It’s way too easy to hit “Send”
Attachment is a very difficult thing to undo and habits are tough to quit. Taking the decision to end a relationship is a brave choice you make for yourself. Similarly, coming to terms with your partner ending it will require you to love yourself fiercely. Every breakup story is different from the other, but there is one constant: don’t text your ex! In this age of easily contacting people, text messaging is the easiest trap to fall into. Here are a few reasons to fortify your will against hitting the send button to that essay you carefully wrote.
The carefully built will can shatter with one text. The hours you spent reasoning with yourself and accepting the illusion of your “forever” breaking, will come undone with that one text. You will try to convince yourself that this text is your last, it is your closure; but let me tell you, every text is penultimate. Every time you regress back to mending something that has come undone you will lose a little bit of your confidence. This is your time to protect yourself like a mother hen. You are emotionally at your most vulnerable and lowest in your self-esteem. Do not allow the slip of a finger to make it worse.
Related reading: Is it fine to still be friends on social media after a breakup?
If you had anything impactful or relevant to say to each other, you would still be negotiating the breakup. There cannot be enough “sorry”, “why”, “I wish” and “miss you’s” you can send to fill the space created by your partner’s departure. No display of vulnerability is going to make this better, if not worse. You already feel betrayed by your partner and love in totality. You must not let yourself down. You’re your only bet right now. You should not open yourself in this tender period of healing to his sympathy, anger or silence. Nothing from the other side can help you now.
The bitterness that nests in you fresh after a breakup sometimes leaks out through an impulsive message. You will regret it in less than a minute, because care is the hardest emotion to get rid of. Believe me, such passionate display of emotions will only wear you out and not help you an inch to move on. Anger breeds anger and nurturing such negativity is harmful for your mental health, especially when it is vulnerable to attacks. A breakup needs as much care as it took for you to keep the relationship alive, sometimes even more.
A breakup needs as much care as it took for you to keep the relationship alive, sometimes even more.
Love yourself nothing less than fiercely and that cannot happen with a verbal bloodbath over text.
Related reading:Why do some people take breakups harder than others?
You do realise he has broken up with you as much as you have with him. The last favour you can do for him is help him move on. A text alert from you ruffles him up, though your resentment has convinced you otherwise. It is not just you who feels a sharp pain when you come across an old ticket stub from a movie or your Facebook memories light up with his face. Acknowledge his emotional capabilities and realise that he too needs breathing room to make a fresh start. Give each other the space to heal; it is the only graceful move to make.
(Note: Replace the “he” with a “she” as appropriate)
What if you guys are Ross and Rachel, old crabs mated for life, meant to be? There are so many stories like that! Yes. It might just be true. Wait before you start typing that text. Hear me out. Let us assume that this story has not yet ended; deep in your gut you know this is just an interlude. Then please also realise, maybe this chapter needs to finish for real for the next one to start. This is the break you both need to clear out your head, rephrase your life around yourself, do some soul searching, get your priorities right and have enough time and distance between each other to realise the need for that second chapter, if at all. Texting will only delay the start of this clean break from each other.
Related reading: 10 people share what was the last thing they said to their ex
Special mention: Murder
Well, if nothing else works and your will is weaker than India’s ODI bowling attack, there is a certain squad, namely your friends, most probably led by your best friend aka your nemesis for the time being. There is a full-fledged plan of physical violence in case you fall back to the loop of texting your ex and inevitably regretting it and texting again. This threat is scary enough to throw away your phone if need be. Your friends will be your strongest link to yourself; they will help you float. But it is your responsibility to not insist on drowning. The best precaution these days is blocking your ex on every interface to help you abstain.