Forgiving your partner for cheating is not something everyone can do. It’s an arduous journey that unfortunately, not everyone can complete. Having been on the receiving end of the heartbreaking news, I know exactly how it feels. It feels like the ground just slipped away from under your feet and you feel light in the head.
But this doesn’t even compare to what comes after! Important decisions about forgiving your partner’s moment of weakness or ending the relationship. You have to figure out if your relationship is worth saving or not.
Hopefully, my story about how I forgave my cheating partner will guide you through your turmoil and make you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s how it goes:
The Story of How I Forgave My Cheating Partner
The day hadn’t been going good. Nothing feels right on days that begin without hearing her voice. My morning playlist seems dull, the tea too strong, and thee water scalding.
Fights are not uncommon between us, but it is only once or twice in these seven years I have been pushed to an extent that I had to tell her this relationship can’t go on. Not this way.
I wanted her to change. I justified this unjust demand by telling her that I changed a lot for her. It’s only partly true. I changed, but it wasn’t for her. It was for myself.
I refined myself every second so that I could feel confident enough to be at the receiving end of her love, to deserve her affection, to be worthy enough of being the first person she thinks of every morning and the last before she retires.
She has always accepted the way I am, with all my flaws. But I wanted to change her.
I ‘thought’ she was over-friendly with certain people. I trusted her, but not those friends. Why wouldn’t any man try his luck with such a charming, desirable woman? I now know she was not being over-friendly. She is the same to everyone, outgoing. That’s simply who she is.
Related Reading: Are you an extrovert in love with an introvert? Then this is for you
I trusted her. But she made me regret it.
We didn’t speak this morning because I decided to part ways with her yesterday evening. She cheated on me. She got physically intimate with a colleague, the day before.
They had gone out for dinner. Knowing that she can’t handle herself after more than two drinks, she chose to drink with him. He offered to drop her home, she invited him inside. She went to change, but he lay down on her bed. He lay down next to her. They made out initially and then had sex.
Related reading: My husband had an affair, but it’s me who can’t forget
This is what she told me. She regretted it. She was crying uncontrollably. I didn’t bother to calm her.
I told her we couldn’t continue being in this relationship despite the fact that she confessed and regretted her actions. I drove off after kissing her goodbye. I was heartbroken that she had sex with someone else. She could have chosen not to tell me but she confessed she cheated. I wouldn’t have known. But that’s not who she is. That’s not how we were.
This morning, thoughts flooded my mind. By afternoon, I knew I couldn’t work without getting closure. By evening, I knew what I had to do. I picked up my phone and called her. I told her I wanted to meet her at my place.
How Our Relationship Got Back To Normal After Cheating
I had cooled down by then and realised that I valued our relationship more than anything else and was not willing to let go because of one moment of weakness. I knew the only way to go back to normal (something I desperately wanted) was to accept the reality and forgive my cheating partner.
This is what happened next:
She came. She looked destroyed. Before she could say anything, I hugged her. Tight. She fitted in my arms perfectly. Tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Baby, I know it is difficult. I know whatever happened feels awful. But I am here to make things better. I am here,” I managed to say.
Her fingers clutched me tighter. Her tears wet my shirt.
“Things happen. What we feel is the end of the world might not really be as big an issue. I am hurt, but I am not giving up on us. I don’t want to. I have always considered trust the primary pillar of a relationship. You haven’t broken my trust.
You reinstated it, gave me the biggest reassurance. We have been together for seven years. I never felt like going to another woman, you never felt like going to another man. But something happened and IT IS OKAY,” I said, as I gently stroked her hair.
“You’re more important to me than my ego.
“You as a person, as the love of my life, as my anchor, are more important to me than your body or what you do with it.”
“I could say I forgive you, but I think there is nothing to forgive. You did something I did not really like, I got pissed, we fought, and now we are sorting it out. It’s already sorted from my side. Would you like to move on, forget this episode and get back to normal life? Life as we know it?”
Her hug tightened. She cried like a baby and I didn’t leave her.
“I love you as much as I used to, or even more. Thank you for telling me the truth. Thanks for trusting me. In future, such things might happen again. Our commitment is towards this unbreakable trust, not to each other’s bodies. I will be disappointed, shattered if it happens again, I might be furious, but I will still choose you over my ego.”
And this is how I forgave my cheating partner and allowed my relationship to become stronger and even better than normal.
How I Healed After Being Cheated On
However, it didn’t just end when I forgave my cheating partner. Healing after infidelity is eve harder than forgiveness. Doubt tends to creep in and with it, trust issues. Saying you forgive someone and actually letting go of the conflict in your heart are two very different things.
Healing was no easy feat but my wife persevered to do little things to win my trust back. I held back on my judgement. I came to terms with the fact that long-term relationships are hard and mistakes happen. She’s only human, after all.
I had the power to either learn from this experience or grow bitter and hold a grudge. I decided to do the former and use it as fuel to make our relationship stronger. The most important part of healing was acceptance. This did not come immediately but took its time.
But finally, three weeks later, she smiled from the heart and met my eyes. Maybe she could forgive herself, and forgive my hasty “let’s end this” drama.
I was not the only one who had to heal and I certainly was not the only one who had to forgive. Forgiving your own self is harder as nothing is more difficult than letting your own self down. Cheater’s guilt can be brutal as hell and even throw you in the deep pits of depression.
I realised that I forgave my cheating partner but forgiving your partner for cheating is not the only thing that heals you and your relationship. She needed to heal too and I couldn’t just stand there and moan about my own woes when I saw she needed me too.
In a way, by being there for one another, we both healed and so did our relationship. It was a slow process but one hundred per cent worth the effort. She’s my soulmate and one slip up or one moment of weakness cannot change that.
I forgave my cheating partner after she confessed she cheated. If I could do it, so can you.
Forgiving is not hard. Try it, reclaim your life.