Counselling

He told me he won’t be able to marry me and yet I love and miss him

Why am I destroying myself over loving someone who is detached to me?
in black background sad woman crying

Question:

Dear Ma’am,

I have been in a relationship with a guy who really loves me. We cannot marry each other due to caste difference. He has always made that clear, right from the day he confessed his feelings. Even after knowing this, I entered into the relationship. I love him a lot and he also does. I have tried many times to break up and move on as he is getting pressurised at home to get married to a suitable girl of their findings. I am not able to move on. I’m destroying myself by still being so attached and in love with him. He is very detached about this. Also, he is my coworker and change of place of work or work is not an option.
Help me!

relationship counselling

Kavita Panyam says:

Dear Girl,

Your query bears no confusion of any kind.

You’re hoping for a miracle: The boy in question has always been clear about his intentions from the beginning, hasn’t he? It’s just you that is hoping for some [restrict] miracle to change things which I’m afraid may not take place.

He was clear from the beginning: You say he loves you but his love is conditional, as he is prepared to get married to another girl when the time comes. You are aware of this fact, aren’t you? A guy who gets into a relationship with a girl knowing very well he can not marry her may not be in love with her. He may just fancy the idea of being in love with love, which may be why he is so detached about the whole thing.

Look ahead: You have no other option but to look ahead and rebuild your life. Entering this relationship was a mistake, unless you got in with the idea of getting a feel of what being in love feels like.

Please end the relationship immediately and make a life away from this guy. If you cannot quit your job, change departments. It would do you good to stay off till you heal. If that option is not possible, then you need to become strong and strictly maintain no contact.

You are unable to move on due to an attachment you hold, which in turn gets stronger when you refuse to let go. There is nothing left in this…there never was.

Take professional help: If you appear needy, you’ll aggravate the already bad situation. Please see a psychologist to address areas of concern where a certain “need” and/or a “lack” may have been the reason why you got into such an unpromising/unfulfilling relationship.

Hope this helps,
Kavita Panyam

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