Counselling

Our fathers fell ill and now she doesn’t want to marry me

Confused Man in Dark

Q: Hello! I’m a dentist in Ahmedabad and my fiancé is an MPharm from Himmatnagar. We got engaged in May 2016 after a formal meeting in March 2016. The wedding was set for December. We met several times and became close.

In July my father had a stroke and was hospitalised for 1 month. Her father had an accident 10 days after this. During this time our communication was reduced. My father is now better so I’ve started talking again, but she isn’t responding. One day she messaged me to say she no longer wishes to continue our relationship.

Related reading: The first year of marriage

I want it to continue and her family also supports me. We can’t confide in my father. When I asked her why she wanted to break it off, she just says I’m a good man but she doesn’t want to continue. Her speech and behaviour are different, although she is still very nice to me.

I don’t know how to tackle this problem. Does she need counselling? Please guide me.

A: Hi there, I can understand how confused you must be feeling at this stage. It is possible that her own father’s accident and the dip in communication between both of you during your family’s difficult times made her rethink her decision or maybe she reset her life’s priorities. Have you tried asking her if something has offended her? If you haven’t asked her this directly, don’t assume, go ahead and ask. You can tell her that you understand if she doesn’t want to continue but you would appreciate it if she can at least give you clear reasons so that if it’s something that has been done unintentionally, it can be rectified in the future. Maybe in her own mind she is feeling distanced because of something or feeling like she wants something else in a partner. In any case, my suggestion would be to ask directly a couple of times, without getting too emotional, and if she doesn’t seem inclined to answer, you probably need to stop pushing, because a relationship is made up of two people and needs to have wholehearted consent from both. I hope you two can figure something out! Good luck!

I walked away when he proposed affair, not marriage

I did not marry for love, but I found it in marriage

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