Why is drinking an issue with wives whereas the same alcohol brings, popularity, attention and solace to the husband while in company of other people ?

Wives claim to be suffering in a big way as a result of alcohol consumption by husband. The husband is termed insensitive or even abusive, by the wife. But the same man could be extremely successful in the outside world. He may be enviably popular with other ladies and gentlemen. He takes care of the family in all other ways. What could be going wrong and why ?

22 replies
Dr. Sanjeev Trivedi
June 7, 2017


Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks Debashish for participating in the discussion. Your suggestions are absolutely in place.*p*

LZhivago07 June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

The ability to handle alcohol varies from person to person. It makes some people lose their inhibitions and behave more pleasantly in company and at home. Others become abusive and violent and inevitably the most convenient target for their ire is their family members, who are more likely to condone their aggressive behaviour.*p**p*It is in the latter case that drinking becomes a domestic issue.*p*

Debashish Majumdar June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

The wife should be sporting enough to allow her husband to drink and the man should drink in moderate quantities. Men feel macho when they drink. Women should appreciate their men drinking in friends circles as long as he remains a gentleman. There is also nothing wrong with women giving company to men with a drink in hand. However, drinking should not become a habit for a couple. *p*

Rishav Ray June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

The husband may not be termed insensitive and abusive but could be defined as insensitive and abusive. He may be popular with other ladies and gentlemen because they are a temporary part of his life. The wife, on the other hand, may have to face the wrath of his alcohol abuse. It is okay if you drink till the limit. But soon as he crosses the line the wife is often at the receiving end. Therein lies the problem. You take of your faimily and drink responsibly. If you do that I do not think any wife in this whole world will have any problem*p*

SAHELI MITRA June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

There is a fine line between addiction and what we call boozing for fun. I am sure with men who have regular drinks but do not go beyond the limit where he is out of his senses, issues are never raised by their wives. But I do have a few friends whose husbands are alcoholic and I know how difficult it is to live with an alcoholic. Its an absolute curse for the family who has to live with such an alcoholic. And a alcoholic never takes care of the family as mentioned in the discussion. Infact he cannot. But boozing within limits can have little impact on a relationship*p*

Barnali Roy June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

The key word here is moderation. As long as a person can hold a drink and behave normally I don't think it is an issue with the spouse or family members. But when men, and these days women too, tend to get carried away and consume more alcohol than they can handle, then disruptive and senseless behaviour starts and it becomes a torture for the family. Drunken behaviour caused a great deal of embarrassment and misery, so even a semblance of that becomes a warning sign for worry and anxiety. Also if the spouse is a teetotaler then it is a whole new unpleasant experience for her, and she fails to see the purpose of having a drink.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I agree with you, Amreeta. Thanks for participation.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

You are right Saheli. It is a curse to be living with a person addicted to alcohol, more so that he becomes harsh and aggressive. Even the ones who do not interfere with family members but have a non caring attitude are also difficult to live with.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Simple yet soul searching questions raised by you can really help bringing clarity. Thanks for contributing.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks Anmol for your analysis despite being a teetotaller. Your views are very balanced.*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks Rishav, for the participation and in turn direct suggestion to husbands or maybe even boy friends who over indulge and cross limits, which they do not when drinking socially. Your contribution to the discussion is meaningful. *p**p* *p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks for a balanced analysis, Barnali.*p**p*You very rightly mention that the spouse who does not drink is unable to see the purpose of drinking.*p**p*Many women have confided in me the difficulty of carrying on with a husband who thinks of drinking as evil.*p**p*You are also right in pointing out the difference between 'drinking happily' and getting drunk.*p**p*The cheap popular joke among men is that a drunk male friend is a liability while a drunk female is an asset.*p**p*So rightly you say that drunken behaviour can be to the brink of being dangerous.*p**p* *p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks for your contribution LZhivago. Yes the alcohol is a CNS (Central Nervous System) depressant and suppresses many centres in brain including the inhibitory centre leaving the person devoid of inhibitions. And therefore what is lying 'below the surface' comes out.*p**p*While establishing business ties the people from far east rely more on people who talk the same when drunk. *p**p*There are ways to camoflage your behaviour for such business meetings. One can have too many drinks, look absolute drunk yet 'think right'. These aids are available in the form of chocolates too. Otherwise the traditional method was to consume lot of cheese to avoid getting drunk. *p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Thanks Christina.*p**p*Your description of a drunk man is hilarious, apt and amusing. Yes there are many men (or rather most men) drinking in parties like fish and they fit the bill as described. There need not be a discussion for such pigs.*p**p*The discussion is about a suave, successful, controlled in his two scotch drinks, even at home. Since the wife is paranoid he does retort back, which he would have, even after tea or coffee. Why do you think the wife's reaction becomes more vehement only because he has consumed a sin called alcohol ?*p**p*According to some she may be right to draw lines, like non-veg, alcohol is also banned because it is her home too. But is it okay ?*p*

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Yes. Improper work-life or social-personal balance could be the cause of the dual behaviour. Though the case mentions the husband takes care of the family in all other ways. *p**p*Could the cause lie in 'drinking perception' in the mind of the wife ? Maybe father or someone she has known earlier who was miserable and she fears the husband to be turning out to be similar in future ?*p*

Amreeta Sen June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Things could be going wrong if he is an excessive drinker. One or two drinks harm no one. But if the husband makes a habit of drinking more and more …  family life is disrupted and then there is a problem!*p*

Anmol Ratan Sachdeva June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Social drinking in India has caught up as a culture in the modern times. What was seen as a bad habit earlier has grown up to be a style statement among the rich and affluent. In many cases, a non-drinker is often looked down by fellow colleagues, friends, and even family members. I believe drinking socially is a personal choice and one can indulge in the same if it is the demand of the situation. *p**p*Coming to the specific case being talked about, it has been often seen that drinking turns as a nuisance in case there is no self-control and a person is involved in casual drinking and not being able to control his/her senses. Moreover, I believe it is not the alcohol that is to be blamed but the presence of grudges and disagreements in a relationship. If a marriage is cordial and a couple is understanding from the core, no wife will have to suffer and blame alcohol in return as she will understand the situation under which her partner consumed alcohol. *p**p*Alcohol is not to be blamed. The reason of suffering lies deeper in the relationship itself. When couples stop communicating when they are in their senses, voices are sure to get raised under the influence of alcohol. *p**p*PS: I am a teetotaller *p*

christina June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Dear socially popular husband ,so sad that a wife does not appreciate a drunkem husband collapsing on the bed snoring belching suffering from acidity. wives are horrible.They have heard your  drunk interesting stories at parties again and again where you are the knight for a damsel in distress or have conquered the corporate ladder or stood your ground to some random politicians and they are bored.Would you like to be a wall flower at a party while your wife in a figure showing chiffon saree pleasently tipsy holds court and starts speaking of her conquests and comes home thrwos her high heels collapses on bed laughs and says what a lovely pary five people asked for my phone number and immediately retches and then snores contendly.*p*

I am Krishna June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Hahahahahahahahahaha! *p*

I am Krishna June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Interesting point! Somethings to think about- *p**p*Is he disrespectful to his wife in any way when he is enjoying alocohol? *p**p*Is he paying too much attention to any other woman?*p**p*Also the wife should ask hereself-*p**p*Is it bothering her that her hubs is happy and she is not the source of it?*p**p*Is it bothering her that he having fun and she isnt?  *p*

I am Krishna June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

Interesting. Yes, someone could be very different in 2 different setting! *p*

TiaBasu June 8, 2017 - 8:56 am

I doubt it's the mere act of drinking that makes it an issue. It's the aftermath that a partner perhaps fears. Domestic abuse and violence very often stem from drunkenness, as do other, less violent, but embarrassing situations.*p**p*We constantly hear such stories and somewhere, also, wives are often conditioned to think they need to bring their husbands 'line mein.' *p**p*Also, being popular with others and successful in the outside world, doesn't necessarily mean someone is great at his/her personal life. You could be a perfectly decent person to the outside world, and still be an abusive partner.*p*

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