He keeps me up the whole night

Prachi Vaish
Woman Snooze Off

Q: Please advise me whether my loved one actually loves me or not. Nowadays he always wants to do sex talk with me every single day. When I say, “Please today I want to sleep,” he gets angry. Every day I’m not sleeping because he wants sex talk for the whole night, which I don’t like. And when I say I don’t want to, he wants to break up with me.

Related reading: Are Indians ignorant about their bodies and intimacy?

A: Real love never uses the phrase “If you don’t do this, you don’t love me/I’ll leave you”. So if your loved one is putting this condition for sex, then clearly there’s something wrong. In your question, it’s not clear if you’re married or not. Although that still won’t change the basic premise of a loving relationship. If they use emotional blackmail to get something from you then their definition of love is skewed. I suggest you sit down and have a firm talk with them; tell them you don’t mind the sex but you would also like to engage in other activities together like going out, watching movies, talking, playing etc. If you’re newly married then a high desire for sex from your partner is understandable but once again, that doesn’t have to be the only thing. If after talking, they still want to focus only on sex then it’s time to rethink your relationship. Also, I’d like you to be objective about their demands. Are you sure they are only engaging in sexual activity and not doing other couple things with you? If during the day they are a good partner, you two hang out, have fun and if at night they want sex, then it’s not very alarming; then maybe you need to re-evaluate how you view sex in a relationship. So all I’m saying is, weigh both sides carefully and then take any action. Good luck!

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