Why is it difficult to find a partner for an independent Indian lady above 35?

Why does it feel impossible to find a sensible groom for an educated girl once she is above 35? Introductions via online marriage portals never seem to go to the next step other than the basic hello – are the men really not interested or do they get scared listening to an opinionated voice! Does it all have to be about cooking and traditional homely girl?

21 replies
Seeker
June 7, 2017

21 comments

Anonymous July 13, 2017 - 10:22 am
Kabir Singh Bhandari June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Well, because with each year post 30, your ‘value’ in the marriage market goes down.

SaumyaTewari June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Yes, you answered the question in the very last question yourself! Indians don’t look for marriages, they live for weddings. They don’t want good relationships, they want the “married” tag. And when it comes to women, they are only looked at as “presentable brides”, not partners! And, I agree, we need to grow up from the times of our grandmothers, when they were “married off” as children- when they had not matured and the personality development was a part of the married life for them. But it cannot be the same now- it takes the same number of years for men and women to study and establish themselves in careers. But “bridal” standards for women don’t seem to change.

Ayushi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

True that. It'll be a little tough to find men after a woman has turned 35. Men tend to seek for a woman who's a little younger than them. That's probably because they want someone whom they can dominate both age wise and experience wise. After 35, a woman is independent to opinionate her own views and principles and most of the men don't find it desirable. *p**p*I'll suggest you to hang in there and stop browsing through the matrimonial sites. You would definitely find your soulmate when you stop looking for him through a virtual portal and hope for him to find you instead. :D*p*

Saheli Mitra June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Oh yes.. I have experienced this first hand with my first cousin. She is a lawyer and didnt get time to marry pursuing her profession. But now she and her parents also want her to settle. She has registered on many marriage portals and many men have called up but not a single proposal clicked. And many have even said she being successful, financially independent and the only child of her parents have failed the usual test of being a good option for an Indian wife!!!

Raul Sodat Najwa June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I don’t understand what is the problem marrying women in age of 30s or 40s *p**p**p*As a guy would prefer someone elder to me as the understanding would be impeccable

SampurnaMajumder June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

heh! Thats how Indian mentality works…. men do not find women above 30 attractive …. really dont know what to say….*p*

Ranjana Kamo June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It is difficult but I have seen many of my friends get married in their late thirties too.

ArchanaSharma June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

As a society we have graduated from child to adult marriage, the idea of maturity in marriage is yet to take off. It’s a common problem plaguing every independent, liberal, educated female that she doesn’t get a suitable partner as most boys don’t find these girls fit in their conventional framework. This largely has to do with the patriarchal society structure which fosters such notions.

DrSanjeevTrivedi June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

At that age the man has learnt to live independently. He does not want to sacrifice the peace in exchange of some fringe benefits, which are available otherwise, without marrying.

Jaikala June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I don’t think that its about cooking and traditional homely girl anymore. Men are confused these days. They want a girl who understands them ,is beside them and when they want to detach does not even mind that. As girls enter in thirties, they turn more stable in their thinking and what they want where in with men it does not happen. They want to be in matrimony but still enjoy the bachelor’s privileges and see girls in late thirties as a threat. Also, since there are so many dating apps available these days, the matrimonial sites generally are turning redundant.

arushichaudhary June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I believe finding a partner after 35 is a tad challenging given the Indian societal make-up, irrespective of gender. To begin with, there aren’t very many eligible singles out there and the bar of one’s expectations may be set unrealistically high, and being independent and single at 35 also means being a lot more set in one’s ways. Yes, women have it harder than men, and that can be attributed to all the prejudices attached to how a ‘good’ Indian girl is supposed to be.

Shahnaaz Khan June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It’s mostly a patriarchal mindset. A woman is too old for marriage once she crosses 30, sometimes even 25. And of course for those that see women only as child bearing objects, she doesn’t have a very long time to do that too. We can sugarcoat it as we want, but that’s how entrenched patriarchy is. A single man over 35 will not have as much problem finding a woman, who most likely will be much younger.

UpasanaArora June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

There are more than many reasons why Indian girls above a certain find it difficult to find a partner. Men might feel, that if the woman hasn’t been married all these years, then there must be something wrong. So clouded by judgement, they move away after an initial encounter. *p*Some perhaps feel that women at that age are too independent, and will find it difficult to adjust into a new family set up. Or may be some men cannot handle women who hold strong views and are ready to challenege them. They find it intimidating.*p*The concept of marriage in India is age-biased. And that is in my opionion one of the biggest challenges for a single woman of that age to find a partner.*p*

Madhuri. Y June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

It’s a matter of how large the size of the pie is. Since we have a high unbroken marriage rate at least today, the number of available men would be small – that would be true for women too of course. To find someone who is like-minded among that small set…. that’s a tall order.

Bineesh Balakrishnan June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I think that our society has kinda set a default upper limit for being single, to be around 35. So if a girl is 35 & single, she is unlikely to get good proposals from well to do families, atleast as far as arranged marriage is concerned. The dating scene, I think is a little better for single women, even if they are above the ‘default limit’… So try to hook up with some sensible open minded guy…

AshwinaGarg June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I suppose people assume that a woman over 35 would be set in her ways amd would also not adjust to her new family. Indians get married early in life so there are less options as well.

Lekha Menon June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

I think it’s essentially got to do with us – women. I am above 35 and of late, I can’t even find a man decent enough to have a conversation with, let alone marry! When you are single and above a certain age, expectations change. We look for companionship but also secretly long for excitement, perhaps the kind we missed during our 20s. In other words, we want a certain kind of perfection. Not possible, is it?

Puneet Aggarwal June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

As one matures, the flexibility of accommodating a new life decreases proportionately. instead of a desirable groom, the hunt for sensible groom starts. The heart losses its impact over the calculative mind. In this case, i assume sensible means a huge list of do’s and don’t for the groom. if the suitable match is available on the portal, i am sure the opposite party has a reciprocal list to follow. I guess, the question is preconceived and judgmentally biased. How about you elaborate a bit about the sensible groom you are seeking?

Raam Raamnar June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

The mindset is the problem;generally men think a woman at this age might not be a virgin and she may overpower them mentally, physically and emotionally. Secondly, the maturity levels of a woman of 35+ is higher than that of men who may not cope up with this aspect. Educated women are normally an anathema to some men……compatibility issues are a huge problem in Indian men. Gender equality mostly exist in paper…..whether life or a profession no man wants a woman as equal or above him as a partner…I also feel that a mature lady should be able to attract men with her internal and external charm even if needed making the facade inviting.

AparnnaHajirnis June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Women above the ages of 25 are considered left over. Indian society is hypocritical in so many ways. Also women above the ages of 30 are assumes to be reproductively challenged, so that is also a reason.

QaisAK June 8, 2017 - 8:55 am

Nothing big. For an educated man, finding a sensible bride is same challenge. In fact bigger, just because in India mostly people get married by 35.

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