Do you know about the six rasas of a relationship?

Team Bonobology

(As told to Anupama Kondayya)

Shad Rasas. Six Tastes.

The Sweet- to build, to calm, to satiate.

The Sour- to cleanse, to increase absorption, to stimulate.

The Salty- to lubricate, to digest, to improve other tastes.

The Bitter- to detoxify, to lighten.

The Pungent- to clear the passages, to aid circulation.

The Astringent-to promote healing, to absorb, to tighten.

Six tastes. More than nutrition. An experience. A sign of completeness. An indication of wholesomeness in nourishment. No element, too important. No element, unnecessary. Too much of any and the balance is lost.

In moderation. Whether it is in a meal or marriage.

We idealize relationships without conflict. We idolize people who never disagree, never fight. We want to be like them. And we feel guilty when we face conflict with those we love.

But conflict, disagreement, difference of perspective among individuals is natural, even healthy.

Related reading: 10 reasons why Indian couples fight

It makes for variety and diversity. It steers clear of tunnel vision. Even siblings brought up under the same roof do not always see eye to eye. How can two individuals coming from different households always agree with each other?

The style of conflict resolution may vary from plain denial and suppression to blame, manipulation or a peaceful discussion. But to expect no conflict to arise at all in any relationship seems unnatural. Just like one needs each of the six tastes in moderation to make a meal complete, wholesome and nourishing, I believe that one needs all six tastes in moderation in a marriage to make the relationship complete, wholesome and nourishing.

The Sweet-

To build bonds, to calm the mind, to satiate the soul. The tender moments. The light caresses. The thoughtful deeds. The sharing. The understanding. The sweet surprises. The smiles. The stuff that memories are made of.

couple smiling sweetly

‘sweet smiles are a beautiful start’ Image Source

The Sour-

To cleanse the mind, to increase absorption of each other’s perspective, to stimulate conversation and debate. The disagreements, the disillusionment, the disenchantment. To gain valuable insights into the other’s mind, heart and soul .

discussions in a relationship

‘sour discussions always help’ Image Source

Related reading: Seven things that keep a relationship going

The Salty-

To lubricate life, to digest everything easily, to improve other tastes and make light of the heavier emotions. The naughtiness, the jokes, the laughter. The fun that brings a smile back on the face.

couple laughing

‘jokes and playfulness create a great bond’ Image Source

The Bitter-

To detoxify the relationship, to lighten the weight of unspoken words and unexpressed emotions. The anger that masks hurt. Better said than not. The vent that prevents clogs in the relationship.

anger in relationship

‘healthy arguments help a lot’ Image Source

The Pungent- 

To clear the passages and allow fresh air to flow through the relationship, to aid circulation. The spice in the relationship.


‘clear paths and spice up your relationship’ Image Source

The Astringent-

To promote healing of the hearts, to absorb love, to tighten bonds. The cooling touch, the soothing words, the sorries, the special gestures for making up. All the stuff that makes you fall in love all over again.

soft couple

‘fall in love all over again’ Image Source

A sweet base with a hint of sour, a dose of astringent, a sprinkle of salt, some sprigs of bitter and a dash of the pungent and there you have it!

With moderation. The perfect meal. A memorable marriage.

My girlfriend is into sex toys and masturbation and this is how it helps our relationship

5 questions to ask your partner when you want to build emotional intimacy in your relationship

You May Also Like

Leave a Comment

Let's Stay in Touch!

Stay updated with the latest on bonobology by registering with us.