I am a very black and white person and I used to perceive my partner to be the same. I had blind faith in him when we got together.
I had blind faith in my partner
But over some time, I realized that he has not been completely open. He has promised things but in reality, he has done the opposite. We are still together because we love each other a lot. I crave to have an undeterred faith in him but deep down I can’t completely trust him. This affects me negatively. Can you please help?
Here’s the thing about trust, if you take a paper and crush it in your hand and later iron it out, it will never be the same. The creases remain.
Trust once broken takes time to mend
When trust is broken it takes a long time for it to be fixed. The person who has broken the trust needs to earn it back through multiple acts by which they show they can be trusted.
You can’t change him
You have also mentioned that he promised you things but in reality, he has done the opposite. No, we can only control our thoughts, actions and behaviour but not the thoughts, actions or behaviour of another person. So you cannot change him in any way.
Communicate with him
You need to communicate and work together to fix this. He needs to start communicating openly and honestly and slowly that will rebuild the trust.
Re-evaluate the relationship
You have also mentioned that you perceived him to be a certain way, but it turned out he wasn’t. I think that is something you need to re-examine. We tend to sometimes fall in love with the idea of something or the idea or image we have created of someone in our head. Since I don’t know the details I can only say that you need to re-evaluate the relationship a little more.
It takes two people to build trust
Also, understand that it takes two people to build trust and one to break it. So, without his equal participation in rebuilding the trust, it will be difficult for you to start trusting him again and the doubt will always remain. You need to work on this together. I hope that helps and good luck.