Counselling

He broke up with me when it came to marriage

He assured me all will always be well for us but when it came to marriage he said his family won't accept me
sad lady in black and white

Question:

Dear Ma’am,

I am presently pursuing higher studies in engineering and am twenty-two years old. Am a middle-class South Indian girl and an only child to my parents. My dad has retired and my mom is working. I respect and love them very much.

My problem is that I have fallen in love with my classmate during my undergrad final year. We both understood each other even before knowing each other well. It all started with social media. The common thing between us was only the social club and it united us. He was in a top position among the crew and I was a member. He too is an only son to his family and his father is no more.

I asked myself sometimes whether the special position I gave him in my heart is because of sympathy. But no… definitely not. I love him without any such silly reasons.

After chatting, meeting in colleges, the relationship entered the next stage where we hung out a lot together. He is the first man that I have admired and want him to be my husband.

But all my wishes and dream went upside down before finishing my UG studies. The support he gave me vanished when he said his joint family will never accept us and our love. He left me all alone to live my life. He doesn’t want to get engaged and commit to me anymore.

I can’t imagine marrying anyone other than him and so I feel very guilty towards my parents and my future partner. I feel depressed. I need to think of my career but my dark guilt makes me so ill.

Initially, everything was right. We are of the same caste. He is three months younger to me but when I had then told him that we can’t get married because of our age difference and his pride, he was the one who consoled me and said that everything will be set alright.

This tells me that true love only gives pain and scars the heart for the rest of your life. This is my first confession of my life. Hope I get good suggestions and counselling from you for my betterment in life.
Thank you, ma’am.

relationship counselling

Counsellor Jaseena Backer says:

Dear Young Lady,

It is commendable that you have clarity on what is happening. It is also good [restrict]for you that you understood his standing about marriage. His family is not new to him, he always knew who they will accept and who they will not.

This goes to say that he has no decision making power in his home. He has a clear boundary set by his parents for his future partner. Therefore, he falls weak in that area. Despite knowing the boundary he went ahead and had a relationship with you. When it came to discussing marriage, it is then that he decided to drop the bomb – that his family will not accept you- without even trying to discuss it with his parents.

Therefore, he was probably having some fun in the college, knowing all along that this relationship cannot lead to a marriage. If he had taken your proposal to his parents and tried his best to marry you, we could say that he loved you. In this case, there seems to be no love from his side. He just wanted to keep himself engaged and entertained during his college days and thus he came into your life.

Don’t make any attempt to reconcile. It is not worth it, as you are the only one in love. There is no need to know his reasons also, as its obvious he has no decision making power.

You now start concentrating on your mental well being. If you can’t think of marrying anyone else, do exactly that now and focus on your career. Leave the marriage matters for a while till your mind is settled. Once you can delete this incident and person from your life then you can think clearly. Always keep this learning even if you forget the man, this will be your guide next time.

There was no love from his side hence there was no truth in it. You probably took his words for truth while he had his own agenda. He actually played with your feelings and love.

Don’t consider this ever as true love.
Move on.
Make your career and then see about relationships.

Best wishes,
Jaseena

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