when he neither accepts her, nor is prepared for a divorce ?

What are the options for a girl who does not want to surrender and succumb to the irrational demands of the husband and in-laws ? The active support from the parents, with whom she is staying, is also missing. The husband neither takes a corrective action nor makes any move from his side, since last many months.

14 replies
Dr. Sanjeev Trivedi
June 7, 2017


Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
modernromeo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

This is a plight of so many women. Is she independent? Also emotionally can she handle being away from him? that is the most important question. Isn't it? *p*

Mira June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

As I read this, I was doing a mental count on how many women I know whose life's reality is just this. They are many. *p**p*A friend going thru same situation had asked me same question last week. She was of course frustrated and more into "Why is he doing this?"*p**p* Neither of us had an answer to why men do it? But many (if not most) do the same. Even though both the partners have accepted the fact they dont have a future together, they dont accept the mature decision to legally part ways to 'Live and let live'. May be it satisfies husband's ego by not making things easy for wife by 'letting her go' or they take it as accepting the defeat. Or it just gives them a false assumption to still have power over the other.*p**p*I would say what to do with her life personally is more easier than the process of getting divorced.*p**p*For a while, the girl should take her mind off from relationship and move towards work and activities that add to her personal and professional growth. It would satisfy her personally, she will feel more confident and help her self esteem. These things would help her greatly in things she is facing and yet to face.*p**p*Marriage, especially when it gets sour affects one tremendously. It won't be easy not to think about it. One cant get away with the feeling of being stuck. This is exactly what she needs to overcome.  *p**p* *p**p* *p*

Gaurangi Patel June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Firstly, she should seek advise of a good lawyer as well as start seeking job, if not earning so far.*p**p*She can gather support from friends who could understand her plight.*p**p*Can she approach a mediatory who is neutral and talk to both parties? To find a way out for both?*p**p*Ask common friends to make him understand the situation with a practical angle and thereafter, both can move on separately.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I agree that many women are stuck in marriages with wrong guys. She is staying with parents and does not want to go back to him but the processes of getting into the process of divorce is the handicap. If he would have been also willing to let her go, things could have been easier.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

You are right Vaishali, in saying that he is being selfish and to a great extent rigid. When the spouse neither wants to let you go nor welcomes you as the other person is, is suggestive of acceptance after 'change'. Since the expected change amounts to succumbing to the wrong demands, it becomes unacceptable and therefore the deadlock.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Your views and suggestions are valuable, Madhuri. And thanks for mentioning the book you wrote. This may be of great help to people who are feeling troubled, in similar situations.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Can't agree more. Thank you Gaurangi for your contribution.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I agree with what you say, Arti. Thanks for participating.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Thank you Mira, for contributing and the suggested solutions.*p*

Arti Ohri June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes,the processes of divorce are overwheming , there's a fear attached to it too..the first step is always difficult when entering into an unknown field she should be guided by someone from the proffession..FREEDOM from the clutches is the only answer to a better life ahead! She needs to be strong and face it..Moving out from her parents home and living independently, being financially self sufficient shall give her the strength to face all odds.(if this can be considered then its a good option)*p*

Madhuri. Y June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I've come across this a a little too often. The result is, one spouse does not want to move on, the other cannot move on. I am not a lawyer, but I had cause to go in detail into the legal information when I wrote Untying the fine knots: How to deal with Divorce.*p**p*In India, we cannot seek a divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences. When both are unable to agree to a divorce by mutual consent, the lady can file for a contested divorce. But then, there are grounds for contested divorce, like adultery, cruelty, desertion, and a few other specified reasons. If cruelty is involved in this case, a lawyer can guide the lady regarding how to file for a contested divorce. Cruelty is not just physical or verbal abuse, courts have considered unreasonable demands too as valid grounds for divorce. *p**p*The lawyer can also guide her regarding filing for interim maintenance – which is maintenance paid while the case is ongoing. Considering that she does not have active support from her parents, it is particularly necessary for her to be financially independent, since a contested divorce can take 2-3 years before the court order is given.*p*

Rishav Ray June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I think, in a situation like this the girl should take a stand because she is an individual and has the right to choose for herself. If the girl thinks that she cannot continue then should speak up and be vocal about the problems. If the husband is also not supportive about it then there is no more hope left. I think she should go forward and make a legal complaint of the pressures being applied on her by both the parties.*p*

Vaishali Chandorkar Chitale June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I guess you are right , Dr Trivedi. I think such persons are absolutely insecure in their persona and that's why the resistance to change or accept the person in his/her own right .*p*

Vaishali Chandorkar Chitale June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I think he is being selfish , he needs to let go and let her move on in life . What is the point of being together if neither is happy? If he doesn't want to let her go , then he should atleast make an attempt to understand her viewpoint .*p*

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