My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for the past two years. We are not compatible physically. Basically, she is quite reluctant for any physical contact and doesn’t feel comfortable. I don’t want to have sex now, but I see nothing wrong in hugging and cuddling. First, I want to make her feel comfortable with being little physical with me. Like a light touch or a small kiss. I do bring it up but we end up fighting and then I beat myself due to anger and frustration. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and want to make her happy. Therefore I want to solve this problem properly without any mental harassment to anyone. What should I do?
Counsellor Snigdha says:
It is extremely polite and empathetic of you to be sensitive to your partner’s needs. But do you literally beat yourself in anger? If yes, this is serious.
There may be many reasons for your partner’s reluctance to any form of physical intimacy. I mean hugging and kissing are quite common between lovers irrespective of their commitment levels. Yes, sex may be an issue with many couples. So I’m a little perturbed about your girlfriend’s reluctance to even hug and kiss.
Please understand that there may be a huge value difference between you and her, or a past trauma, extremely strong conditioning about how a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship should or shouldn’t be or that she may be asexual. I mean the reasons can be aplenty.
Why don’t you try couples’ therapy? If you’re serious about her and want to spend your life with her, it’ll be worth your time and energy to invest in therapy. It will help you both to understand each other and have good communication.
All the best!