Single and Dating

He no longer expresses his love as he used to, but I am marrying him for a reason

He helped her escape an abusive relationship and gave her love that brought butterflies to her stomach. Why does she want more?
Beautiful woman with dark hair

Kaushik and I studied in the same school. He was a year senior to me, the intellectually smart kid. I was the culturally active girl and we were together members of our school choir group. The only time I remember talking about him was the day he became one of the few students of our state who scored cent per cent marks in Mathematics. Indeed a number genius, this one!

A friend request

Years later, I got a friend request from a really good-looking person. Wearing a striped t-shirt with collars pulled up, shades on and a pair of neat shorts, this person stood in a Goa beach smiling right at me. Wait a minute! I know this person. He is Kaushik Boruah. My school senior. The mathematics wizard who I never talked to in school. Well, hello! He just sent me a request looking all biceps and gorgeous. I hit the accept button right away.

It’s been four years since our first conversation on a social media platform. Kaushik was perfect! Good sense of humour with a dash of honest flirt, abundance of knowledge and a pinch of his great looks made him my dream man. Yes, we are happily engaged since the last two years.

A difficult time

The first time I got to know Kaushik I was on the verge of ending an abusive past relationship. Talking to Kaushik transformed me as a person, because before that I had lost my identity. I was a naive and submissive girl believing all the lies that my ex-boyfriend fed me. Social media proved to be a boon. If I had not taken to social media to slam my terrifying past I would have never met my beautiful present and future. I would have been still stuck in the quicksand of a bitter and traumatic relationship.

Kaushik imagined me as the perfect girl with a perfect educational qualification and a perfect love life. He couldn’t believe his ears when I narrated my ordeal. He was angry, and said, “This is not the girl I eagerly waited to listen to during school functions as she captured the audience with her oration. This is not the strong-headed girl who was selected as the school head girl. This is someone really weak and a timid sufferer!” I was wounded by his words, but then I realised that I was indeed being blind.

“He will never be able to hurt you anymore if you know what your heart really wants,” Kaushik said. “Why don’t you write anymore? Write your heart out, pen down the thoughts which are buried inside your heart and you can’t voice,” he added. It was then I realised that I have found a friend in him forever. A friend who discovered my strength and constantly encouraged me to take a step forward to refine my capabilities. I had stopped writing or reading because my previous relationship took away all my energy and brain power.

Related reading: My fiancée taught me to move on

He lit my fire

Kaushik’s words lit a fire inside me to be a rebel and fight for my self-respect. One fine day, it was all over. I was a free bird, content, gleaming with joy and my heart knew exactly what I wanted. I was in love with Kaushik. The person who made me realise my worth also made me fall in love with him.

“Good things are worth the wait!” he said. I found my soul mate, my knight in shining armour. My ideal Jane Austen hero! All the little, jovial things he did to make me giggle made me fall in love with him more and more and today I love him like crazy. Since then it has been a roller coaster ride for our relationship.

Couple pic

Distance apart

Ours is a long distance relationship. At first he was studying in Manipal, it was his final semester of engineering with less study load. He had ample time for me. We were like Siamese twins.

However, things gradually changed as he moved to Pune and then to Kolkata and finally to pursue his dream MBA at IIM Trichy. Right now, our relationship is undergoing a really difficult phase. It is almost like we are losing each other. He is unimaginably busy. Our relationship is losing its transparency. My trust in him is fading and I am pretty much always annoyed at him. Is my fairy-tale love over?

I was spoilt beyond recovery during his days in Manipal. I was childish to think that things will always be the same. He moved on with places and new career options. I stood at the same place, dejected, angry, lonely, feeling unloved and depressed. The most clichéd reason for all these was- I felt like he took me for granted. “We are engaged and as soon as I get settled, we will bind in holy matrimony. So why all the nagging and crying?” Kaushik questions me every time I call him up sobbing. His words hurt me but isn’t it also true?

Related reading: Distance is taking a toll on my relationship. How do I bridge the gap?

No call, no love?

Why do most woman (including me) believe in love only when there are frequent calls and messages from our other half? We feel the constant urge to pester our lovers to text us good morning/good night or call us in the middle of nowhere. As owners of a fragile heart, it is natural for women to expect such gestures. But then if due to unavoidable circumstances men are not able to fulfil our expectations we doubt their commitment towards the relationship. We question their loyalty. We transform into mindless stalkers, barging into their professional lives looking for mindless clues. In short, everything turns upside down because they forgot to call or leave a loving text. To all these is the added factor of stereotypical tips available on Internet where we read that ‘not enough calls may be a sign of your partner cheating on you’.

single and dating

As far as my situation is concerned, isn’t a ring on my finger the clarification to all my doubts? Isn’t his hard work to give me a secure future not a sign of his caring? Isn’t all the mental and emotional support that I get from him a form of love?

Related reading: My childhood sweetheart is ignoring me and I feel suicidal

He gave me freedom

The biggest gift Kaushik has given me till date is my freedom. I have choices. I don’t have barriers, don’t have to fake anything. So why can’t I be happy knowing ‘freedom to be who I am’ is all I wanted in a relationship?

I should offer some space to Kaushik. The boy has earned it. He has been toiling day and night to achieve something tangible for both of us. He has already given me the type of love which cause butterflies in a girl’s tummy. Now he wants to give me the love that lasts forever. I have to learn to find love in our happy memories. As his other half, I made a vow to support him both in love and loveless days. So be it! True love will definitely find its way, I just need to be patient and understanding in his struggles.

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