The good man who is underrated

Sumona Chetia

As I was getting ready to pen down this piece, I referred to the digital ‘know-it-all’ in search of a beautiful quote to ornament the introduction part. My search read as something like this, “Men have feelings too!”

To my disbelief, my search results promptly referred me to women empowerment quotes. No sign of good men. Thus, I dropped the idea of a quote and decided to compose the truth behind every underrated good man.

My household comprises of my parents and my younger brother. Ever since, I was a little girl I haven’t witnessed any episode of gender disparity between my brother and I. Readers will assume that I was lucky enough to be born in such a healthy and loving household but it isn’t about luck it is about a good man who loved his daughter as much as he loved his son. Both my maternal and paternal cousins (mostly, girls) share the same fate as mine. All those good men love their daughters and treat them right.

According to a recent study, men are more emotional as compared to women. The only difference is that men lack ways to display those emotions and thus, we built up this preconceived notion that “MEN ARE EMOTIONLESS BEASTS!”

Although, created by the same Almighty men are a different breed. Since, childhood they have been programmed by the society to act strong and stern.

Waterworks, sadness and being clingy in need of affection are signs of a weak man. Well, this is what is being taught. So naturally men tend to hide their passive side and act indifferent to all kinds of hormone induced emotions.

I, myself remember telling my little nephew to stop acting like a girl when out of the blue, he wanted me to hug him. What can I say? Even we as women are programmed to identify men as macho, virile and daunting in nature. That is the sole reason why most women fail to understand or handle an emotional man. We panic and feel embarrassed imagining our male shed tears. On the other hand, we constantly insist on our partners to be more open and sentimental. If a woman can’t bear a man cry and fails to resonate  with his sadness then why demand  emotions from him?

With no hard feelings to hardcore feminists, here I would like to point out that if any male member of our family falls sick we are taken aback. Why? A human of blood and sweat is expected to fall sick. But a man isn’t. Being sick (unless too serious) and feeble is too woman-ish -as society claims. We can’t absorb the fact that the one (man) who is supposed to take care of the rest of his family is in need of care. Yes, a woman can survive without a man but it is also, the truth that not every woman can do that. You can hate me for saying this but directly or indirectly our mental and physical well being at times, depend on the fitness and availability of a male. He can be a father, a brother, a husband or any other close relation.

Same goes with monetary matters. Nowadays, women are more and more career oriented and focused on being independent. They want to achieve everything a man can. That’s very nice but what about those other women who has to depend on their husbands? And I am referring to only good men who takes no pride in showing this off. Apart from being taught to be devoid of all expressions, men are also pressured to be the breadwinners of their respective families. A woman dependent on her husband is never laughed at but a man living on his wife’s earnings is frowned upon at large. There are plenty of good men who toil hard day and night without any complain to give their family a good life. Do we talk enough about those good men?

One bad apple spoils the bunch! This is what is happening right now. We have read and witnessed too many bad men that now we dislike men and distrust all of their intentions. We assume everyone of that gender to be alike. And in this process, we ignore the good men of our lives. We choose not to debate on the silent sacrifices made by our fathers. We forget to thank those exemplary husbands who compromises to uplift their wives’ careers or anything else. Menstruation is holy whereas erectile dysfunction is funny. Mother’s day is celebrated in grandeur whereas father’s day is kept low-key. Do these good men complain? I don’t think so. 

Why don’t we just pick and throw out the bad apple as soon as possible? This act will at least save the bunch. Same goes with men so let’s look around and offer our gratitude to those good men who are nonchalant yet, beside us. Given a chance, they won’t even object to stand behind us.

(Dedicated to all good men-you make us better and stronger).

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October 4, 2017 - 4:40 pm

Very nicely written @Sumona Chetia… in my personal experience – I have lived my life with both a Good Man and a Bad Man – there was a time when I used to think and believe that Men are demon like creatures and only these type exist; but slowly I met a few very good Male Friends which made me think twice – Surely we need Good Men around us and Strong Mothers to raise Good Sons !! We must appreciate the Few Good Men who exist amongst us..
“Why don’t we just pick and throw out the bad apple as soon as possible? This act will at least save the bunch. “

Sumona Chetia
Sumona Chetia October 4, 2017 - 7:37 pm

Thank you so much @priya-5 Ma’am ????

Surabhi Pandey
Surabhi Pandey October 3, 2017 - 3:01 pm

Well written Sumona. Do I feel proud? I do!

Sumona Chetia
Sumona Chetia October 3, 2017 - 11:10 pm

This is the best thing a student can expect to hear from her teacher. Thank you so much dear @surabhi-pandey-2 Ma’am!

Kritagya Daarshanik
Kritagya Daarshanik October 2, 2017 - 11:20 pm

Good read! In the interest of Man-kind 🙂

Kritagya Daarshanik (Haywire Chronology)

Sumona Chetia
Sumona Chetia October 3, 2017 - 10:27 pm

Thank you @kritagya-daarshanik ???? A few days ago, I read a comment in which the person accused Bonobology of being too women-centric. This is I suppose, just a small reply to that allegation.

Kritagya Daarshanik
Kritagya Daarshanik October 3, 2017 - 11:09 pm

Ah! Anyways whatever provokes a thought is welcome I guess!

I believe we need to break the notion/expectation of absolutism (absolute good/evil) and enjoy the shade of gray in people around us.

Kritagya Daarshanik (Haywire Chronology)

Rimli Bhattacharya
Rimli Bhattacharya September 28, 2017 - 5:55 pm

It’s high time we need to raise awareness about raising a good man, well written, loved reading it

Manish Kanvar
Manish Kanvar September 28, 2017 - 5:48 pm

Yes , women need to talk about good men- it’s time.

Shobha Mahapatra
Shobha Mahapatra September 28, 2017 - 5:30 pm

Good men are rare, maybe that’s why we don’t talk about them. But yes, as individuals we can all start appreciating both the good men and women in our lives. 🙂

Meenu Mehrotra
Meenu Mehrotra September 28, 2017 - 5:14 pm

Men are emotionally more fragile than women and this is a fact which most women do not pay heed to.
We need strong and sensitive mothers to raise boys into strong and sensitive men.
Good one, @sumonack

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