Which one is worse, a loose hand of an otherwise quiet spouse or the verbal onslaught demeaning every living hour of your existence?

In several couples, verbal duel is common. It is expected, routine. When the civility of it all relegates to insults, deliberate assaults, the victim seethes. Mostly, the victim has either an economic or an emotional dependency on the assaulter. Mostly, it's a He on the receiving end.Then there are some where hands are let loose, and the other organs of torture. Blue marks are hidden under the odhni at work. When these marks get visible, a fall is usually the excuse. Mostly, the recipients of such abuse is a She.Both are unwarranted, deplorable. The argument, useless one at that, often is: Which one is worse? Which one may be excused? What do you think?

13 replies
June 7, 2017


  1. Abuse is abuse, weather it is physical, verbal or mental. None must be tolerated, but having said that, more than enough couples tolerate each others idiosyncracies as normal and go about life. *p**p*But yes abuse of any kind needs attention and must be addressed, When its still in the verbal stage, getting help in form of therapy could help. If it comes to physical, give the assaulter a few karate kicks the very first time and just walk out. Not one day with a hitter. Golden rule. *p*

  2. The kind of subtle distinction between shades of violence you are trying to initiate here and make a gender-based justification deserves stronger condemnation.*p*

  3. Come on, why are you looking for a lesser evil here? Condemn both kinds of behaviour. Fail to understand the reason to excuse/overlook one or make a comparative analysis. When you realise both are deplorable (I think it is a fake realisation), why do you expect others to see anything beyond condemnation? Grow up, man. Stop poking others for a preference to align it with your own choice in this regard.

  4. Both…where is the need for a duel – verbal or physical….unnecessary elements in any relationship…*p*

  5. Neither of them should be excused. I feel mental torture is as detrimental in a relationship as physical assault. Although assault at the physical level should often be penalized if reported. But there is no doubt that both of them are equally harmful. I see in the comments that you want to emphasize on a situation where there is no option. I think, as human beings, we tend to distance ourselves mentally from the person who hurt us repeatedly and with repeated insults and physical harm the victim often compromises. Although I feel it is better to part ways rather than compromise in a relationship, I have seen many couples compromising with little or no love left for the other. One of my female friend confessed to me that she suffered from repeated physical assaults from her husband to which I promptly asked her to take legal actions. What she said to me in return was very surprising. She said "It is Okay. I have no hope left. At least he is good to me at time". So this is the hopelessness that often forces them to carry on.*p*

  6. In that case, seek help of good psychiatrist for the abusive spoke. *p**p*Police can be called too.Have elderly family members involed. Seek support of close friends too.*p*

  7. Why should either of the behaviour be excused!? None is tolerable.If something has to be chosen, it must be walking out.*p*

  8. Any form of behavior which is demeaning or suppressing your partner is uncalled for and totally unacceptable. But somehow this is a sad reality where one of the spouses takes an upper hand and end up making the person on receiving end feeling vulnerable.*p*

  9. Both are equally horrible. Both sear ur total being and both cannot and should not be forgiven. One kills the soul and one the body killing self respect and the soul. These are demons in the garb of human beings and shunned in society. *p*