I come from a semi-conservative family where most of us had our companions chosen by our parents, while the rest had to rebel for their preferred option.
On my 24th birthday, my parents posted my sansakari beti wali pic in a saaree on a trending matrimonial site. I had recently started my professional life and was extremely busy with my on the job training schedules. Seriously speaking, one had no time to even enquire about the name of the website, where the matrimonial alliance was being solemnised. Every night me and my mother used to have the “back home safely & checking you are not outside wala” call. I am sure all of you had the same ritual. A pressure cooker seeti or the sound of a mixer would give her the eternal peace and assurance that her daughter was at home intact.
Once my whereabouts were established, she would silently slip in a new match, which I had to dodge with my yawns and an early morning office excuse. Somehow this worked for the next two years, till my father turned 58. The fateful retirement coming at 60, exponentially intensified the urgency to find a suitable groom. Every possible relative or website offering boys was contacted, mailed, faxed and called up. I eventually scanned nearly 300+ profiles, spoke to at least 13, GTalked with 11 and met about 10 in person. This long journey to finalise my spouse gave me the opportunity to recognise these five unconventional indicators to gauge the potential alliances in a classical arranged marriage scenario.
Shoes– They speak volumes about a man’s character and his outlook. You may choose to avoid the man who comes in his slip-ons or dirty untied sneakers to meet you for the first time because it shows his seriousness for the occasion. Mostly you would meet your prospective match at some restaurant, a mall or at someone’s house in a semi-formal environment; and not on a beach in swimwear. Wearing the right shoes for the right occasion suggests common sense, which is quiet uncommon these days. I also don’t profess going in for a man wearing an expensive pair of shoes, just because he is an HNI (high networth individual). My personal experience and few studies from reputed research houses suggest that men wearing an old, spotlessly tidy and formal piece of footwear are conscientious, organised and honest. So girls, look out for his shoes!
Crosses arms on the chest- Classically crossed arms suggest defensiveness, insecurity and feeling threatened. But that may not be the case when he comes to meet a girl for an alliance. If he is sitting with his arms folded across his chest in the first meeting, then probably it implies that he is non receptive, imperious and headstrong. In case once in while he broadens and pushes his shoulders back with a deep breath; you can be extremely sure of his dominating personality. You must try and reconfirm this from his demeanor and other body gestures; he will certainly give you enough indicators to confirm.
Mobile- Digital distraction is slowly taking over relationships and addiction to mobiles indicates obsession towards the wider social community. If in your first meeting he is fidgeting with his mobile, checking on notification or discussing unimportant things on a tele-call; believe me girls, he may not be the right one. His infatuation for the social media will narrow down the time you could spend as a couple. The man probably has nomophobia or is a show off or is too spellbound by his virtual society. Go for the device-free type of guy!
Munna Bhai’s Tip-. I am serious guys! Remember what Munna Bhai said, look at the way he treats a person who has lower financial status than him; like the waiter in the restaurant where you meet or the parking boy. Beedu, bhai ek dum sahi bola tha. A man who doesn’t respect a person because of his social status or considers someone else’s work menial, will definitely not be a good companion. If he is kind to others and treats everyone with respect, you may consider him for his civilized upbringing.
Avoids conversation about sex- If a grown up adult, ready in body and mind for tying the nuptial knot, avoids candid discussions about the future sex life or has reservations about your virginity status, then definitely he should be an easy NO. Intimacy and comfort in sexual life will lay the foundation stone for an inseparable bond between the two of you. Your liking for each other should not be fueled by the vulgarity of the subject or the associated adventure; rather it should focus around each other’s likes and dislikes at this stage. If it is hanging around the taboo of silence, then you must really reconsider before taking the big step.
Well folks! These five aren’t the only qualities that you must look for in your soul mate, but certainly they will help in making up your mind. You can take them as the Guru Mantra, coming from the two ounces of an elder sister. I am sure, all you wonderful ladies have many more such indicators in mind, please feel free to contribute and comment.
Happy Hunting Gurls 😉
The article has been also published with moderation at http://www.womensweb.in/2017/07/5-surprising-things-that-will-tell-you-if-the-prospective-groom-is-your-mr-right/