Single and Dating

Got friendzoned? Six tips to bounce back from the dreaded zone

She thought they were getting to know each other for dating, but he said ‘you’re a pal’…

(A monsoon evening in Bombay, I open my phone and type him a message)

Me: Hey, I had a great time last night.

Him: Listen, I have been thinking about it. I think it is best we remain friends.  

Me: Ummm…why? What happened?

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Him: Nothing. I just get this very ‘pal-like’ feeling from you…I figured maybe we shouldn’t see anything beyond being friends.

Me: Did you just friendzone me?

Him:  I don’t understand these new-age words.

Me: I think you just did friendzone me.

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Now people have been friendzoned since time immemorial and I wasn’t the first and not the last in the history of mankind. Kajol got big time friendzoned in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, because she was that tomboyish buddy to SRK and he obviously looked at her as a ‘friend’. Only to later stalk her all the way to the summer camp and sabotage her wedding! Good going, you guys.

More recently, Ranbir Kapoor famously got friendzoned in the movie Ae Dil Hai Mushkil by Anushka Sharma.

Coming back to that monsoon evening, I couldn’t comprehend why he would say this. For about a month until that last night (when we met for the first time), we would keep chatting most part of the day, asking each other about music and people. To my mind, it was usually the part where you are getting to know the person.

I think I felt hurt because I had wanted things between us to go somewhere. Because once it hit the friendzone wall, I knew there wasn’t going back to those good old days.

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What did I learn from this whole experience? Here goes, in no particular order of wisdom quotient.


Being friend zoned is harsh, bitter and sad.
Reality sucks.

He’s just not that into you.
And there is nothing you can do to change that. Period

Friendzone is the GRAYEST area possible.
Pull yourself out of it, my friend. No one will do it for you.

Hit the pause button
On calls, texts, and definitely those beer nights with him. Till your head and heart are aligned to the friendzone shit.

No drunk dialing please
Been there, done that. He might just take you as a psychotic case. Plus you’ll regret it all the next morning.

Being friendzoned isn’t injurious to health
If you were not looking forward to date him in the first place, that is (Fun fact – I was!).

Being friendzoned isn’t injurious to health
If you were not looking forward to date him in the first place, that is (Fun fact – I was!).

It’s not you. It’s him.
Don’t roll your eyes please. This is clichéd but true.

Sometimes I wonder if it was that big a deal. I mean, why couldn’t I be friends with him and make things easier for myself? But like I mentioned, I started with a wrong set of expectations – that this could mean something. And that was bad. But then friend zoning was also the end of every possibility that we could have had. I don’t think I can ever forgive him for that.

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Anyway, months have gone by since that fateful day. We did meet up a couple of times and spoke a handful of times in between. But obviously, something has changed between us.

Meanwhile, in another universe, Urban Dictionary defines being ‘Friendzoned’ as:

When a member of the opposite sex (usually one you want to hook up with) declares you to be “just a friend”, thereby ruining all potential chances of sex.


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