Why are partners shy of speaking about the sexual abuse?

Sex is an important aspect but when it comes to sexual abuse, the victim partner prefers to conceal about the fact.This is seen in most cases until & unless the situation become unbearable. Is it because they are shy of speaking about their partners aggressive character or because they think talking about their partners abusiveness brings in light their sexual life in-front of society?

7 replies
Joyeeta Talukdar
June 7, 2017


Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
modernromeo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I think we Indians really want to project the perfect image. And many think that it is their husband’s right to demand sex. No sex education in our curriculum. Isn’t it obvious we are where we are?

Saheli Mitra June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Its because of the same logic that doesn’t allow Indian couples to speak even about the excitement of their sex life, let alone abuse. For us sex is a taboo. Thats how we are timed and taught. Abuse is also an aspect where many women are frightened. They do not have a place to go to. Not financially independent. So many stay back and may be many women are even taught that sexual abuse by a husband is a common and accepted affair. How many of us even talk on marital rape! We don’t

JoyeetaTalukdar June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Hi Saheli thanks for the comment. Yes, sex is thought to be a taboo. Aspect of abuse is same for both genders because both are afraid to speak about the harassment done on them by their abusive partners during sex. Marital rape is a mirror of this sexual abuse but then this can be dominated if the victim comes out to talk to proper people and gets properly counseled or treatment.

JoyeetaTalukdar June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Thanks Nayantara for the reply. Yes, that’s the reason why sex education is important. Until & unless the victim talks the society isn’t going to help. Even there are counseling which might help both the partners to get through their situation which they think to be a taboo. Talk and explain about the situation faced to reliable sources then only shall there be a solution to it. Simply hiding it doesn’t lessen the wounds instead it deepens the scars.

JoyeetaTalukdar June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Nice name modernromeo. Thanks for the reply. Yes, true to some extent that we try to portray the image of perfectness every-time & conceal the worst. But I disagree to the husband thing because in many cases it’s the feminine which proves to be sexually aggressive and demanding. Sex education is important but more important is to get treatment or counseled if you feel that there is some abusiveness in your spouse or your character. As said ” a stitch in time saves nine” so too a proper treatment of this can heal the relationship scars.

Nayantara June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Very true. We need more trained professionals on the issue and long drawn counselling for all those involved.

Nayantara June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It’s a bit of both. Talking about sex is way too taboo and the worst of laundry washing in public. It is also so personal that unless the abuse becomes extreme, it is difficult to draw the line. Sometimes a person may be inspired by porn etc and not even realise that what they are doing is abusive. Holistic Sex education is paramount.

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